| By Spade (216.34.244.150) on Monday, May 28, 2001 - 04:22 pm: |
| By Kansascity (209.242.125.78) on Sunday, May 27, 2001 - 11:34 pm: |
Thanks Spade :-]
| By Spade (216.34.244.103) on Sunday, May 27, 2001 - 01:34 am: |
Kansascity, Women as individuals, should be treated as such... not all white women are alike...they vary in their understanding. I would not give up on a white woman just because her experience was limited...but it would depend on how much patience(and time) a black man would have ...trying to "school" her...no matter how much White women sometimes cannot be trusted when in a IR relationship. They may be unaware of all that is involved. They may never have been tested..so to speak. How would they handle adversity in all its many forms. Could they hold up, or Sometimes, white women really do not know what is happening. Could that be said of black women too?
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Quite so, and so should men. If then we are to emphasize a person as an individual the rest of what you have written here holds little to be admired in respects to individuality. Because each and any person looked at truthfully as an individual must have their experiences viewed individually and NOT part of any group.
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he loves her.
That's interesting, because there hasn't been a single woman I've ever been with that I didn't have to "school" about my experience whether they were black, white, or otherwise. I've yet to meet any woman of any race who understood what I have gone through and yet here you're trying to imply that a black woman, because I'm a black man, would be able to understand me better simply because she was black. And that a white woman, more then likely, would require more patience on my part to supposedly "school." Hmmmmm...you've much to learn grasshopper.
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Interracial relationships of all kinds sometimes contain men and women who cannot be trusted.
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And exactly how is one supposed to know, given the circumstance, that a black man is to be trusted and that he is aware of all that is involved? He may never have been tested either. In fact any person getting involved in any interracial relationship may be unaware of all that is involved and may have never been tested.
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break? What would a white woman know about a black man's experience if she wasn't there...while he grew up and formed his world view?
First of all you're not a black man, so how would you know? Your logic and reasoning here is not holding up to examination. What would you know or anyone else for that matter what my experiences, for example, were as an indiviudal black man? You could ask all the black women and men on this planet what my experiences as a black man were and not one of them would know because they were not there when I grew up to form my world view. Not even the black women in my family have a full grasp on my experiences. You cannot stand behind the banner of individuality and then turn around and cast people into a catergory of race because the two concepts are utterly conflicting. Either everyone is a part of a herd or are individual sovereigns.
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Quote:Probably, maybe a few.
Quote:But, most black women know about the whole breath of experiences that black men can go through.
Quote:Many white women can be unaware of how to relate to a black man she is interested in/and/or relate appropriatey and deal with his friends and family members.
| By Kansascity (209.242.125.245) on Saturday, May 26, 2001 - 10:40 pm: |
Women as individuals, should be treated as such...not all white women are alike...they vary in their understanding. I would not give up on a white woman just because her experience was limited...but it would depend on how much patience (and time) a black man would have ...trying to "school" her...no matter how much he loves her.
Also, there are other variables...that need to be addressed...so much more needs to be dealt with.
| By Roberto (152.163.204.178) on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 10:55 am: |
Kansascity:
If a black man have a white female who he loves very much, but who has not been tested by the reality of a white woman/black man relationship, should he give her up and seek out those who have an understanding of it and are strong enough to endure, rather than go through a painful experience of worrying for her all the time? ~ Roberto
| By Roberto (152.163.204.178) on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 10:50 am: |
CMA:
I think your perceptions are right on the mark concerning the "white prize" and its image potential for many black men, until they get bored with them. This reminds me of something Malcolm X said in his autobiography about a friend of his.
" I never in my life have seen a black man that desired white women as sincerely as Shorty did. Since I had known him, he had had several. He never been able to keep a white woman any length of time, though, because he was too good to them, and, as I have said, any woman, white, black, seems to get bored with that".
An excerpt from "The Autobiography of Malcolm X", by Alex Haley, chapter nine, "Caught", pp135, para 4. ~ Roberto
| By Roberto (152.163.204.178) on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 10:33 am: |
Melirosa:
The gentleman I understand was burned previously from another white female who was his girlfriend. She ran back to an ex-white boyfriend. To tell you the truth, I do not think this man trust any woman, regardless of race as I learned more about his past. I think he had some bad experiences with women that goes back years. I'm trying to get him to consider some counseling to work out his distrust of women and perhaps people in general. I cannot do this for him. ~ Roberto
| By Kansascity (209.242.125.120) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 09:32 pm: |
White women sometimes cannot be trusted when in a IR relationship. They may be unaware of all that is involved. They may never have been tested..so to speak. How would they handle adversity in all its many forms. Could they hold up, or break? What would a white woman know about a black man's experience if she wasn't there...while he grew up and formed his world view? Sometimes, white women really do not know what is happening. Could that be said of black women too? Probably, maybe a few. But, most black women know about the whole breath of experiences that black men can go through. Many white women can be unaware of how to relate to a black man she is interested in/and/or relate appropriatey and deal with his friends and family members. Then, someone has to teach her. Well, who has got the time. :-)
| By Cma (216.249.78.252) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 06:52 pm: |
I've heard that a constant theme amongst BM/WF relationships is of a BM that is jealous and constantly suspicious that other men, and in particular BM are trying to pry away his "prize" from his fingers. Someone in this newsgroup mentioned that she is with a Jamaican man and that other BM keep hitting on her because they think that since she is dating a BM already, maybe she will be "loose" enough to cheat on him and date other BM.
If the woman this black guy is seeing has untrustworthy friends, I don't blame him for being concerned, because you are the company you keep. I deeply believe that. He is probably with her because as you say, she is attractive and white, and that brings a lot of value for many black man. Just as many men would be willing to drive a $60,000 BMW that had mechanical problems than drive a plain old Corolla in good running condition. They think, "hey, for all it's problems, at least it's a BMW!"
OJ Simpson was the perfect example. He was insanely jealous and mistrustful of his white wife, and she was screwing other guys behind his back. But yet he obviously wanted a white prize on his arm so badly that he put up with it for awhile, then eventually killed her.
| By Melirosa (208.48.12.163) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 12:51 pm: |
kansas city and roberto-
interesting situation.
kansascity i NEVER trust first ask questions later. trust must always be earned because trust is a very valuable, very delicate issue within a relationship and once it is broken, it is never the same as it was originally. it can be repaired, but the fact remains that it is still imperfect because it was damaged.
roberto if your friend can not trust his girlfriend fully because of the fact that she is white, that is a personal issue that only he can work through. why is it that he can trust a black woman, but not a white woman? if he chooses to date a white woman and enters into a relationship knowing that he is not going to be able to trust her fully because of her skin color, then he should expect for that relationship to go into a downhill spiral from the beginning. YOU CAN NOT HAVE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP WITH NO TRUST.
roberto did you find out why it is that he feels the way he does about trusting his girlfriend because she is white? is it that he does not trust white people in general? if this is the case why would he choose to be in a relationship where he could never trust the woman fully? if he chooses to date white women knowing he can not trust them, it is like he is deliberately sabatoging the realtionship from the very beginning. i am very sorry, but i do not know why a black man, like you have mentioned, who would never completely trust a white women, even in their most intimate moments would ever enter into a relationship with a white woman. it just doesn't make sense to me. it seems like it would be a huge waste of time for him and her and it would be very unfair to both of them.
if he cn not trust this woman because she is white roberto, there will never be anything that she can do to make him trust her. he has personal issues that he has to work on within himself.
| By Kansascity (209.242.125.104) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 11:02 am: |
1. Trust first, ask questions later (assume trust from the beginning of relationship) or...
2. Trust has to be earned. (This is the safest way to go initially...don't you think?
I know how to trust like a child in someone..but also know when it is best not to do that.
| By Roberto (64.12.105.158) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 10:44 am: |
An issue I'm now involved with an associate (black male) right now, who has an attractive white girl friend, is the issue of "complete trust". He loves this woman, but he cannot bring himself to fully trusting her, because of her friends who he does not trust. He does not want to drive a wedge between her and her friends, but there is much he cannot tell her. I know personally many black men who will never tell a white person what they realy think or exchange any confidence in them, including their wives in some cases. They cannot believe that any white person (women especially) are truly trustworthy and will remain guarded even in the most intimate relationships.
Ladies, I need your advice. How can we (black men) change this attitude toward you? In the past I had white women married or dating black guys say, "he refuses to have trust in me" or he does not even in our most intimate relations open up me". I do not know an answer to this. You ladies are very brainy, what could a black man and white woman do in a relationship to truly release themselves to each other, especially the black man to a white woman? ~ Roberto