100 Things You Need to Know About Women

So........I have been reading this month's issue of Maxim Magazine. I do find some of these points amusing, but they do get some point right, some wrong. :lol:

100. Girls enjoy always having something kind of wrong, like a headache or cramping or something. Remember: No matter how bad it sounds, she’s going to outlive you.

99. Most women will not have sex for the first time with a guy unless their legs are shaved. If your date shows up and you spot stubble, she’s trying to keep herself in line.

98. No matter how much she reassures you, if you can’t get a hard-on she assumes you’re not attracted to her.

97. Beware of your girlfriend's single party friend or gay bud. They want her to be single with them and will encourage any bad behavior as often as possible.

96. Jewelry. Now you always knkow what to get her for a last-minute gift.

95. The sight of you in your socks and underwear is the biggest turnoff in the world.

94. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

93. Girls who say, “I love sports!� are lying. Girls who ask you what time the game is on, without specifying which game they’re talking about, are not.

92. A random hookup is more likely to result in pregnancy, because a woman has more sex when she’s most fertile.

91. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends.

90. Just started dating? Women want you to drive, even if it’s their car.

89. A girl would prefer to get a $100 gift from Tiffany & Co. than a $500 gift from Fortunoff. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

88. “If I give you my number on Friday, Tuesday and Wednesday are your best bets to score a date. Monday is too desperate, Thursday is too late.�—Claire, 27

87. Your female coworkers are obsessed with the fact that on average they receive less pay than male counterparts—and the fact that they work less overtime and get pregnant is irrelevant to the discussion.

86. Laying a towel down over the wet spot is like putting your jacket over a mud puddle for her, you noble bastard.

85. A recent study revealed that natural blondes could be extinct in 200 years, so unless she’s Norwegian, her towhead might be bottled.

84. Sixteen percent of American men have been with a prostitute—scientific proof most women are decent in bed.

83. Women always want to believe what you’re saying is true.

82. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

81. The threesome is not about you; it’s about the two girls. If you’re lucky enough to score one with your girlfriend, enjoy sex with the other one because there’s a good chance it’ll end the relationship.

80. If women have an excuse to take a pill, they’ll take it.

79. Never trust the woman who gives you the best blow job you’ve ever had.

78. “I hate when my boyfriend is sweaty and tries to lie down on top of me or cuddle after I’ve come. Wait five minutes.�—Erin, 21

77. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

76. She hates your Xbox more than she lets on. Blow her off for some gaming and she’ll soon stop wasting time on a dork like you.

75. Women who are obsessed with their dogs also like to keep their men on a short leash.

74. “Girls who buy their men lap dances and pretend to enjoy it are kidding themselves. They’re trying to keep him happy with some controlled freedom.�—Suzy, 31

73. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

72. During emergencies, women are likely to remain calmer than men. Though it should be noted that inventing minor crises on a weekly basis gives them more practice.

71. “Women grow hairs in a lot of the same places that men do—lower abdomen, nipples—we just get rid of them.�—Katie, 26

70. Unless they’re lesbians, she won’t approve of your hanging out with other girls. Even if they’re ugly. And, really, even if they’re lesbians.

69. If you have something to hide, she’ll find it.

68. Eighty-five: The number of males per 100 females in Gary, Indiana, lowest male-to-female ratio of any city with a population of 100,000-plus. The highest male-to-female ratio is in Salinas, California: 114 males for every 100 females.

67. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.�

66. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

65. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.

64. An online dating service’s survey found that a woman’s ideal man has brown hair and blue eyes.

63. In the U.S., 21 percent of women ages 18 to 59 hold out for their honeymoon.

62. A British study claims a woman’s chances of getting married drop by 40 percent for every 16-point rise in her IQ. The same increase in IQ for a man boosted his chances of getting married by 35 percent.

61. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions.

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas.

59. “When I’m drunk, I can’t come. Not even with a vibrator.�—Lauren, 35

58. If they're going to do it, most wives cheat between the ages of 18 and 29.

57. Most women think they’re better drivers than they are. Don’t point this out while she’s at the wheel or she’ll freak and crash.

56. Women ingest about half the lipstick they apply, which means they eat approximately one to three sticks per year.

54. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy,� says Evie, 22.

53. According to the American Association of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery, Angelina Jolie’s lips were the most requested celebrity feature among all female patients in 2004.

52. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.

51. Don’t call her “cute.� In her mind it’s the same as “not vomit-inducing.� “Sexy,� OK. “Hot,� yes. “Fucking awesome,� only if she’s at least slightly buzzed.

50. Women often buy shoes a size or two small because they’re in denial about the size of their feet—which they can’t stand.

49. They dream of one day peeing in a urinal.

48. Women know where they stand looks-wise but worry about being considered cool, about which they’re unsure.

47. According to the U.S. Bureau of Statistics, 23 percent of 18- to 34-year-old women live with their parents, versus 31 percent of you losers.

46. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild. Jäger helps.

45. Twenty-three percent of this magazine’s readers are women.

44. A psycho jealous girl will do anything to keep her man—including anal.

41. If she suddenly cuts her hair short, it might mean she no longer cares what you think of her. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about someone else’s opinion.

40. About half of all brides will lose a good friend over a ridiculous bridesmaid squabble.

39. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

38. Let her beat you at something once in a while—poker, chess, Ping-Pong—and she’ll be more likely to give you what you want, like some peace and quiet.

37. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s.

36. “At one point or another, I’ve gone through your things looking for any evidence from past relationships. I’m talking photographs, postcards, mementos, address books, diaries. If you don’t like it, get rid of this stuff before letting me in your apartment. It’s not about trust; it’s about curiosity, and it drives us crazy till it’s been satiated.�—Caroline, 28

35. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

34. Chick rock strikes a deeply primal chord inside women while simultaneously revolting men. Just sit back and let her sing the Sarah McLachlan or Ani DiFranco song. It’s only about four minutes long.

33. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing. Shasta!

32. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

31. Got a new girl coming over? Your (tidy) bathroom should include clean linen, a box of Puffs Plus, and several full rolls of TP.

30. “Don’t caress our faces while we’re kissing, unless you really, really, really like us.�—Rachel, 21

29. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat.

28. Breast augmentation surgery has grown by 257 percent since 1997. The most popular size? C-cup. As if you didn’t know.

27. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage.

26. Put down the Drakkar and grab a box of Good & Plenty. Women are turned on by the scent of black licorice.

25. At least one of her friends wants to sleep with you.

24. A good but flawed man is a fixer-upper gem, and women love nothing more than home improvements.

23. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often.

22. If you want more sex, tell your girl an attractive woman hit on you that day. Sixty percent of the time, it works every time.

21. More than half of surveyed females between 18 and 25 would prefer to be run over by a truck than be fat.

20. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

19. The more piercings she has, the more places she’ll let you put it.

18. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it.

17. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

16. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

15. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.

14. Don't take a woman to a concert you really want to see—she'll just want to leave early.

13. “Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at foreplay.�—Elena, 28

12. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho� guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,� otherwise known as chumps.

11. She likes one of your friends.

10. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

9. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

8. Sixty percent of women in the United States color their hair, according to L’Oréal (who are obviously hoping they can peer-pressure the other 40 percent).

7. Dated a stripper? Keep your mouth shut, stupid.

6. Rub a sheet of medium-grade sandpaper across your face. That’s your five o’clock shadow when you kiss her. Now rub that sandpaper on your inner thigh. (Mind you, we’re not suggesting you shave.)

5. Female serial killers tend to use poison rather than guns or knives.

4. Foghat’s “Slow Ride� is not about a trip in the car. Get the hint?

3. The one breakup line she’ll never be able to argue you out of: “I’m sorry, but I no longer have feelings for you.�

2. Buying a present for your girl? She’ll hate it (and you) if she finds out you took along another woman to help pick it out.

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.

 

:lol: :lol: :lol:

 

Okay, I admit I am occasionally one of the 23% of the women readers. I love that they can make an everyday woman look HOT in their photos. (Okay, I secretly want to be in Maxim).

60. Women often cite manhandling of breasts as the biggest foreplay faux pas. - This was probably answered by women who are self-conscious of their breasts and don't LOVE THEM. Ladies that have lovely titties and are proud of them love when men are all about the breasts. This is the same about any body part. If she is proud of her ass, she likes when you show you love her ass too. So as a hint, don't focus on the body part that she doesn't like about herself.

Oh, and 7. I think it is hilarious that you quote from the male version of Cosmopolitan. :yawinkle:

 

Well, I certainly can't dispute any one of those...

and along with 7's rants about women in general (which are mostly true also) the picture couldn't be more clear here. Women are unstable, materialistic, and illogical creatures, who can and will use the only real thing that men depend on them for to get their way, since they depend on us for everything else.

 

I can have "normal" conversation and can 'appeal' to anyone's level of intellect. I am not always polarizing Socrates' and Plato's lecture of metaphysics, or going into a philosophical bent on how the Cosmos' plucks at our emotions.

But what sticks our most to me are..........

An excellent point I believe. One has to wonder, when a women's level of intelligence rise, why does she become less desirable to men? We all know what what an intelligent man is caple of, if he is that, he is likely going to be a 'good provider.' But women, they are likely to have less then desirable traits with their intelligence. I get plenty of these E-mails from older women........on why men like me do not find them attractive.................

or

Intelligence in a women, is not something successful men find attractive, or it is not the deeming quality. An intelligent women is not someone you can control, it is easy to mold that hot blonde who is dumb as a stump into something you want. What is amusing, they protest to their 'independence' yet, they are still looking for men of higher quality then themselves. When will women take what the feminist movement has done for them and actually be independent? This is a problem for women, they only want to date horizontal and upward. They NEVER WANT TO BE INDEPENDENT, it is just an recurring fad for women to feel better about themselves when they are still single at the age of 46. It is quite pathetic really, it takes a women nearly 20 years of so called 'independence' to realise that she is no longer attractive to men.

 

I picked a few quotes that are unfortunately quite true. The overall theme is: Women need drama - correction, Most Women need drama

and

and another...

oh, there's more...

Finally,

What I find frustrating, as a fairly even-keeled kinda lady, is that men expect this. They have been conditioned to believe that when a woman is responding it is to create drama out of nearly nothing. Or - women that do not get dramatic in a situation do not care much about the situation or person involved. I have had a few experiences where I have chosen to respond to a situation in a calm, logical manner. The man in the situation then believes that I must have not been upset because I did not wail profusely, call him names, and then later fill his voicemail with desperate messages. And, this has not been with only one man!

Now, this may seem funny coming from a girl who has responded to comments in a down-right nasty way. However, it is something that I do not find attractive within myself and am working to improve on. My frustration, then is, that most women do not find over-dramatics and hysteria an unattractive quality. And, now, men have come to expect this of all women.

 

I like where this thread is going so far.....

and, 7, would you say that a woman's expectations become higher when she meets higher expectations? This seems true to me most of the time, and not only that, but they also tend to look for men who's expectations are lower than they should be. :lol:

Just like you said in your words earlier.

 

The female interest level and attraction is specific. Her interest level changes with the tide, ever changing. Her attraction is based on the image he can portray - Power, Control, Confidence, Assertiveness, Intelligence. It is instinctive or rather primitive for women to be attracted to 'good providers' no matter how much she earns; though, it varies from women to women but the basic concept still holds truth - no matter how much a women will tell you differently. BANK will always be ATTRACTIVE to women. BANK will always get the hottest women. But, the more she earns, the MORE likely she will have less then desirable traits. I also find women in high powered position to be less physically attractive, demanding, controlling, conniving, manipulative and cheats. All qualities that will deter men to the pseudo hot chick.

The so-called successful independent women have no power and no standing. Their 'success' is their draw back, their enemy. They bark loudly; Logic, or rather Biology dictates mating choices. It is too bad it takes these women to the ages of 40+ to submit to their natural programming. Either they do or they become lipstick lesbians. Women forget, we are the pursers and only purse women who will add to our lives. We are the independent creature, men have conquered the world and build civilizations through intelligence, religion and philosophical studies. Not to say women had no part, they did, the part was, rather, IS vital; but, as it stands women can never be independent no matter how loud she barks she is. My factoid.........

 

I know it's only your opinion so no offence, but that is nuts. My partner is highly educated, as am I, and I know he appreciates my intelligence and supports me in my studies. Likewise my brother and his girlfriend are intellectual equals, and my mother and father...why would a man secure in himself want a woman to control? Wouldn't it get slightly dull to spend thirty years of marriage with a dependent halfwit?

I'm also not sure how true it is that intelligence makes a woman less likely to marry...or to play the baby game... I don't think it will be true in my case. A degree from Cambridge later, I am looking forward to having a family.

 

...nuts!? There will always be exceptions to every rule, but it still remains the same - men want the 'Goddess' before the Business Executive. Your partner is highly educated you say!? Hmm..........women have a habit of hypocritically throwing that phrase around especially when they themselves do not believe it. Every women will high intellect KNOWS she has MORE intelligence is some ways then her partner. Maybe he only appreciates your LEVEL of intelligence if he is "highly educated" eh? What say you!?

Some men are dependent and are mediocre when it comes to self-sufficiency - they seem to lack intelligence and need the help of another partner who is equally self-sufficient. Men with an higher degree of awareness, intelligence and comprehension of human nature are only looking for someone who complements and adds to their lives: personally - in the emotional department.

Now, do not confuse what I am saying. I do enjoy conversation with a women of comparable intelligence. But I know all TOO WELL of the femme fatal types and not in need for another one. They are bossy, controlling, manipulative, conniving, paternal, cheats, disloyal and untrustworthy.

 

I fail to believe that women can't be sexy and loving but also ambitious. It is perfectly possible to keep private and professional life separate.

 

Hmm........ Oh really!? If such a feat is even possible, it still remains - is this type of women attractive, supportive, loyal and nurturing? I have been to France, Germany, Czech Republic-Russia, Africa-Middle East, met women from nearly every denomination and culture, well versed in 4 languages, I sustain, such a feat is an impossibility. Obviously, some women fail to recognise what is sexy in the eyes of men and have no understanding what it means to be loving; it seems their only goal is to try to be like men. The so-called independent ones are doing a horrible job even at that.

 

Well surely if a woman wants to be truly independent she wouldn't be that bothered what a man's opinion of her behaviour was. And if she didn't, she would know that a good relationship results from compromise and attention to your partner's needs. That personally gives me satisfaction, as does my education.

 

But oh!!! Even truly independent women wants a man she can esteem above herself. They just have a problem submitting to one that they do.

 

You've got in a weird area of logic where you're suggesting that people in relationships aren't independent individuals. Obviously, that's not true? Does independence mean being alone? I would have thought independence simply meant not being told what to think or do by someone else.

And does every man in the world find the same thing sexy then?

 

My logic applies in mathematical probabilities. Independence has many meanings the one that pertains to logic is in correlation to mathematical probabilities - Not dependent on other variables. Of or relating to a system of equations no one of which can be derived from another equation in the system. Independence within human nature's emotions - Free from the influence, guidance, or control of another or others; self-reliant: an independent mind.

I am one who has always build my relationships through intelligence - before investing my emotions and loosing my independence. It is a given, when you enter any kind of a relationship you and your partner are both investing in uncontrollable emotions. Each are becoming dependent and will need validation for their emotions.

Do you mean the 'Goddess?' Every man's ideal consists of MANY of the same things, but will always vary from man to man.

 

Still, there is a degree of mistaking between a melding of minds - an idea which does not appeal to me - and an acceptance that any relationship will involve a certain degree of interdependence. At one and the same time, it is possible to be emotionally entangled with someone, to the degree that they provide you with a level of emotional and sexual fulfilment that no-one else can, but the essence of my core personality is left untouched and unchanged. That is the ideal. And for independence of time? Well, simply that if you are in love, how can it be said to be a concession to independence to want to share the best moments of your time with your lover?

Also, I think I was a little offended by the gender bias, which seems to assume that it is women who attempt to 'escape' from binding relationships believing it impossible to remain independent within one...but also that it is women who will tie men down (like you) and rob you of your autonomy.

I don't know about the Goddess, I'm afraid, what does that involve?

 

Not independent...and cool with it. I am not free from the influence and guidance of others. I welcome the influence and guidance from those that I choose to receive it from.

 

I forgot to say, in any society, no individual is truly independent from others.

 

The fact that men believe this is the reason why women are more likely to die of a heart attack than a man. Male doctors dont take our complaints seriously and we are undertreated.

But, I guess those "facts" dont go along with the cutey-cute theories that men hold.

This one I agree with 100%. I have seen too many women who will run down other women. Somehow they believe it makes them look better.


Wish I had a dollar for everytime I read on a forum from another woman, "women are ________. ", implying other women, not her. What they are doing is telling the men that women are faulted creatures but somehow she has risen above the others faults. I see thru them.