Question? Why do ww women like black men when they get older

But of course, it is about being manupulative, and playing games, on both sides of the gender aisle. And it is consistant one, with the other, or else it wouldn't be known as playing "cat & mouse", or the "game of life". If most men didn't fund the date, then the woman would probably not be too receptive about going out with that guy. Is that not a form of manipulation? Pay to play! There are certain conditions that can either make, or break what would have otherwise been a great night out for any given couple, but if a woman decides early on that a guy didn't open up a door, or pull her chair out, or heck, maybe she just determined within the first 5 minutes of meeting that guy, that she can never be with him, then, well do you think she's going to spare the guy the time, effort, and money which is associated with that night out, and tell him immediately it's not going to work out? No, because she will knowingly continue on with that date, get all the benefits of it, then politely tell him good night at the end of the evening, never intending to see him again. Have you personally ever spared a guy from wasting time on a date with you that you knew he was wasting his time, yet unbeknownst to him he was? Anytime you say you haven't, then you're guilty of having played games too. So we men BETTER know what it takes in order to give ourselves the best chance at winning her heart, or run the risk of being played for an expensive, and time wasted evening out.

How far would a guy get if he wanted to sleep with a woman, but refused to provide the accomodations? Even though that intimacy would be greatly enjoyed by both individuals mutually, without the guy having the resources, that being money, which is the great manipulator, many things which may happen pertaining to the game(s) that must be played will never happen.

 

Rinnaye - you know very well that there are those who do not play the games and are very consistent and up front about who and how they are. Of course then there are those who are very up front about the games they play..as you have illustrated.

You've made some comments on here referring to your thoughts about how games should be played. Maybe that works well for you. That's not something that works for or with me. And I would go further in saying that it doesn't work for many women (key word being women) Maybe it grabs someone's attention for a second and if that's all you are really wanting...well then I guess it works. But once a *woman* sees that it's a game and not genuine....she's gone.

There are those of us who don't feel that there is any need for games. Some of us feel that life is challenging enough and are really simply interested in getting to know someone and the possibility of building a relationship, without all the added bullshit. Obviously you and I disagree on this.

You've now said several things about paying for dates and such. It's your choice as to whether or not you wish to do this. It sounds like you may take issue with that you have paid for dates and you had expectations that were not met. I don't know what to tell you. For me, if I ask someone to do something and offer to pay, I don't have any expectations. If they ask me to do something and they pay, I would hope that there would be no expectations other than a time of conversing and enjoying whatever the activity is. If they have some ulterior motive or expecations...that's their problem. If you don't like what's going on with your paying for dates and not having your expectations met, then maybe you should take a look at what you are doing. Some say the definition of crazy is continuing to go down the same path and expecting different results.

In regards to wasting anyone's time. I have no interest in doing so. If I'm not interested in someone, I do end the date. I've done this since I was a teenager. I don't keep it going nor do I put on a phony front if I'm not interested. At any given point I realize that I'm not interested or it will not work for me, I let the person know. And when someone asks me to give them the benefit of the doubt and a chance/2nd chance to see what they are really about (because that is actually what dating is about) then I may do so. But that wouldn't be wasting their time - they know where I'm at about it and have requested to keep going.

I will agree that there are many on both sides that play games. But because most/all are doing so doesn't mean that others need to buy into it and do the same. The thing is ...it's really rather foolish. But then again, it depends on what one is really hoping to find.

 

Rinnaye, you must have had a bad week. That's all I can figure because usually you are so much more careful to articulate better than you have today. I can see your points, and believe me discussions with emotional women will never end well. I also see their points. It seems they think you are advocating the games and I understand you to be saying they simply exist, and there isn't much anyone can do about changing it. I don't see it as you advocating. I felt like you were talking more in general tones, and some have taken it as if it is your personal choice, or that you like it the way it is.

I did just want to answer this one thing though. You see with me, I would not even go out on the date unless I already knew they guy at least well enough to know that I wanted to get to know him much better. So if I were on a date, and saw something that was negative, it would have to be very extreme for me to decide then and there that he was wasting his time. Most of the negative that I may see at that point would need to be weighed, and I would not be jumping to a conclusion about him because of it. So I would continue to enjoy the evening, although I may still chose to stop dating him after thinking it over and weighing the pros and cons of the issue.

But LONG before allowing him to pay for anything for me, I would have gotten to know that this relationship was headed toward a long term relationship or I simply could not allow him to pay. As in a single male friend who invited me to lunch after church the other day. I did not go, because I was broke and I would not allow a man to pay for anything for me in a "casual" relationship, it can bring on all kinds problems later on.

So again, as I have said before, find a way to get to know a lady, before you date her... You may find it was WELL worth the time... or at least saved you a bundle of wasted money...

 

LOL!

Finally, someone who get's what I'm saying!

 

You're welcome!!

 

You guys don't know me but I have been reading this conversation because I am a ww who is 47 yrs old, with a 47 yr old black man, first interracial relationship for me...married twice to white men...I did not seek him out but was fixed up by a friend. We parted Dec 28...but we spent a year together and I had no idea about what a black man has to deal with in the US. There are many many things I learned this past year but in responding to Rinnaye I have to say I agree with him, atleast from my experience in Cali. Although I know he had been with many women throughout his life, but he asked me right away that if I am looking for the "black" experience then he was not the guy. It surprised me that he had to say that, but told me that many many women are looking for that, a novelty so to speak. I also noticed that when we were out in public there was just this vibe from other white women, almost always a sexual vibe, I felt offended for him, and i know how it feels to be objectified by men throughout my life but had no idea that black men have to deal with the same thing, not sure if it is just white women or all women.

 

Great post LiveLoveCCC. It is very challenging to put ourselves in another's shoes and you have illustrated that well. Often it's so easy to assume that one's situation cannot be compared to another's which perhaps it cannot, but the feelings of being trapped in a role with no one seeing who one truly is can be equally devastating.

Thank you for posting this.

Cheers.

 

You have my vote for one of the best stated posts I've read, so far this year. Notwithstanding, those posts made by my girl Tinkerbell, of course.

I couldn't have said any of this any better!

And the validation of it all coming from you, a WW too! Well, that's just priceless.

Yes, I am all too familiar with what happens at least here, when I go out with a WW. So many other WW will make very blatant remarks, statements, and any, and all types of advances towards me, and at the expense of my date's comfort. There has also been a thread on here that talked about this very thing. How so many WW seeing a BM with a WW seemed to unleash an almost torrent of White Women upon him while in public. Many White women seem to think a BM is fair game, if he's out with his White companion. Often disrespecting both the guy, and his girl.

 

Now on this, I will agree with you.

I know I've seen some really shameful behavior out there. A friend of mine has talked about how it seems that certain ww will behave in ways around bm that they would NEVER do around wm. Unfortunately, it's true. It's like there is this complete lack of respect for the bm and the ww he's with. There have been all sorts of conversations about how bw might be upset/angry/weird about bm and ww being together. But there is sometimes this weird thing that goes on with ww about other ww with bm. It's like all their class goes right out the window and they feel they have the right to come play up to a bm right in front of the other ww he's with. In my experience it seems to happen more so with the "older" ww....often 45+. It's disgusting. I can't even imagine the idea of flirting or coming on to a man another woman is with!

Thankfully, other than on one occasion, the men I've been out with do not tolerate this type of behavior in any way shape or form.

 

I agree also. From my experience, a relationship between a bm/ww always carries sexual connotations other pairings do not. But it isnt just the white women who see it as sexual, I had older black women make sexual comments about the black men I was with too. It always strikes me as strange because you just dont get them when with other men.

And dont get me started on people who will call my husband my lover.

 

Yes, my dear friend KnCA, we do agree. For it was only a few weeks ago, when I was out on a date with a very nice woman at a local karaoke bar, and I felt that my being there with her, must have given some of the other women there, the ill fated green light, because I found that a few particular gals in that place continued to pass by me in this crowded bar, yet they would pass by me on more than a few occasions, and almost blatantly rub their chest area up against me, when I knew there was enough room for them to pass by, without all the contact. It just made me want to take my date back to my place, and ravish her.

 

hmmm...it couldn't possibly be because the bar was very crowded though? I mean come on, I know that we all can be guilty of reading things into things. But if so....I wonder if she may have had all sorts of hot men looking at her hard too right in front of you? Bumping into her? Fly makes good points. It's true that there seems to be this undeniable sexual play that goes on out there ESPECIALLY in regards to ww/bm.

I realize Tink came to your defense on the game playing conversation. But you know that you have stated (in this thread) the necessity of such game playing and how you do what is needed. I really hope that you will come to realize that it's not only unnecessary but really undesirable. But of course, again...it depends on the type of woman you are really wanting to be with and what type of relationship you are really wanting to have (sometimes people's thoughts, words, actions are not consistent)

And on the paying for dates and things about dating....With all due respect to Tink...she's not been one to date in life...I believe ever actually. I get what she's saying and respect her views about dating...but really - for most dating is a way to get to know someone and if they are really interested in a relationship or not. For some they are clear they don't want a relationship and it's simply about having fun.

I'm really surprised Rinnaye that seem to have such issue with paying for though. I mean you have talked so many times on here about your status, and how you feel a man should be with a woman. It seems to me that you are one who would promote chivalry and old school ways when it comes to dating and relationships. It just doesn't seem consistent that you would be one with all sorts of hidden expectations with your dates. You seem to be rather inconsistent with the things you say.

 

Probably not! Given, this sort of thing has happened to me on more than just this one occasion, plus, it was more than one woman doing it, and finally, not every woman who passed by me, had to make that sort of contact upon passing by me that night. Some turned away as they passed, and their backside would be closest, instead of their front side.

Care to show me that post?

I've already apologized, if any of my statements were offensive, I am not willing to shed blood in retribution. I acknowledged that I may have made a mistake too, but that is ignored by you, so your continued persistance to bring this up is pointless, and immature. Besides, you, or anyone else here do not have to be with me, so why get your panties in a bunch over who, or what I may be, or believe anyways?

My life, my choices. Or at least I thought that was how it's supposed to work.

All Hail Mary, the perfect know it all, with a controlling personality, out to deliver us from ourselves.

So now you're able to speak for her like this? Have you been with her, all her life to know this? Where is your proof to back up this statement? And if she's ever been married, then your statement goes completely out the window, in a pitifully ridiculous manner.

Once again, I can't control what you are, or aren't willing to hear, because of your own emotions. It's not that I am complaining about paying, but more to what is expected, or implied, based on our gender differences. Obviously, there are several rational, and non emotional members who've read my posts, and understand what I was saying, but you, and a few others fail to do so, and that's not my bag to get you to understand this any longer.

 

Well ive stayed out of this Rinnaye , but now i feel you are being slightly obtuse here, knca has a point, you struck me as the old fashioned type aswell, ref your previous posts.

ive been shocked to read all this stuff, im not arguing, i have no wish to, but whats with all the controlling personality thing thats rather personal, she is responding to posts you have made not visa versa, if you dont want to be seen in a bad light i personally would refrain from dragging this on.

I personally think she right, when she says tinks dont date, not in the sense as we see dating anyway, if you had read other posts of tinks you would see its fairly obvious.

Anyway all i really wanted to say is that this is not a good look for you Rinnaye, its changed my perception somewhat, i hope you redeem yourself later.

 

francie,

I'll always respect your words of wisdom, and I'll leave it at that.

 

There is a story of what I told on here bout taking a female friend out to pay back a bet. Well thre is a part I lfet out because I didnt think it mattered at the time till I read this. I was out with her, taking all the stars and all the looks, and that was cool. But the funniest thing was the wiatress. I swear this witress was flirting with me the whole time I was with my friend. I couldnt believe it .

Now at the time I was dense, and figured she realized we were jsut friends and wanted to have alittle fun for a bigger tip but looking back on it now ....HUMMMMMM

 

Rinnaye this thread just illustrates a valuable lesson; keep your mouth shut around females. LOL. Just do your thing.

 

"You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to karmacoma again."

Too bad it's gotta be like that, but unfortunately, truer words have never been spoken.

It's all good here, until some waaay too sensitive individuals hear what they don't like.

 

Funny how women cry about "honesty" until it's something they don't like. I've learned it's best to say nothing.

 

...and that's what's sad, how we're urged to be either fake, or silent, in order to meet the approval, and all get along, up in this piece. :?