Hi! First timer! I have been eating this site up for days but I've not found anything that answers my specific "problem." Here is my situation: I am a white girl whom would prob be considered attractive in my little, white hipster world. About six months ago I started taking capoeira lessons from this very attractive black guy. He and I could not be more different. He went to a community college and is pretty working class. I go to an elite private university for graduate school. He is a little bit gangsta, I am a whole lot of white bread. I could care less about these differences, and I totally enjoy his company, but I feel like they are pertinent. Recently I realized I am pretty into this guy. I know some of our racial and class differences, and even our lack of similar interests, would make an actual relationship challenging, but I'm willing to try, or at least have fun dating for awhile. The thing is, I've very casually dated a few black guys, but they were really assimilated into the white community (ie, they went to my university and had to spend time around a whole lot of white people.) This guy isn't assimilated into my community at all, nor am I to his. Just a few weeks ago I was at an all black club with a friend, and I was watching all these beautiful Beyonce looking women there thinking, "Why would this guy be into me at all?" In my world I'm hot, in his world I feel like a geeky white chick with no flavor at all. I feel like we are both really curious about each other, but he is SUPER nice to everyone- men and women, so while I feel like there is this attraction and wonder there, I could just be reading his friendly signals wrong. I just don't get why he would like me when there are so many more women he has stuff in common with. I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I'm a pretty confident person and I feel great about myself in general, I just wonder if people prefer to date others like them or what. My more serious relationships have been with guys more similar to me, but maybe if I'm willing to give it a shot maybe he is too?
It's an interesting question. The thing you have to realize is, the world is changing. People aren't as shallow as you may think. Sure, there are beautiful, Beyonce looking black women that he could be attracted to, but men are simple creatures. They tend to like any woman who is attractive, regardless of the race. So basically, it's very realistic for him to find those black women attractive, but also find you attractive at the same time. The cultural differences (him being ghetto, while you're very white bread) can be a hurdle if you let them. But if you embrace the differences and have fun with the fact that you're different, and you both grew up in different communities, i think that will enrich both of your lives. Not sure if i answered your question, but i am curious to see how it turns out for you. Do keep us updated.
Thanks! You definitely helped. I think that is something I needed to here. Not that I would think of him as shallow at all, but you are right, he is an awesome guy and I should give him the benefit of the doubt, and by not giving him the benefit of the doubt I'm totally underestimating him. I mean, I obviously like him because he is a great person, and truly great people could care less about those superficial differences.
If hes ghetto/thug,then imo you shouldnt mess with him. It will be harder for you so sell em to your parents
Exactly! From your description of him (how he's very helpful and nice with everybody) it sounds like he has a good head on his shoulders, and is a genuinely good person. His being ghetto won't stop him from being good to you, and that's what matters most. So yes, i agree with you. He deserves the benefit of the doubt based upon the goodness that you see in him as a person, and judging by your description i seriously doubt that he would care about any of those superficial differences.
But why does she have to do any selling to her parents? I mean, i understand her possibly wanting the approval of her parents when it comes to choosing a partner, but man, we've only got one life to live. You have to do what makes "you" happy. Despite this guy being ghetto acting or not, if he's a good man, that should supersede everything else. Black men who "aren't" ghetto still have to deal with the unhappy parents of their ww partners.
Yeah,but many times white women(or women in general) do care about their folks approval,and the maker of the thread hasnt confirmed this so far. Yeah black educated black men who arent ghetto,still have to deal with stuff from the folks due to the color of his skin,but it will be harder for the parents to argue against the daughter dating a Black man if he is educated and well put together,unless they are blatantly racist.
i understand u could be about not sharing interests etc... but who cares about the social status? fortunately u don't live in india, and u can date whoever u want. Give him some signals and see how he reacts.
Wow, this thread makes me ever so delighted! Thanks all! Especially those encouraging me to just go for it!!! As for the issue of family approval, obviously this is a major issue among a lot of people on this sight, esp if there are race and class differences. Fortunately, my two older sisters would be cool with whoever I brought home, and they are the immediate family I am closest to. My dad is the only parent who's approval I would seek and he passed away last year. I don't think my dad would be thrilled, but he'd never say anything and he'd strive to try and understand. And in the end, my dad respected good people and that would win him over more than this guys skin color or income bracket. My mom is kind of batshit crazy and so I could never bring this guy home to her, she's too unpredictable and I would never want to subject him to what could become horribly awkward. That kind of sucks in some ways, but I don't even like bringing my regular old white boyfriends home to her so it's not that far of a stretch to not bring someone home at all. My extended family would prob also be cool, maybe a few of them wouldn't be totally sure how to talk to him at first, but he's pretty darling so they'd get it. I mean, I'm sure if he had a PhD they'd be instantly comfortable, but I think at first they'll be like "He wears gold chains. Oh my!" Ha! Seriously though, I am hearting this site and those who commented, thanks again! I feel so encouraged! I hope he likes my wonderful wonder bread self! Woot Woot! (See I have SOME street in me. I mean, doesn't loving the Wu Tang Clan count?)
Yes yes, I love Wu Tang too . But really, just what everyone else said, go for it. The guy seems nice and you seem really nice too, the only things you regret in life are the things you never did. Yep, we're all nice here
I do agree with you though that in general it must be harder to bring home a guy that is black AND thuggy to parents, let alone just an ordinary old black dude. If my mom was normal I know it would make a difference his level of education, etc., even if I'm happy and I don't care. Its such a drag though. "Ghetto" black guys get such a bum wrap. I've made so many friends of this nature in my neighborhood who are just good, good people. Just b/c a dude cocks his hat sideways and wears some bling earrings doesn't mean his a violent, mysoginistic meat head. I think most aware people realize its a style thing more than a personality type. But its like someone sees sagged pants and their like, "WHOA! Lock the doors!"
Thanks! You're a gem! All of you, gems! Can I stereotype and say people who date interracially are way nicer than people who don't? I'm prejudice towards us! Ha!
:smt028I recommend you holla at dude. You should keep in mind that cats like myself oftentimes prefer the "whitebread" white girl. In many cases, opposites do attract. For me, it provides a little balance in my world and helps me think outside the box. Sometimes those little differences can actually galvanize your relationship. A cat that's a little 'hood' and a 'hipster/suburban' white chick<- that's a hot combo! Seriously, if you know dude is responsible, respectful, and has some common sense, then you need to go with your heart on this one. Go ahead and get a little thug in your life! We need love too damnit!!!!
Intriguedone Are you still here? I haven't seen you for SOOO long. I've missed you? How are you? What have you been up to? Life just isn't the same when you're not around... :smt089
:smt054...damn, I'll tell you, you KnCA and Bookworm sure know how to make a bruva feel special!! I have definitely missed reading your thoughtful and informative posts. You ladies make a bruva feel wanted!!! I've just been busy finish school and such...life can be rough sometimes. I'm glad to be corresponding with you wonderful ladies again!!!
Oh, you're definitely both special and wanted. And I'm so happy to see you online again I could kiss you. One have to take care of real life once in a while. Hope everything's finished and settled now.
:smt118Now you know I'm gonna soak all of that up!!! I'll be done in the spring, but I missed talking to you guys so I had to check in.
