Here's what women say and what we really mean:

We need = I want.
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk = I need to complain.
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to.
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're...so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight. = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. = I have flabby thighs.
Hang the picture there = No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like..
I'll be ready in a minute. = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. = Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry. = You'll be sorry.
I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.

 

According to Maddox:

Translation Table:
When they say: Oh, that's interesting.
What they mean: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Let's have sex.
When they say: That's cool, I like that too.
What they mean: We don't have anything in common, but I'm going to pretend to like some of the things you like so we can have sex.
When they say: I miss you.
What they mean: I'm horny.
When they say: Nothing's wrong.
What they mean: Pack your bags, because you're going on a one-way guilt trip.
When they say: I love you.
What they mean: For the time being. I'm flaky, so check back two weeks from now, I don't know what the hell love means so I might just change my mind, and besides, I want to have sex and this will give me some leverage.
When they say: How's it going?
What they mean: I'm the center of the universe, don't bother telling me, it won't make a difference. I just want to make it look like I'm not a cold-hearted sex fiend.
When they say: I'm fat.
What they mean: Give me compliments, asshole.
When they say: I care about you.
What they mean: I care about me. Let's have sex.
When they say: Nothing.
What they mean: I wonder if he wants to have sex.

 

:smt043 :yawinkle:

 

That was funny. True, in some ways :smt106, but still funny

 

lol, some of those are way too true..

Other small lies in everyday life:

Told by women:
Lie: It can happen to anyone
Truth: Never happened before, and I'm gonna tell all my friends that you couldn't get it up

Lie: It's the biggest I ever seen
Truth: Average Joe, but lets get it over with


What she does: She is moaning loud enough to wake up the neighbours
Why she is doing it: She is trying to make you hurry up and get it over and done with

(tip on telling if this is happening: If she REALLY likes it that much, she wont be able to keep that porn-octave on her voice. Her moaning will sound way more animalistic then that.)

What she says: I like to make love
What she means: I want you to f*ck the sh*t out of me, but hold me afterwards.

What she says: I'm ok with you having other girls, I don't care
What she means: Because I have others too

Told by man:
Lie: It didn't feel right
Truth: She didn't want to have sex/you were too drunk and fell asleep and she left before you woke up

Lie: I'm well hung
Truth: I'm hoping the lights will be turned out she'll be drunk enough so she wont notice that I'm average

Lie: I think foreplay is important
Truth: I'm desperate for sex, and I'll say anything to get it

Lie: Can't we just cuddle
Truth: See above answer

Universals:

Says: I never have sex without condom
truth: Well, sometimes, but only when I'm drunk/too horny/don't have any at home

Says: I've never cheated
Truth: .. nobody knows about what I've done

...and so on..

 

[YOUTUBE]jSYKSmSfqcs[/YOUTUBE]

 

I already figured out years ago that ALL women talk in subtitles. Only if you pay attention to their body-language, their mannerisms, and the way that they say something, you can clearly decifer what is being said and get the meaning behind it.