Lukewarm Attraction

ah ok - I get it.

 

I'm going to be honest; I don't care how attracted to you I am in the beginning, around the 8 month mark, I'm sick of having sex with you. Period. You stop being that hot chick I'm banging and turn into just another chick I'm banging.

But, if all those other qualities are there, then even when the attraction ebbs, I'm still going to be around and work at bringing it back. Because, if you're open to it and truly work at it, you can fall in lust all over again.

Our culture places way too much emphasis on "that spark" when it comes to long lasting relationships. Besides, most of the girls who are fine in your 20's lose it by the time they get to middle age anyway. So, you're far better off having someone who is perfect in every other way.

 

To be clear, it's not that I wasn't attracted to her, I just never felt "head over heels" about her but I really liked her a lot. I do find her attractive, I just thought if I were to see someone as "the one", she would be someone that gives me "butterflies in my stomach" at some point. That being said, she's an amazing person, we have a lot in common and we get along very well. I enjoyed the intimate moments we had behind closed doors and in public.

Her immediate goals (5 year plan) were settling down and finding a husband while mine were simply dating and continuing school so that I can establish a solid career. She already has her career in full swing with 2 degrees to support it.

 

Teacher?

 

Nurse practitioner.

 

Damn good job with a good future.
When you're over thirty with a woman who gives you "butterflies" I just hope she can pull her own weight fam because even if you can afford it it's nice to have a,partner who can hold you down. Not trying to sway you jus keep that in mind

 

Scale of 1-10

Where is she?

 

6.5

 

Tuff call fam. If she was a 7-7.5, I would say you should reconsider, but a 6 is a tough call.

I think you made the right choice considering that you live in Cali. Plenty of nice looking women out there.

Even 6.5 is a tough call

 

Based on the situation I think a 6.5 would be acceptable, but not if you live in Cali, Florida, Georgia or Newyork. It's just too many hot women out there.

 

Excellent Post

 

Agreed.

Sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is be 100% honest with yourself and often being honest is the hardest thing to do.

It's easier to save hurt feelings and maintain a friendship. Eventually those saved feelings would turn into resentment.

Good for you, LA.

Hopefully in time you and your friend will be able to salvage your friendship. It will be some time as I'm sure she's very hurt since her feelings were much deeper. If your connection was genuine, eventually you will be able to learn how to be friends. Maybe, maybe not...

 

telling someone its over is tuff....its not pretty..

 

I agree. It sounds like she's ready for more. If he is not ready or if he's not sure she's the right person for him... I'd say cut the loses (for both), and move on. She could be missing out on someone who is ready to move forward.

I was recently prepared to do the same. My g/f had long told me that she'd marry me tomorrow, but it's not at all a requirement for her to be happy. We're both divorced, but mine was final recently. I thought that maybe she was ready to be married again, and I'd need to let her go if that was the case.

 

Sorry to hear. I absolutely believe females and males can be friends, but you may be right in the case of you two. It's sad, but you may have to let her go totally.

 

You're right, in that my mind was on the fence leaning towards ending things. I actually brought up some of my feelings a few days before it all ended. The sentiments weren't that of a complete break-up, just that I feel that maybe we as a couple have different 5 year goals right now. This was said while hanging out at a downtown rooftop bar. While she did get a bit teary eye-d, it didn't ruin the night and everything was fine--even the next day.

It was 2 days (Sunday) after that conversation that we had at the bar when I came over to her place to hang out with her again and sometime into that night she brought up the convo we had Friday night. That was when I had to tell her my true feelings and at that point she decided we should no longer continue seeing each other. I guess you could say it was mutual since I agreed she deserved better and someone who is "ready".

Lastly, yes, I do want to contact her. I have been second guessing myself. I just want to see her one more time. I figured I should wait at least a month or so before I initiate any form of contact but after reading what everyone is saying, it seems as though I should completely stop trying to talk to her in every way. Kind of hard to process that thought, really. I guess that's the best thing to do. It really sucks taking that route.

 

Lol what does ready even mean?

 

Ready and open to the idea of being married within the next few years. "Settle down." That's not even something that's on my radar right now.

 

I hear you but to me if its the right person for you all that other shit is fluff. I don't understand why people cling so heavily to this marriage bs. Signing papers and having a party doesn't mean a person loves you and has your back.
Life ain't no dress rehearsal, its filled with a ton of ups and downs and its sad that when people talk about being ready that's not what they're talking about