Lukewarm Attraction

Leave her be. Let her move on.

You contacting her further does nothing for her, it would only be selfish on your part. If she wants/needs to say some thing to you, she will contact you.

 

LOL It's really not that exciting. I grew up with some Persians and they would talk about their So Cal relatives. The show is much like what they used to describe (over the top). When I heard that the other day on the show I about died laughing. Mostly because I grew up with the whole "what are you anyway?" thing. A friend of mine called and said "SEE!! I told you you aren't a white chick!!" But then I always knew I was "ethnic" lol.

 

Hindsight and all that. She may have been in your life to teach you something. I think what you described is part of growing up and figuring out what really works and doesn't work for you.

But unless you were truly going to be all in and celebrate who and how she was, it wouldn't have been fair to her for you to be with her. Maybe she would have been best for you, but at that point you weren't best for her.

No one deserves to be with someone who's always thinking there is someone better out there.

 

That sucks to have had "the one" and let her go. I guess it depends on how far from your ideal (physically speaking) she was. If she had everything going for her but that gut physical attraction wasn't there, then I'd wager that you're both better off having not committed to "forever". When physical attraction is less than ideal it can have far reaching effects on a relationship.

 

For me physical attraction fades quick it takes only a few sessions before I get bored of someone's looks. Samson made me think of this Swedish girl I dated when u was 25 a real head turner, amazing body and to this day the sweetest girl I've ever dated. Gave me no grief never fought a single time in a year of dating. I was way too young to appreciate it at the time. Love my girl now but that Swedish girl was definitely the one who got away and not because of her looks but more because she was an amazing person.

 

No, you're missing one very important point; once a person is mature enough to realize what he or she has (or had), then that person knows there isn't anything better to be had.

Newsflash, most men believe there is someone better out there for them. They just don't want to fuck up what they already have. But, the minute something shiny and new pops up, and they think it's a sure thing, they're on to that hot little side piece. That's not where I was with her when I woke the fuck up.

 

wow...that was fast...i think you had your mind made up before you ever posted...you know what is right for you...so here is the thing...in a day or two...maybe even a week you are going to start missing her...second guessing yourself...you will not be doing her any favors by contacting her...contact breeds hope and if you don't intend to follow through you will just end up hurting her more

i hope you find what you are looking for and not wonder some day if she is the one that got away...looks fade...lust fades...life partners through thick and thin are hard to come by...

 

I'm not missing the point, I agree with your first sentence.

Not any newsflash. There's a difference between a mature person and an immature person. Immature are going to go for the flash. A mature person is smart enough to know that the flash quickly fades. (Level of maturity does not necessarily equate to age)

 

and that gut instinct is what I struggled with for so many weeks. I'll admit, as I grew to know her more she became more beautiful to me. I started seeing her so much different than I had initially. It was the toughest thing I struggled with considering she had EVERYTHING else I would ever want in a woman. She felt like the complete package minus my reservations toward her physical looks.

I honestly do feel like we could have been something great but the gut instinct in me was the only reason I took a step back.

 

I've been 100% in your shoes and it took many years for me to realize that my guy, my best friend, had become more like a brother than a partner because that basic attraction just wasn't there. Maybe I'm biased because of my experience but no one deserves to be settled for. I hope you find peace with your decision.

 

Agreed.

Been there myself - 17 years. For me it definitely wasn't just a matter of looks, it's that basic physical attraction. It's either there or not and you can't make it be there when it's not.

 

You gotta wonder if been brought up to be spoiled princes and princesses looking for a perfect that doesn't exist. Can any one person really satisfy all needs

 

There's a lot to this. I don't think anyone can or should be expected (or try) to satisfy all needs. I think you have to know what your core values and real make it or break it's are. What are things you can negotiate/compromise on and what are not?

And then sometimes someone comes along and knocks you for a loop and all that goes out the window.

 

At this point gainful employment good credit shared interests and mutual respect win over lust. Sex is fun but it's not even in my top ten on my priorities list.
Looks and lust fade, four years from now I want to be enjoying life with my best friend not the hottest girl I ever hooked up with.

 

It's very difficult to maintain a relationship when all you are is friends. If you'd been in that position before I think you'd understand. Your partner should be your bff, but they should also be someone you enjoy intimate moments with. Not just sex, but true intimacy. Life is worth more than just making it through each day. If that's all you're interested in, you're selling yourself short imo.

 

There's a vast difference between the hottest girl you ever hooked up with and not being physically attracted to someone.

People need physical intimacy and connection, it's very important in a relationship and definitely part of a healthy relationship.

 

I'm a man for me it's different. I know as long as I keep her happy she'll keep me happy and round and round we go lol

 

This.

 

Well yeah I agree but it doesn't have to be that strong for me to be happy. I'm a guy my eyes constantly wander any way