Petition to revoke the independence of the United States of America

To the citizens of the United States of America, in the light of your government’s failings in effectively managing sub prime lending, and thus placing the world financial markets in such turmoil, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective from today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories.

Your new Prime Minister (The Right Honourable Gordon Brown MP) will appoint a Minister for America without the need for further elections.

The House of Representatives and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium." Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.

The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour'; skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters.

Even with the letter 'u' reinstated, you will still be required to spell all words fully.Words like 'through' will remain just that. The use of 'thru' will be made illegal, punishable by forced reading of a book.


You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."

You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to re-spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary, then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney or upper-class twit.

You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents --- Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles.

While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon." If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football." There are other types of football such as Rugby, Aussie Rules & Gaelic football. However proper football - which will no longer be known as soccer, is the best known, most loved and most popular.

The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football.

Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).


You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of North America and Asia. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders," which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap, and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.

All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call 'French fries' are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat.


Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

10. From the 10th of December the UK will harmonise petrol (or "gasoline," as you will be permitted to keep calling it until the 1st of April) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $10/US gallon -- get used to it).

11. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

12. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.



:smt043:smt043:smt043:smt043

 

:smt043:smt043 :smt043

 

I don't have any problems with the other ones , but this we Americans cannot do. American football is all we want. Let us keep some semblance of our culture man :smt003

 

lol, i've signed up on that one on facebook already..

 

If you rename it, you can keep it...


I'll let john cleese do the talking..:

[YOUTUBE]xyWZyGEh5DY[/YOUTUBE]

 

you signed up...lol, I have as well..

 

Thanks for posting that Scylla

John Cleese a national treasure, couldn't think of anyone else to put us across so well lol:smt005

 

That man is so wonderful! ^___^

 

Queen Lizzy as head of state !!!:shock:
You cant be serious.
Give us back George Bush.

 

Haha.
Nice one swazi...can't say that there's not a semblence on truth in all of those things!

I would like to add one...

"thru" is no longer allowed.
IE - monday thru friday.
it's Monday through to Friday...

and 2008 is said as two thousand AND eight.
NOT two thousand eight.

 

That was pretty funny :mrgreen: and I like John Cleese, but we Americans won't budge on this one lol.

One thing though. I like American Football because it's action-packed and controlled at the same time. There's time for strategy. You don't have much of that in Association Football. Possessions change hands multiple times in the game. It's hard to keep track

I wouldn't say that American Football players don't think for themselves either. Many times, players cannot execute the play as it is drawn up. Things change at the snap of the ball.

There's alot more scoring in American Football. I've watched Association Football games. There's very little scoring in most games, only one or two goals in a 90 minute game. I'll accept that I'm a biased American , but the lack of scoring kinda turns me off

I must say I do like the World Cup

 

I have to agree. I'm not budging on giving up American football. No way, no how. REVOLT!!

 

Hell yeah! They have to change the terms if they want the Americans' acceptence :smt045

 

haha...okay, a revolt, guess you can keep the American football, but under the condition you rename it...thinking along the lines of nancy boys sport..

 

I have added one of your suggestions...

 

No, I am not being serious..
Now, are you being serious about George Bush?

 

:smt043:smt043:smt043

 

padded nancy boys sport.

 

I say we just keep the name football. And you guys can call YOUR football by its proper name: soccer. :smt023

 

Ok, lets rename all logically named sports.. Team handball could be called, I don't know, sticks? Basket ball, lets call that forest. Showjumping maybe.. fence? :lol::lol:

I will still just point at dear mr Cleese and say Look again! Look again! Like the ravens Never More, I'll repeat it until the message sinks in.. :lol: