Advice on Approaching Black Guys in a Club

S

seviya

New Member
Okay I would really appreciate any advice or help on this.

I’m a 29 year old white girl and relatively new to dating black men (whom I just absolutely adore). The two black guys who I dated I’d known for a while, so I didn’t have to go out to meet them.

Well, yesterday I decided I’m ready to start looking, go put myself out there, and so last night as my first foray I went out with my Latina friend to a club, because you never know what you might find, and . . . I just froze!!! There were quite a few interesting-looking guys there who I would at *least* have liked to talk to, but not only did I forget my tongue, I also felt like I didn’t know how to approach them in the “right” way.

Now, I know that ultimately there is no “right” way, but my Latina friend was like “Heeeeeyyyyyyyyy” to all of them, playing with their dreads as she walked past, going up and dancing on them for a second as we walked (to go get a drink or something), and not a single one – not a single one! – even gave me a passing glance! They all just followed *her* with their eyes. Now, I’m not ugly, but I figure it was because my friend was so open about her interest. She had “game”. Me, I’m so used to flirting with boring white guys, I met their eyes then looked away, then came back, you know played with my hair that kind of thing.

Well needless to say that didn’t work. And while I’m not too shy to go up and introduce myself, I look so *bland* doing this next to my Latina friend who’s backing up to them and dancing around. I know my way and her way are not the only way to go about meeting guys in the club, but I’m not so confident to go dance up on someone when I don’t know them, and apparently my whitebread attempts don’t get me anything but embarrassment.

So I ask you: is there a way to get attention in the club without dancing up on someone?? Because my meeting-the-eyes thing didn’t work, and I am a bit too shy to go up to a whole group of guys, single one out, and be like, “Um hi um my name is Seviya what’s yours I have no game can you tell.” If I met a guy somewhere else than the club I wouldn't have a problem striking up a conversation, but in a club . ..

I feel like this is a stupid question because we’re all just people but I feel like there’s certain methods that work better in the club with black men than white men (geez can I say “in the club” one more time). I got a lot of attention from the white guys last night (which sucked and just reinforced my love for the black man, I mean seriously white guys are sooooooo boring to me now), and I think that’s because I’m good at the traditional “white” way of meeting people.

I hope this makes sense. “Game” isn’t necessary I’m sure, but it IS fun, and I always appreciate good game in a black guy, and I want to be able to have that back-and-forth. (Tho I don’t want my game to be as in-your-face as my Latina’s friend, that’s just not me.)

Any advice would be very very much appreciated!!! I really don’t want to look like a dork. Thank you!
 
you can find me in da club.....

bottle full of bub...

momma, I got whatcha need..

:P



some of 50cent's greatest lyrics right there
 
I did read on another post (this whole forum is *wonderful* by the way, thanks to whomever started it) about going up to a guy and telling him he's beautiful. I could definitely do that, but would have to walk away afterwards and see if he bites.

The jokes thing is a good idea but if I'm honest that's not really my style. Maybe if he looked laughy and stuff I could do that - but not to the ones standing around with their friends looking fierce, lol. That would crash and burn soo bad. I can hear it now: "What's wrong with this white girl?!?"

and harrydre, you live in NJ, practically on the other side of the *world* - way too far away. sorry baby. you make it down to the beach sometime and we'll talk. :smt004
 
seviya said:
I did read on another post (this whole forum is *wonderful* by the way, thanks to whomever started it)
Click to expand...

I agree...

in my life, the IR scene isn't one of great debate and reflection....

some guys I work with don't mind it, others hate to see Tiger Woods with his white wife...

I'm all for being happy and dating whomever you choose too..but I really haven't found like-minded people, to really go into deep shiet, about IR, with..

like IR kids, the attraction between black and white, and so on..

without these forums, I would be lost, OR, making separate IR topics on other forums, and getting slammed by regressive types who want to see black with black, white with white, and so on..

:)
 
Veyron said:
If jokes aren't your thing then just pretend to ask him some questions and spark up a conversation that way. Even if the question is kind of stupid and corny you let him know that you were interested in him without comming off to strong and Im pretty sure a guy will appreciate that. If you then become really interested just do the flirty things women do to let him know. Like touch his hand, and hit gently on the arm.

Your extremely attractive you shouldn't have a difficult time getting the interest of any men. Don't be too cautious and uptight. Where still human. Where black not mutants. :wink:
Click to expand...

You're right Veyron, I just need to relax. And stop worrying about "game". I guess I'm just transitioning, lol, and as usual am overthinking things. I am also very very intimidated by a good-looking black man (which in my world is actually a good thing). But relaaaaax aye. :D

And you're too kind, thank you for the compliment. Makes me blush!! :smt053 Hey now where's that photo of you in the wifebeater . . . ? :smt112
 
Hey there Seviya,

Perhaps I missed something, but... you dated a couple of brothers before. Now you don't know how to flirt with them?! If you're leary of or not yourself in the clubs, I wouldn't stress or strain myself.

Where else are you reaching out and flirting?


P.s., I need to figure out how to shrink my photo to 100 x 100.
 
We (men) are easy, black or white. Usually a friendly smile will open the door for a confident man. After that, just weed out the knuckleheads.
 
hunny if you are looking for a relationship, behaving like your friend aint gonna catch you a guy who wants you for more than sex. now, it depends what you are looking for (casual sex can be fun and educational) but dancing solo and hot is gonna make the men want to approach you because you are not giving out the image of a total hussy. what do the men say, are you in agreement, or am i just too british?
 
It depends on what you are looking for....if you are looking for a little fun....just make some eye contact and if he looks interested at all...go up to said brotha and start a convo.


Certainly if its a club that is mixed or mostly white....go ahead...in a club that's mostly black...it might not be a great idea because he will either be uninterested....or reluctant to go for a WW around a lot of BW.
 
WillWright said:
Hey there Seviya,

Perhaps I missed something, but... you dated a couple of brothers before. Now you don't know how to flirt with them?!
Click to expand...


A club situation is completely different from what I'm used to. I trained with the two black guys I dated, so I didn't have to "catch their eye" in a very short amount of time, I didn't have to try any lines with them, didn't have to really think of anything striking to say. Our relationships grew out of our constant training and friendship (and the fact that we were on the ground with each other all the time, lol); so it was very natural.

Clubbing is totally different in my opinion. It's more of a market, with everyone making quick appraisals and so on. People are a lot more discerning (or a lot less, depending on how you look at it). I went to a pretty mixed club. And as I said, not a single black guy met my eyes when I looked at him. They sure liked my little Latina, though! :evil: So they certainly weren't afraid of what the BW would say (but I didn't see a single BW anyway). Oh well. I'm not going to base a lot on it, but it was a confusing and frustrating first foray, if I do say so myself.

So you're right Soulthinker, shyness doesn't get you anywhere in the club . . . Working on finding the balance between being direct and being a hussy, haha. We'll see. I'm much better at writing than I am at talking . . .
 
Are you a good/decent dancer? When I was in your boat I found that the more I stood around at a club, the shyer I became. SO I would usually dance with my female friends.
 
kirsty said:
Are you a good/decent dancer? When I was in your boat I found that the more I stood around at a club, the shyer I became. SO I would usually dance with my female friends.
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as long as you don't "get down," like Elaine from Seinfeld, you should be ok...

even if you just two-step a bit... that's better than doing nothing....

sooner or later, a guy will come across to "bounce dat thang," and you'll be droppin' it like it's hot before you know it..

if I was a guy at the club, and seen you doing a little something with yourself, I would come over and start something..

i dance even better when I get a beer in me... It's like I feel the music in my bones, especially if it's hip-hop or dance..

:wink:
 
Well in defense of your friend, that is how you flirt in the club and trust me (unless the guy is a fool.) the guys join in on the fun. But that aint your way regardless than clubs have all types of crowds in their.

You have the
"wild crowd" - dirty dancing, sexual flirting, fun & sexy conversations, and lots of alcohol, and will speak to whomever will listen.

"cool crowd" - Buy the bar out(buy drinks for a bunch of ladies.), real talkative, slang speach, Lean & Rockin, crank dat superman, shoulder lean, etc., casual drinking and easy to talk to because of the vibe.

"laidback crowd" - thats the people that are on the dance floor 2 steppin, one drink in the hand all night(sometimes 2.), chillin at the bar, the V.I.P. or at a table just boppin they head and watchin, gies the head nod when they want to talk.

So I would just say feel out which crowd you belong to, and get yo drink on shorty. :wink:
 
seviya said:
I looooove dancing but am pretty inexperienced at dancing "with" someone (mostly danced to house all my life). But this video has been pretty helpful lol, dayummmm he's got it going on (and a nice little bit of IR action too!!! :D )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87kZJu9FJOw

watch out people, i'm gonna be tearin it up :smt079
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do a youtube search for "soulja boy tell em'," follow his instructional videos....

instant black dude magnet..

:)
 
“Um hi um my name is Seviya what’s yours I have no game can you tell.”

- Actually, that would probably be the BEST thing you could say. Gets your name out, inquires about them, shows a sense of humor and that you don't take yourself too seriously. For what it's worth, I would completely be intrigued by someone who did that.
 
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