Lukewarm Attraction

Lukewarm Attraction (but Emotionally Connected)

So here's a scenario:

A guy meets a girl, whom he finds somewhat attractive. He initially has no plans of having a relationship with this woman but over time he realizes that she has a lot of things in common with him and they get along very well. At times, this guy considers the thought of being with other women that are more of an "ideal" look that he desires but the woman that he is "seeing/dating" isn't exactly bad per say. He just wishes she were more of his ideal type.

He continues dating and seeing this woman (sex included) because he wants to see if his feelings change. Roughly 4 months pass by and his feelings change a bit in that he can now somewhat see past the physical shortcomings he initially saw. He feels as though this woman has something special in terms of connecting with him. Not only is she driven as a person (academically and career-wise) but she also encourages him to become a better man.

Unfortunately, the initial apprehension felt towards the woman that he's in a relationship rears its head from time-to-time and he feels torn on whether or not he should continue seeing this person. Particularly, because this woman sees him as someone that could potentially be her life forever. She's also at a point in her life where she's looking to settle down and find a soulmate to marry and conceive children with at some point within the next few years. On the other hand, he can't quite come to grips with that emotional sentiment just yet because his intentions in life at this point are simply progressing academically and finding a suitable job to stabilize his living situation.

Should he continue dating and seeing this person or should he ends things before the situation becomes even more complicated?

 

Life is too short for mediocrity. Jump ship

 

See... I was going to say go for it.

Forgive; I'm being presumptuous in that the scenario involves you directly.

I'm about half and half.

It could work out and be the most ideal and rewarding relationship of a lifetime... However it could be just a matter of time to see the light of the ways you just cannot manage to deal with that drive you apart, and you could be just wasting your time just to be disappointed and have to walk away later.

It also sounds like both of you may have a different timeline and immediate goals. With women sometimes we get impatient or resentful when the relationship doesn't progress the way it naturally should. We internalize the reasons why and sometimes cannot see the big picture or his POV. Have you talked about waiting until you have achieved some of your short term goals?

For me, it's not about looks (all together) but about the qualities that person brings into my life, the ideals he has about family and how he treats me and fits into my life.

Maybe the best advice is to "go with your gut"

You know yourself best. If you have any doubts, it may be time to walk away.

I need to reevaluate my own relationship so maybe need to take my own advice! Lol

 

How should a relationship progress naturally?

 

so far i agree with everyone......just to add....the main thing your gut feeling is to warn you of a person of ill-intentions.

i wouldnt kick her to the curb. trust made that mistake

 

Women usually have a one track mind when it feels right. If we find someone we could spend our lives with we sometimes tend to walk faster to the finish line. Maybe just me. I have issues!

 

Nope sounds about right just wanted you to spell it out lol

Why such a rush to the "finish line" what's the pay off?

 

have a family....get the kids out the house at a relatively young age and have a full life with their man afterwards

 

I speak for myself; I know I never used to feel so sure and ready for marriage until having met my dude. I do tend to get a bit impatient. My situation has more to do with why I have issues with patience.

I guess you look forward to beginning the rest of your happily ever after because (at least in my case) you have lost so much time and life is short.

I do hate waiting tho.

In relationships two people just have an end goal and if it's marriage and everything is right, it's hard to wait around.

 

What does marriage offer you that you don't have now?
I'm asking these questions because its currently the topic of conversation for me and my girl. We've barely been together a year and she's READY like last week lol

 

Sounds like me and my dude.

honestly, at least for me, marriage offers stability it makes everything feel more secure. It's a symbol to beginning of the rest your life together.

Without marriage either one of you can walk away if you are married, does more to solidify your relationship and you are forced to deal with your issues and work them out.

I think if you have been married and then divorced, you have learned a lot from that failed relationship you know what you want and what you are willing to settle for.

I just want my happily ever after and Im in it for the long haul.

 

If you have the right person you're living that right now. I never saw marriage as secure because people can get divorced, hell people can step out while married but maybe that's just a male way of thinking. Only thing that makes my relationship solid to be me is the daily decision to make it so.
Ain't gonna lie though she might get her wish, this old lion ain't got much fight left lol

 

the problem with marriage is that people come into with the romance of it all and dont think about the day to day of it all

 

true

 

Story of my dating life, OP.

I actually value vanity so the next woman I date will be one who has the style and looks that I've loved since puberty started to set in.

The women I've dated have all been sweet and attractive but not what I'd normally go for i.e. they were conservative and rather "normal". I've always liked artsy, fashion forward, alternative women. Piercings, tattoos, dyed hair, pixie cuts etc...

The same thought you've had always settled in the back of my mind which is why I've never settled down, even though the offer has been on the table twice.

 

im with u on marriage in that you should be slow about it....i would go as far as to say dont get married. its ideal to do so if u have kids and financially its good to do so.

 

I agree, maybe for women marriage makes them a tad bit more committed. What makes an couple really committed in an relationship is shared assets and children. Dudes ain't trying be put on the hook for child support and women don't want to lose their comfy lifestyles.

 

I couldn't recommend any man to get married until 40 at least. As us men age, our stock continues to rise while women's plunge with age.

 

Disagree

I feel like my stock has risen quite a bit not only through my life experiences and maturing but I also blossom into someone beautiful inside and out

And I do agree you should wait until you're older to get married to allow time to mature, time too sew your wild oats and time to find that right person and when you find them you definitely know

 

No doubt your an high value stock but I'm speaking in general. For men in general, it's the women's looks That attract em and keep them chiefly of all qualities. Women can bring everything to the table but if it dude ain't feeling her looks wise, it doesnt matter like in LA's case.

Women want ststability chiefly, aka money and generally with age, men gain more wealth. Beauty is guaranteed to fade but money isn't which is why I believe women's stock nose dives compared to men.