Melirosa, Ishvara and Kansascity:

Melirosa

I wish there were more who feel and think as you do. It takes a very special person in my mind to overlook differences in others and accept those who differ as equal. You must have some extraordinary parents who raised you. It would great for this world if you were not the exception, but the rule.

Ishvara

"People always looking at me as if I have some hidden agenda"

Pat Buchannan had a word for those who looked at him with a hidden agenda. " Let them eat themselves, if they cannot help you, then look the other way, they are just fodder (a waste) anyway".

Kansascity:

The good will always overcome evil.

~ Roberto

By Kansascity (209.242.125.104) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 10:56 am:

It is a blessing that good decent relationships exist in this world. Thank God for those couples who can really love and grow...:-)

By Ishvara (38.163.112.88) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 10:44 am:

Yes I second what Melirosa said. We seem to be on the same page more often than not. I find it ridiculous that so much creedence is given to the dysfunctional relationship. I think most relationships are not based on things of that nature but all the focus and attention is given to them. This makes the general public think that all or the majority are this way. It's tiresome. People always looking at me as if I have some hidden agenda.

By Melirosa (208.48.12.163) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 10:31 am:

roberto-
i can only speak for myself and my relationship by saying that is not the case in my situation. people will always have that "classic argument" of true intentions behind what makes an IR tick. my first marriage, i was married to a man of latin descent, he is from cuba. our background was very much the same and we came from families who spoke the same language and both from the islands...yada yada yada. but our marriage did not work. i married him when i was 16, he was 18 and after 10 years i knew it was over. when i became involved with my fiancee after my divorce i was not out looking for anyone. black, white, or purple. i knew my fiancee previously but there had never been anything between us. when we got together romantically, it just felt right, like i had found the missing piece after all these years. it was his intellect, his heart, his demeanor that made me fall in love with him, his physical beauty was secondary to everything, although very evident. i was looking at the total person. i agree that IR relationships exist where it is a purely physical, sexual attraction because of natural curiosity between two races that have historically been pitted against one another, but i can honestly say that this is not the case with my relationship. i never, from the earliest memory i have as a child, have defined a person by their race. i always looked at everyone as the same and it angered me, even as a child, when i witnessed negative behavior towards people because they were beind stereotyped or treated unfairly because of their race. so, while the classic argument may still have some credence in some cases, they are probably few and far between .

By Kansascity (209.242.125.73) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 10:09 am:

It gets pretty interesting. No doubt about it. There are people who are not FIT for a relationship due to childhood abuse. When race is a factor, and both the damaged male and female in this tangled web of a sort of relationship...try to have one...they simply cannot. There are those couples who are exceptions to this dysfunctional routine.
To my way of thinking, there are good reasons why God gave the 10 commandments to Moses. God knew there would be days like this and problems like this. So it is best for all of us to at least live right in the first place and form viable families. That would lessen the damage of the past..and present....

By Roberto (205.188.195.42) on Wednesday, May 23, 2001 - 07:43 am:

I found this excerpt to be interesting from the classic "Sexual Life Between Blacks and Whites", Chapter Twelve, "Is Black and White Sex Sick?" by Beth Day.

" In all interracial relationships in the United States there is the possibility of pathological motivations, conscious or unconscious, regulating one or both partners behavior simply, because of the historical relation between the races which has inevitably influence all our lives. Thomas L. Brayboy, a New York psychiatrist who has treated a number of partners involved in interracial affairs, find that "the sex act [between two races] may have little or nothing to do with tenderness, love, or even lust, but instead may become an area for expressing negative feelings such as contempt, revenge, or irrational guilt"

Dr. Brayboy cited three interracial liaisons that demonstrate various types of pathological motivations behind interracial mixing. The first was a middle age white woman who had deserted her husband and three children to live with a young black man. During the course of treatment it turned out that her choice was to a great extent dictated by a hostile desire for revenge against her fanatically bigoted father. She had first entered left wing politics in protest, then eventually taken this black militant lover.

In the second case, which was also that of a middle age white woman, the paitent had been married to an impotent white husband for many years and was attracted to a black male lover clearly because of his "expected sexual prowess". The man she chose, who himself suffered from rejection by an alcoholic mother, took out his anger on his mistress, treating her sadistically and abusing her-which she accepted without protest, "as if she literally responsible for more than three hundred years of abuse to Negroes in this country and desrved the punishment".

In the third case, that of a fifteen year old white girl, the child had been programmed by her father, who had himself had a secret black mistress, and she was unconsciously acting out his vicarious desire.

An outspoken, beautiful red-haired copywriter in New York, who was living with her black lover in a fifth-floor walk-up flat in a runned down area of the East Village, before he was sent to prison on a drug charge, seemed to be using her interracial relationship to prove what a strong and competent woman she was. Obviously at war with the establishment, she considered her lover a victim of society and a brilliant, sensitive, misunderstood man to whom she was willingly dedicating her life, energy, and fidelity. Resolutely refusing to see any other man while her lover was in prison, she was spending her time waiting for his release by planning the life they would share when he was free. Although he was not yet divorced from his black wife, his white mistress was expecting to keep her job, continue living with him, have a baby by him, and looked forward to being able to raise the baby successfully without giving up her career".

Do any of you think the above has credence, even today in the classic argument of "true intentions" behind the interracial dating and marriage between white women and black men?
~ Roberto