CMA,
You are on the right track, my friend. Backpacking through Europe was the best thing I did after graduation. Make alot of friends and explore as much as possible.

As for the question of being Republican, I have voted Republican or independent ever since I could vote. I consider myself a progressive Republican and believe that the Republicans care about the individual rights of the people. They fight for the rights, not of the politically correct, but for the liberty and freedom of the individual. They fight for the rights of citizens to keep and bear arms(our second amendment rights); they fight for the first amendment right that government does not show favor to any one religion or try and control religious life of citizens, the right to free speech and assembly. They are for government out of our lives and off our backs; and although they can be quite conservative(which actually doesn't bother me) they are not hypocritical--like the democrats. Many conservatives do not like blacks or IR relationships. But they tell you to your face(ie., Bob Jones Univiersity, Trent Lott, etc.). You may not agree with them, but at least you know how they feel. On the other hand, liberal and centrist Democrats will say that they believe in equality, diversity and integration--but when you scratch the surface their racism and classism comes out. I know many democrats, so called liberals, who will not date or marry IR, they do not allow their children to date and marry blacks, they live in all white areas or all black areas, they are more segregationist than the Republicans they say they hate.

My choice is based on common sense. what I want is less government intrusion, more entrepeneurial motivation, no preferential treatment, more liberty, more sense of duty to community, values, and country and less to special interest groups.

I am progressive in that I believe in the environmental protection of our wildlife and food sources and animals over profits of companies and suburban sprawl/highway devastation. I am progressive because I believe in the true integration of the society-not segregated pockets of whites, browns, blacks. I believe in human rights of all people and I am a believer in the death penalty, globalization, monopolies of corporate control of political parties. Neither the Dems or the Republicans stand on principles in these areas. So, I support the Greens. But I vote both Green and Republican in different elections.

By Cma (216.249.74.186) on Saturday, May 26, 2001 - 05:02 am:

Fran,

I'm sorry to see you go. I hope you will continue posting in this forum when you get back to Europe. What European country are you heading back to?

By Frangiapani (203.54.206.214) on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 10:42 pm:

Cma,
Hope you have a great time around Europe, if you're headed towards Italy then I know you will fall in love with it!
Thanks for the compliment, but without giving away anything over the net, I live closer than you think! Im headed overseas soon too, but permanently this time around. You seem like a nice guy yourself! ;)

By Cma (216.249.81.195) on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 11:26 am:

Fran, I think I may make a backpacking tour of Europe. Maybe I'll do it for several weeks going all over. I'm especially interested in the Medditerranean countries.

I also wanted to say that you seem like a really cool girl. Too bad you don't live in L.A. I'd definately invite you out for coffea. :-)

By Frangiapani (203.54.206.27) on Friday, May 25, 2001 - 02:50 am:

Yeah, it wouldnt matter to me either as long as I was liking the guy I was with. As for getting asked out on the train, its either in the train or at the train stop..I guess we are all just waiting around and every so often id make eye contact with someone who then approaches me, so its flattering but it can be a bit awkward when its been done in front of everyone aswell. Ive given my number out a couple of times and its been worth it because they turn out to be nice guys, but I guess thhe same question I have keeps coming up, and its 'are they asking me out for the right reasons'? That could be said for any guy though. Whereabouts Europe are you headed to?

By Cma (216.249.87.228) on Thursday, May 24, 2001 - 11:01 pm:

Fran, maybe the train is where you see the most black men? I think it takes some guts to approach a woman in a train(subway?) since that is an environment that makes women nervous around men anyhow. How do you respond when these black dudes try to talk to you in the trains? Do you give 'em your number? I guess they know that you can't get up and walk away that easily.

As to what I'm interested in, just so many things I am interested in or could be interested in I don't even know where to start. I love music a lot, classical, rock, electronic, reggae, I like doing anything involving music. I like the outdoors a lot too, I like going to cocktail parties, the beach is nice. To me, if you're doing something with a person you really like, anything would be nice. Ya know?

By Frangiapani (203.54.206.220) on Thursday, May 24, 2001 - 08:46 pm:

Cma, what kinds of things are you interested in? I dont know about librarys and birding clubs though! Ive had a lot of black men ask me out when I was on the train, why is that?

By Cma (216.249.84.184) on Thursday, May 24, 2001 - 04:05 pm:

Thanks Wyatt, these are good recommendations. By the way, I am still curious as to why you are a Republican.

By Wyatt (207.106.60.21) on Thursday, May 24, 2001 - 03:25 pm:

Hey CMA,

Go on that trip to Europe and have a great summer love somewhere. I think England is great, as is Paris, Amsterdam and Frankfurt.

It is harder here in the states. It seems that it is so critical out there in the dating game. Be yourself and don't let people draw you into the lame image game. Go to cafes and bookstores and libraries. Get involved in volunteering and organizations(political, service or social). Join the Young Republican or local Green party; or join a local skiing, hiking, or birding club; or take dancing lessons, yoga class, poetry slam group or a church single adults group. These are places where you can meet people who aren't drinking and are you can talk about issues which interest both of you.

By Cma (216.249.78.252) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 10:07 pm:

Fran,

To be honest, haven't really been out there actively looking for one. Its seems as though once you're out of college as I am as of this week, you're stuck looking at bars and clubs, and these days I don't care much for either anymore. Of course you can always hope to "bump" into them at the supermarket or gas station or wherever, but you've got to be a real player to pull that off, and that's just not the way I am. I'm thinking about where I can meet women in a less fast-paced environment that isn't so sex-ladden and superficial. I'm hoping to go traveling in Europe for a few weeks this summer, maybe I'll have some luck over there.

By Frangiapani (203.54.207.42) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 09:40 pm:

cma,
have you had any more luck with finding a WW yet?

By Poetic1 (216.164.199.129) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 04:26 pm:

Regret, is a relative sensation. for me to regret my preferences would be to deny who I am...a Black male who has a preference for White women. Nope can't do that...to do so would be denying my last 32 years, a twenty year marriage and the conditions under which my biracial son was conceived. It is who I am. I have no regerets about my choices... In addition to that, having grown up the way I did (in predominantly Jewish and Italian middle-class neighborhoods), regretting my preferences would imply a lie and thereby escond with the truth - hiding in the shadows, waiting for some kind of sign that says i can come out of hiding. Nope...who I am is the truth and I have no regrets.

Peace
Brad

By Cma (216.249.85.29) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 03:33 pm:

Fran,

By the way, I am "modulis" I just changed my username.

By Wyatt (207.106.60.21) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 11:48 am:

Sheri,

I have never felt ashamed to date a woman because she is white. That would be silly, why would I date her in the first place. What do my peers have to do with the person that I date? They don't have to be with her and they have to accept my friends or keep their mouth shut.

As for the black enough thing, The question that I ask is, "What is being black enough?" I was born black and that is black enough. There is no black standard to meet. I have never felt like I was disrespecting MY people by dating a white woman. I feel that I am being even more respectful, by loving based on love not on color. The people who disrespect black women and their people are those who treat black women as meat(like players, rap artists, pimps). The disrespecting blacks are those who are taking government support when they could be working. The disrespectful ones are the drug dealers and abusers, those who disrespect the elderly, who treat others and themselves with no regard for decency. Those who call each other the N word, these are shameful and disrespectful persons of the black community. Real, intelligent, reverent black women are not offended by IR dating, they are happy that a good black man has found love from a good woman, no matter what her race.

By All_true_man (209.49.2.46) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 09:16 am:

i enjoy talking to women its just i have a taste for white women ive dated black women and there nothing wrong with that its just my choice of what type of lady i like.

By Frangiapani (144.134.91.70) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 08:42 am:

It would be a different situation altogether if he liked WW. A bit like Modulis, who admires other races but has never dated interacially before. I would go out with a BM then, its just that no one wants to feel like an experiment, I want the whole color thing to be at the back of our minds when we are out and not have someone constantly thinking everyone is looking or comparing the other person to what they have or dont have to a BW or a WM..

By Cma (216.249.81.202) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 07:15 am:

Fran and Anon

Why not date a BM that had only been with BW? For one thing, how do you know that he didn't want to date WW but just didn't meet one?

I could understand though sort of. I would feel more comfortable with a WW that had dated black. Not so much for the reason you guys state, but I think she'd be better prepared to deal with stares, family disapproval and other social drama that IR couples must face. It would be weird having to "break things down" for a WW that never dated black and explain why people aren't approving. If she's dated black already, she'll come into the relationship knowing this stuff, and she'll have already "tested the waters" and I'll know it must not bother her if she is in another relationship with a BM. This seems to be the best reason IMO.

By Frangiapani (144.134.91.192) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 02:32 am:

I wouldnt date a BM who had only been with BW either, Ive been in that situation where the guy just made me feel so "white" and it seemed like instead of appreciating me for who i was, he was comparing me to what I did and didnt have to a Black woman.

By Anon2000 (207.218.73.31) on Tuesday, May 22, 2001 - 10:14 pm:

sheri,
personally, i wouldn't date a bm who had never dated ir before...jmo...i'm too old to be someone's teacher!

By Hectorvelasquez (65.160.180.21) on Tuesday, May 22, 2001 - 05:37 pm:

Sheri, I'm not trying to justify what you ex did, but perhpas he was afraid that you would reject certain aspects of African-American culture--like "soul food." So he got nervous. Just an idea.

By Sabbadoo32 (12.2.19.162) on Tuesday, May 22, 2001 - 04:47 pm:

Hello All!

I'm back after a few days of laboring under the corporate jackboot.

Mad_Scientist, my experiences with Indian women were not very deep. Eye contact a few times, a little small talk, then she'll ask what area of India am I from, or whether I'm Indian or not. Then I reply, and you can see the interest wane. It was the almost the same reaction pattern one follows when they see someone from afar they think they recognize, then realize that person is a total stranger.

Now Sheri, I CAN understand your ex's being a little uncomforable in certain situations–like your meeting his parents or very good friends for the first time. That kind of stuff is common to all races in the dating game. But to tell you, (and I quote) "I was not good enough to be by his side at times" is very harsh stuff. The operative words are "not good enough." I could give some latitude to "a little uncomfortable." But "not good enough" should draw a response similar to "go to hell," or "beat it," or one of my favorites, "don't let the door hit your no-character ass on the way out."

Perhaps the level of "consumption" was higher on your end than his.

You do raise some good points though. There are black men and white women who can only see themselves with someone of their own race, whatever the reason. More power to them. Should I end up with a black woman, I know she'll be a strong woman NOT necessarily because she's black, but because that's what I look for in a serious mate, no matter the race. But that's me, and that's the only person I can speak for.

By Sheri (66.12.20.194) on Tuesday, May 22, 2001 - 11:47 am:

Okay, Guys, this one is for you. . .
Have any of you ever felt ashamed in front of your peers for having a white woman on your arm? Have you ever felt that you weren't being "black" enough by supporting a black woman - that you have disrespected your people and your heritage by giving in to the white world?

A man that I had dated in the past, that I was consumed with, made me feel that I was not "good enough" to be by his side at times. Just certain times. For example, when he was the only black male in the group that had a white girl, when we were in the African-American stores, when it came time to sit down and have some "soul food" - he made me feel that since I wasn't black, I couldn't understand those things or eat any greens. He didn't mistreat me and I know that he didn't intend for his feelings to show so obviously, but they did. I was confused at first, but I think I can understand where he was coming from. It's hard, I can imagine, being a black man in today's society, although easier than it has been, to date a white woman. There are issues on both sides that need to be compromised and adjusted.

I think that color still has boundaries and that there are black men out there that want someone true to their culture and history - they feel proud when they have a strong beautiful black woman next to them instead of us. So although I think the majority of white women look down on IR relationships, there are black men that feel the same way. It's hard for them to committ to something/someone that has never been a part of their history. Remember Tupac, when he says "that blonde bitch ain't done nothin' for me"? I am not wanting to bring negativity out here by any means, but it was something that I experienced and I think a lot of white women will when they date a black man that has never dated interracially before. Any comments out there? Sheri

This IR dating/relationship can go both ways. The white girls can feel rejection too.

By Frankie (128.164.161.253) on Monday, May 21, 2001 - 10:06 am:

I think it has less to do with caste, per se, than old-fashioned parental disapproval. Because many immigrant Indians do not understand the nature of dating, they have trouble dealing with their American-born children once they do start to date. As for Indian women, I’d say that there are three broad categories - one that wants to avoid family headaches, and will only date Indian men. Two - girls that are open for dating any type of man, and will deal with family matters as they appear. Three - girls that want to date and experiment a variety of men before settling down to a man that their parents will approve. Of course these categories apply to Indian men as well, and I do not think it is that different for other ethnicities as well.

By Kansascity (209.242.125.95) on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 05:52 pm:

India has an old caste system that must still have enfluence over this younger generation of Indian women. They have a tight system and protocol for their traditional ways. It has been going on a long time. I do not have any research to refer to at this point, but it is a subject worthy of study. They usually have very strong belief in reincarnation as well.

By Mad_scientist (208.191.102.224) on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 04:58 pm:

Sabbadoo32,

Please describe to me your experiences.

By Sabbadoo32 (12.2.19.162) on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 12:34 pm:

No. Once the realization hit that I was Black, the taboos took over.


Oh well, they missed out!
Sabbadoo32

By Frankie (128.164.161.243) on Friday, May 18, 2001 - 10:24 am:

Sabbaddoo,

Did you date any of the Indian women who gave you signals?

By Wyatt (63.48.110.35) on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 04:43 pm:

Not really. I find black women as attractive as white women, however, I feel more comfortable with whites in more social settings. I don't prefer one over the other, but I do prefer openness, communication, ease of style and comfort.

By Sabbadoo32 (12.2.19.162) on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 03:56 pm:

I look Indian, but am African-American. I can pick up on the signals of Indian women.


Of course when they understood I'm black......

By Mad_scientist (208.191.102.224) on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 01:37 pm:

And for some reason, I can't read an Indian girl's signals. You have to practically hit me over the head to let me know you're interested...IR marriage is usually frowned upon among Indians, but when it does happen, they can deal with a white spouse much easier than a black one.

Oh, well, I guess this kinda explains it. There is this cute Indian girl that I've had a crush on since I came to college. In early April, I finally worked up the guts (I am very shy) to ask her out, but I seem to only get mixed answers. Sometimes, it seems that she subconsciously leaves a "hint" that she might like me. Last week, I email her a question if she wanted to go on a date, but I haven't received an answer yet, and I just have a feeling that she is now trying to avoid me. So far, her silence is telling me no, but I wish that she could just tell me no, instead of leaving me hanging like this. So I have given up on her a few days back. Oh well, she seemed like a really nice girl. So now, I am again on the endless road trying to find a girlfriend. It is a dry, dirt road in the midst of a thick forest, in the middle of July, and there is no one else on the road except some animals and some birds. The road is a lonely one. But eventually, I will stumble upon signs of humanity on the road, and the search will begin again. Thanks for the info everyone, this has cleared somethings for me, and has given me closure, and a better ability to get over her.

By Frankie (128.164.161.246) on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 09:42 am:

Modulis,

Yeah - IR marriage is usually frowned upon among Indians, but when it does happen, they can deal with a white spouse much easier than a black one.

By Frangiapani (144.134.91.197) on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 04:36 am:

Modulis,
Yes, I could tell my mother was affected by what she had read..I actually saw her reading it, if I was in the room she would have reacted differently...I cant tell you exactly how, but I just knew it had made somewhat of a difference. When it comes to our arguments on race, she never really has any solid reasons and what you had wrote sounded so sincere and intelligent that really, how can you disagree?

The people that write on this site are the kind of people that would most probably marry, not that marriage is everything but to be completely involved at least means that person is real.

By Modulis (216.249.83.227) on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 02:12 am:

Fran,

From what I've heard, things don't look to good for those looking for IR marraige, Especially B&W. That many people will just date, but wouldn't have the guts to go all the way with it and marry. I remember listening to a talk radio show and a WW said that she had dated a BM but had to end the relationship because she could never get that serious with a BM. I thought this was absurd. And I don't know this for a fact, but I hear that a greater number of IR marraiges end up in divorce than same race marraiges. The thing is, there is nothing per se about IR marraige that would make people break up, it is the society and its pressures that causes this to happen. I'd suspect that in more tolerant societies like Scandinavia, Amsterdam or France, IR marraige is no big deal and they stay together as long as same race couples. However, I hear Europeans are more likely to cheat on their spouse, so I guess a price is paid for everything.

As for me, I'm not going to let statistics determine who I marry. If I do meet a WW that I get serious with, I hope she has a strong sense of self and walks to beat of her own drum. These are the best people to get involved in an IR.

By the way, have you discussed anything more with your mother? I'm still really surprised that what I wrote had some effect on her.

By Frangiapani (144.134.88.82) on Thursday, May 17, 2001 - 01:39 am:

Sometimes I gotta wonder though, In the end, people who date interacially..are they ever going to think to themself, 'maybe I should have married a black woman...or a white man' Do you think a lot of people just date interacially but know that in the end they arent going to become involved with marriage/kids etc..

By Modulis (216.249.83.227) on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 08:24 pm:

Frankie, even though this is a forum for BM and WW, I was curious about something...Is there a lot of opposition in the Indian community for dating or marrying blacks? I've heard there is, but I don't know too many Indians well enough to ask them. I know Indians come from pretty strict families, so how do Indians react to interracial marriage? I'd suspect that they oppose it, but if their kids do marry IR, it'd better be a white and not a black.

By Modulis (216.249.83.227) on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 08:20 pm:

fran,

You mentioned that perhaps the difference in appearance is what might cause the anxiety. I think you do have extremes even within the interracial community. I think the most "acceptable" black-white relationship would be maybe a darks-skinned Italian looking white guy with a light skinned, mixed looking black woman. That would carry all that much stigma. The other extreme would be a dark skinned African looking man, with a light blonde-haired, blue-eyed Scandinavian-looking woman. I think that combo would cause the most anger from society.

By Frankie (128.164.161.245) on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 01:18 pm:

Roberto,

I think the pedestal analogy is an excellent one. Just as Southern slaveowners put white women on a pedestal, to remain unsullied by sex, I guess I've put Indian women on the same pedestal.

Then there is the matter of signals. I think different ethnic groups have different signals to each other when they are showing interest. Example - in the Masai tribe of Africa, men will often challenge other men to a jumping contest, to demonstrate to women who is the better man. In parts of western China, men will engage in impromptu singing contests for a woman's affection. Trying to signal across racial lines is a challenge.

And for some reason, I can't read an Indian girl's signals. You have to practically hit me over the head to let me know you're interested. Example - a couple of years ago, a good friend of mine (Indian) had returned to the US after serving in the Peace Corps in Africa. Among the guests were some of his cousins, and there was one really cute girl, who was flirting with me big time - resting her head on my shoulder and what not. This was in full view of my traditional mom - such public displays of affection are almost never seen. Of course, this was my friend's cousin, so I didn't pay it any mind. Add in the fact that at that age I did not look at Indian women as potential dates. A man with an ounce of sense would have pursued this, but I was young and not that bright.

By Roberto (152.163.195.199) on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 12:51 pm:

Frankie:

Why feel guilty for having a bit of lust in your heart for women of another race. This is the nature of men. Any man who says this desire is not in him and never was at anytime in his life is a liar. Religious men have lusted for nuns. Even former President Carter once made the remark, when he looked at the Statue of Liberty he had a little lust in his heart. Former President Clinton, well that is another story. White southern men, cubans and brazilian men had and still have a lust for dark skin women. The British in their world colonial conquest lusted after women of other cultures and like other white men in the Americas and Europe abstained from exhibiting this desire toward white women who stayed on the pedestal (only the native women were lusted for). Western frontier men lusted for indian woman. The French lusted for Vietnamese women. Women do have the right to say, "men are dogs", you know. ~ Roberto

By Frangiapani (144.134.88.189) on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 04:12 am:

Well, originally my family is from France and Russia, I was born in France but Ive lived in the UK most my life. My parents are here but for a shorter time than me, then they are going back.
Its not so much they dont like black men, more so they just dont want me to marry a black man, why?, I have no idea, except maybe what they have seen and heard around them.
In the UK, its not so bad to be in a IR, black and white kids mostly get along..I think its just petty thinking that black looks so different than white and therefore how can two things that are so different possibly belong? Which is why sometimes I just cant be bothered with my parents, if thats their best reason then Im not going to waste time arguing over it. Definetley, a big difference in American men, My parents are somewhat intimidated by black men from the U.S

I know I shouldn't assume Im going to end up with a black man, so whatever race, Ill just let it happen..

By Modulis (216.249.78.91) on Wednesday, May 16, 2001 - 02:49 am:

Fran,

What country are you from? Does your family still reside there? Whatever country you are from, are people tolerant of IR couples there and do you think your parents' disdain could be culturally based?

By Frangiapani (144.134.88.250) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 11:33 pm:

Modulis,
Being the opposite, I actually think BW are more attractive. I agree there is probably more beautiful WW around that you see, but I think one beautiful BW would probably outshine quite a few.

Im not from the US, I live here temporarily, so maybe I dont know all there is to know but I understand where you're coming from. Ive experienced stares but Id like to think its other than the fact Im walking along side a black man...I know Ive given a stare a few times but I wasn't thinking anything of it. I know alot of people think IR couples are paranoid that people are looking all the time and I've always thought people are too busy worrying about themselves to give a damn what other people are thinking.

There are a lot of advantages in being in a relationship in the first place, so the stares are just a secondary thought.

By Roberto (152.163.204.176) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 01:05 pm:

Modulis:

BRAVO ! ~ Roberto

By Frankie (128.164.161.241) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 12:41 pm:

I do feel a little guilty - while I don’t have a preference for one particular group, I do experience different emotions when I see different looking women. When I see good-looking white, Hispanic, or Asian women - yes, sex pops in my mind. If I see a good looking black woman, sex pops in my mind, immediately followed by thoughts of problems with my family. If I see a good looking Indian woman - raising a family pops into my mind. I mean, I see that she’s attractive, but for some reason, sex doesn’t pop in right away. In my own experience, I find good-looking Indian women far more intimidating than good-looking women of other groups. Probably cause I don’t get along too well with my mom, but get along great with my sister. Since I already have both a bad and good relationship with Indian women, I sorta regard sex as something left for other women.

Some might think it’s a healthy sign to view women as something besides sex objects, and they have a valid point - but it is naïve to think that sexual attraction can be disregarded entirely.

Bill Maher had a great line a couple of years ago, “It’s easy for you women to say sex is not that big a deal. That’s because you know when you’re going to have it!”

By Modulis (216.249.83.201) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 12:39 pm:

Frangiapani,

When I say a BW would be better for me, I only mean in a social sense, not a personal sense. In the personal sense, any woman could be good for me. But it is simply a fact that in the U.S.(Do you live in the U.S. by the way?), being with a BW would make my life easier. Especially for a person like myself that is particularly sensitive to stares and gazing. For some reason those stares have a particularly piercing effect on me and I don't know why as they never did in the past. Maybe it's because now I better understand the mentality behind them than I did before, and it's a very ugly thing.

Yes, I would choose to prefer BW if I could. I'm not ONLY attracted to WW, but 85% of the time I am, the other 15% probably Hispanic women and maybe a few others. But I can't even remember the last time I've seen a black woman that I absolutely had to talk to. I am just attracted to WW physically. I like their long silky or wavy hair, their creamy, smooth looking light skin and their variation in hair and eye color. They also can have perfect bodies. Here in California, WW are very health conscious, so many are neither fat nor skinny and they excercise. On the other hand, the statistics show that something like 65% of BW are overweight. What I notice is that there seems to be a bell curve(not the book on intelligence but the statistical concept)of beauty with few at the extreme ends and most people are average looking. Just like the height or weight bell curve of some groups is shifted higher or lower giving that group a greater mean weight or height, I think the same applies to beauty. I just tend to think that physically attractive WW are more numerous than attractive BW. Although there are of course beautiful BW, there are just not as many in my humble opinion.

Roberto,
The ghetto chics certainly turn me off. I consider them the black equivalent of white trailor trash. But I also know that not all black women are like this just like not all white women are trailor trash. I've come to the conclusion that many black men who say BW are too ghetto and overbearing are looking for an excuse to rationalize their preference for WW, because as a BM in America, there is a lot of guilt associating with loving WW. Whether it comes from the thought that you are abandoning the BW, or comes from the fear and history of lynching BM for pursuing at WW. You as a BM know you are going into trecherous grounds when you start pursuing WW. So it helps for some of us to have a "reason" to do it, and makes us feel like WE are actually the victims of circumstance and were PUSHED into it. But I'm sure many of these black men would still choose a WW over a decent-mannered BW. The only difference between me and they is that I'm honest enough to admit what my real reasons are.

And no I would never judge a book by its cover. If a woman has a bad attitude, is a user, or has a nasty character, I don't care if she looks like Alyssa Milano, I would keep her away from me.

By Roberto (152.163.213.49) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 08:52 am:

Modulis:

Many young black guys, such as yourself "of your generation" that I have had conversations with tell me that the reasons they are turned off from black women in general, is what they call the "Ghetto Chick Syndrome", in which you have those black women (not all) who have a propensity to having that aura of the "ultimate primma donna's", too earthy and sassy, dresses very provocatively (even those who are grossly overweight and out of shape), and have a "no man can tell me what to do" mentality. What is it with you?

By the way, be careful with your obsession for Italian women. Like me in an earlier time having a fetish for long haired blondes. I found out rather early to never judge a book by its cover. My mother once said, "Be careful what you wish for". ~ Roberto

By Frangiapani (144.134.91.72) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 02:57 am:

A lot of my girl friends like white guys only, so it can be hard when they sometimes push me to go out with someone and Im not attracted to them as much as the black guy on the other side of the room...I am still attracted to white men though, just not as much..and I guess I cant help that either. Life would be a lot easier if I went along with all the others but its because he is so different is what Im attracted too.

Why would you say a Black woman would be better for you? I could do without the whole 'black and white' thing too but I wouldnt wish to be with a white man if I was with a black man, i would be completely happy!

Would you really reverse your preference if you could? Are you only attracted to white women physically?

By Modulis (216.249.80.88) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 12:36 am:

Here's some food for thought. Do any of you that prefer the other race(such as myself) wish that you were as attracted to your own group as you are the other?

I for one wish that I didn't have such a strong attraction towards WW. I wish I liked BW just as much. If I could take a pill tommorrow and wake up liking BW just as much or more, I would do it in a second. But I just can't seem to help what I am attracted to. Prior to maybe 5 or 6 years ago, I liked black and white women about equally. But something has happened in that timeframe which caused me to be attracted to WW 95% of the time over BW. I can't pinpoint what happened in that time, but my preferences seem set at this point.

I think that if I like BW as much as I like WW, my life would be a lot easier, I'd probably have better luck with women, wouldn't have to worry about family disapprovals, stares, avoiding states or cities that are hostile towords IR couples. Life would be much easier if I only liked BW. Therefore, I wish I could reverse my preference if I could. But at this point, there is just no way that I can. It's like intellectually, I KNOW that a BW would be better for me, but another side of me(Freud's Id) just longs for a WW.

Is there anyone else here that feels like me? That they are almost being held hostage by their own preferences for which they little control over? Do any of you wish you could be attracted to members of your own race as much if not more than the other?