I hear you but like I said we all deal with our past experiences in different ways. Like I have had too many bad experiences with religious women to seek one out. And maybe if someone doesn't lead with their preference for black men or religious men it would be easier to get to know them. I have a preference for white women and I never lead with that and seemed to do well finding women I wanted. I guess it boils down to personal comfort.

 

I'd like to add that this is a common occurrence between men on here as well as other black men (friends and family) that I have spoken to about this. It isn't the 4 to 5 guys here, but the countless other black men who have experienced the same. I've read a few blog posts in the past about this, seen the comments agreeing about this, not to mention the large number of people I've spoken to about this like, "you ever notice when someone says they only date black men that...". I understand what you are saying that 1 out of 100 women might actually be a genuine person. But, as black men actually dealing with women, we are much more aware of the 99 that do fetishize us. And it is much easier to avoid that and find someone who will treat us like humans. Avoiding things as a black man based om red flags is what keeps us alive and well. Kind of like that other thread about the crazy white girl with the criminal record that pushed and tried to choke that football player. We generally all agreed that although he should be able to defend himself that isn't reality and as a black man the odds are against you so you must avoid such things. The same can be said for those kinds of women on dating sites. Black men have a lot of things to avoid based off of how society looks at us, and we are hyper aware of the signs. I see the point you are trying to make, but we are incredibly more experienced in this area.

 

I think sublety is key in a lot of areas. It's an attractive trait to have. Leading with positive things about a person makes me more interested in wanting to know more. I've been approached by women who lead with "I like black men" as if it were some sort of prize ot that I should be honored that they would even consider us or something. But, a subtle approach, a positive attitude, and a pleasant nature goes far.

I'd have to agree with you on the religious women thing. There isn't anything wrong with it, but it isn't compatible with me. We all have our red flags and they exist for a reason. I find that if I pay attention to those red flags I end up with better relationships and friendships.

 

I prefer women to be more subtle about such things. Like chicks on dating sites who advertise their openness by putting pics that show them with black friends, girlfriends & such...or list their music preferences, like "old school r&b". ...Or they'll simply state they date "outside of their race". Everybody knows what that means, even if they don't advertise specifically for bm. A combo of these signs makes it clear. lol

Some will also state "please don't respond if you're racist..." That's probably the best.

...Just offering up these as tips for white women who might be looking for bm on dating sites that aren't specifically IR sites. :^)

 

Glad I haven't been approached like that. Even if they only date bm, it always comes up much later.

 

Agreed. Something sexy about a woman who understands less is more

 

Kinda reaching with the old school r&b thing.

 

I wouldn't believe anyone that said MOST dudes send dick pics on dating sites.

 

Yeah. They usually say Hip-Hop or Rap. Old School R&B would be a new one for me.

 

And even then, it's black music. Everybody likes that shit. Now if it was just rap and nothing else, I guess you could make a point but let's not act like the most suburban white girl doesn't have trap music in her playlist.

 

When they specify the kinda music they like it's so they can share that with their new guy. If they're advertising old school R&b (e.g. baby-making music), they're likely not looking for a white guy. It's not the end-all be-all, but it's a hint. Just like "rap". If they're clever, they'll put other clues too. Just sayin.

I can guarantee you that while all kinds of people listen to r&b and old school r&b, you'll find it mentioned more in BW profiles than WW. Correct? Well, the WW who mention it have something in common with those BW, in their past experiences and who they want to share that music with, imho.

 

Yeah its pretty true BW often list that stuff along with neo soul.

 

Lol, if she knows who Eric Roberson is then she's down.

 

Well yous a youngin, women I've met lately consider 90s r n b as old school now lol.

 

Lol I'm old af ??

 

It makes sense though I guess. When Next Came out with Too Close and Usher came out with My Way, Parliament Funkadelic was at their peak almost 20 years earlier and they were old school by the late 90s. Fast forward 20 years and now these dudes are old school. It's just wired considering them old school with a much more modem sound. Hell they play T Pain, Chris Brown and Drake on the old school hip hop station and next year Soldier Boy will have been out of 10 years......I heard crank dat on the throwback station a while ago.......fuck

 

I understand. No one wants to feel like an experiment, novelty, or fetish. When I did dating sites, I tried all sorts of different things and the truth is it really didn't matter much. I found that men don't typically read the profiles. It's more of a look and click type thing and then read later.

 

I get what your saying. And, I agree to a point. I started off being very, very open minded about the women I met online. But, after a couple years of experience, I learned that some generalization isn't such a bad thing.

With that said, like anything else, it's about finding some kind of reasonable balance about what one's disqualifiers are. For some it's smoking. For others, it's an open declaration in favor of black dick to the exclusion of all others. ...lol

 

Is that most people. We are first listen later?

 

Lol you know I checked out okcupid today after being in this thread to see what was out there. You guys had me curious. Well one thing I noticed a lot of the same attractive women I was interested in even four years ago are still on there but now far more of them have "don't be crazy" in their title or on their profile.
I also realized fewer people write that much on their profiles anymore and I didn't see a single "no insert race here" profiles.
One thing I got from it so happy I found the right person for me. If I find myself single again I'm done. I can't stomach ever going through that cesspool again. It's clear many of the people on there just want attention and no real connection or think this shit is like shopping and they'll eventually come across the perfect shoes or handbag.