United State of Bros vs United States of Chicks

Found this online the other day found it pretty interesting. Basically it describes the different kinds of bros and chicks in areas of the country. Done as satire but I found that it is pretty funny and somewhat accurate for the area I am in. The Chicks article was done as a rebuttal to the bros article.

http://jezebel.com/the-united-states-of-bros-a-map-and-field-guide-1550563737/+tcraggs22

http://totalfratmove.com/the-united-states-of-chicks-a-map-and-field-guide/comment-page-1/



Example.
The Manhattan Bro

Uniform: Blue button down shirt, grey or black work pants, nice leather Big Time Job Shoes. Good hair.
Intoxicant: Beer/Adderall.
Habitat: The office (they're all investment bankers), or the bar down the street from the office that is filled with other bros who have identical jobs and identical wardrobes, or the biggest table at a popular but expensive steak house in Brooklyn during the after work hours. Bathroom stalls that lend themselves well to the blowing of lines.
Hobbies: Over-identifying with the really over-the-top scenes from Wolf of Wall Street. Stealing cabs. Eventually marrying women named Claire, and then divorcing her for a woman named Madison (who is 23). Yelling.
Secret shame: Feels bad about small penis.
Celeb brospiration: Alec Baldwin punching a guy

The Manhattan Chick

Uniform: Business attire. Pencil skirt and nice, “find a dude with a big time job” heels. If it’s winter, expect the puffy jacket that doubles as a sleeping bag and for her to take two hours to put on all of her layers. If it’s summer, expect her to look “porno sexy secretary” chic.
Job: Fashion or PR. And she’s sooooooo busy like don’t even talk to her during the 52 weeks of fashion week. She once spent 15 minutes trying to sell Stella And Dot jewelry.
Intoxicant Of Choice: Anti-anxiety medication and vodka soda.
Habitat: A one bedroom converted to a two bedroom in Murray Hill, and a similar place in Chelsea, because she’s “so not Murray Hill,” and then a studio in Chelsea which she “loves!”
Hobbies: Brunch. Is there any other meal? No really, she doesn’t eat any other meals
Secret Shame: The “Manhattan Bro” she dated, is dating, and wants to marry.
Celeb Chickspiration: Katherine Heigl (but not the bitchy one).

 

I've seen some of these characters out in the city, lol. Good read.
The Miami Bro

Uniform: Casual club wear. Sunglasses perched on forehead. Gym-hewn pecs.
Job: Real estate, or dad's company.
Intoxicant of choice: Vodka and Red Bull. Molly.
Hobbies: Hitting the gym. Starting sentences with the word "Bro" or "Man," which is pronounced in Miami like "Meng."
Habitat: Beach. Unnecessarily shiny cars idling for no reason. Yacht, though not necessarily his own.
Secret shame: Owns zero books and three Pitbull CDs.
Celeb brospiration: Enrique Iglesias

The Miami Chick
Uniform: The skirt that goes up to the middle of her stomach and leaves a space of skin before her see through shirt and push up bra combo. If this outfit were to be given a nickname, it would be the “Instagram.”
Job: Servicing some dude who still uses a flip phone and reads a newspaper.
Intoxicant Of Choice: Molly. Anything that can make EDM music tolerable.
Hobbies: Clubs. Beach. Living every day like it’s her last. She’s big on Instagram.
Habitat: That dude with a flip phone also has an awesome apartment his wife doesn’t frequent.
Secret Shame: The big thick book she brings to the beach is a box for her weed.
Celeb Chickspiration: Kim Kardashian before she got fat (the words “fat” and “pregnant” are the same to her).

The Chicago Bro

Uniform: North Face jacket, Big 10 college sweatshirt (ALMA MATER ONLY), athletic shoes. During the summer, basketball shorts, a college tee shirt, baseball cap, and sandals. Toes aplenty among the bros of Chicago during warm weather.
Job: Consulting or accounting. Finance, but not, like, sexy finance. Maybe a loan officer or a financial advisor.
Hobbies: Getting blackout drunk every weekend.
Secret shame: Is going bald (that's what the baseball cap is supposed to hide) and getting large in the middle from all that drinking, despite only being 28 (every bro in Chicago is 28).
Celeb brospiration: Vince Vaughn

 

So on point its sad lol