http://www.thechildfreelife.com/ found this site here. what the consensus on Marrige with Kids here? I guess in our case it would be mixed race kids. but its all the same. Yay or nay? me personally i'm on the fence about it. Leaning more towards the child free side. i see positives and negatives both ways. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlrGhzEG2DI http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgySBcttEfQ&feature=related
child free is a very viable choice, nothing wrong with that at all - in my teens & early twenties I was totally convinced I would never have children, however my perspective changed. I had to do a lot of work to be able to have my 2 wonderful kids, so they are cherished. For men, the ability to father a child can continue well into advanced years - for the ladies, we reach a point where we have to "use it or lose it" so it's typically much more an immediate decision. imo - It's an enormously personal & individual decision that everyone has to make on their own & if someone is certain that they don't want children they should absolutely not have them. :smt005 :smt005
Forgive me if I'm curious what that "work" was. Apparently these days a lot of women forget that men have a say in said "decision", as it takes two...
I don't want to be graphic or medically technical, but the "work" for me involved lab tests & surgery to diagnose & fix fertility issues. How right you are to remind us that it takes two (in the traditional fashion).
Kudo's to these people. As much as I love my son's I would not do it over again. Actually I feel quite selfish having kids knowing I could of adopted a child out of dire circumstances. If the cash flow is right, perhaps I may adopt in 10 years.
I could never imagine myself going through life without kids, thats just me though. I have always had that maternal desire. I know some people dont have that though and that is everyones own choice to make.
I don't have any children and have had a helluva great time thus far. Now though, I am in a position where I would like to have a little munchkin around the house.
Lately ive been feeling what I guess is an instinctual need to reproduce. Or perhaps some other need associated with giving my life a purpose.
In Africa,a man without a child is not respected no matter is wealth and a woman without a child is even worse so a decision to be child free is not in my vocabulary. My 4 kids are my pride and joy and i hope to have 4 more.
That is interesting. So if you met a woman with no children, who'd spent her adult life getting heaps of education, traveling and being what north Americans would call very successful - she would get no respect simply because she hadn't reproduced?
I want kids and I don't want kids. LOL Some days I'm desperate to be a mother and other days I'm very glad I'm not. I've never had that maternal instinct and, until I met my husband, had never wanted kids, not for a second. But I know I'll have kids with my man and that doesn't make me unhappy at all. In fact, I smile when I think about it and have names picked out. See? I'm of two minds about it even as I type this. :smt102 I have no clue. Hahahaha! Having kids, I'm guessing, is great. But not having kids is great too. Honestly, I think I'd be happy just with a houseful of pets. But having a few kidlets would be nice too. Confused? :smt110
I never wanted kids until I hit my late 20s, then things started to shift. I would never not want my daughter, and I wish I could have at least one more, but on the flipside, kids are very expensive and I don't have the money to go on vacations, etc. But I wouldn't give up my daughter for the chance to go on vacations, ever. She's truly the best thing that has ever happened to me. And I cherish every moment that I have with her and miss her when I'm not with her.
in all honesty for me its an issue. i know for every person its always gonna have diff reactions/opinions back in 2003 i discovered reruns of all the old family shows like the waltons, little house, and bonanza. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RUG4iNCWG8U http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=maMZfMx4xWo&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLi0K2nm6WI&feature=related even though they are just tv shows and shows are sometimes fiction that don't always reflect reality - I began to see what was wrong with my life, so the idea of what a family can potentially be does inspire me alittle. Seeing Little House was the first time in my life that i had ever seen women and young girls portrayed in a positive light. And it opened my eyes a great deal. i began to see that little intimate moments can be very special between parents and children as well. and the child free man or woman MUST do something to fill in the gap of not having kids. My idea of filling in the gap is charity work. this book here highlights the positives and gives examples of couple who don't have kids. But for me personally, my family is very dysfunctional and I as a man have issues myself. I also didn't really enjoy my childhood at all. And having kids is a big expense too. I would like to do things for myself for a change. Coming up, my divorced parents would say things like "you brats are so very wasteful. If you brats weren't around i could've bouoght a new car, a new house" Now that i'm older i can understand the money side of things. But i feel like this. If they didn't want kids then they shouldn't have decided to be mommies and daddies. and my attitude now is i think i might go that route. one of my main reasons ( i have quite a few) for not wanting to have children is that i want to have space from my family - Parents-Siblings. Somethings have happened in the recent months that have made this an almost final decision. I could possibly change my mind later. But its very unlikely. I can see myself possibly getting married but no grandchildren for mom and dad. they just don't deserve it from me, they've all gone too far and too many bad things. Too many emotional scars. Too much stupidness. And i cannot award them for this behavior. Infact i feel like having kids and living close to my parents would intensify the drama. I believe that relationships-marriage & kids is mainly about sharing yourself with other people. Sharing a wife and a child with my parents is something that would be obligatory, If i end up doing that, which is unlikely now. take a look at bill cosby's words. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tt33zqib2qk Recently I was talking to a friend and he basically said that in his opinion "the way to get out of the baby trap with women is to aim for dating the older women (35 & Up) as opposed to the younger women (22-30)." is he correct. Is it a fertility thing? Is it cultural - peer pressure? Does a woman feel less emotional / social pressure to have babies as she ages. i'm now trying to be more practical and realistic about to achieving the goal and resolving issues a may have with a woman. i do understand that most young women LOOK forward to the goal of having babies. take for example this book i would hate to REJECT a woman because she wants to be a mother, but i am now adamant about not wanting kids. i hope to find a situation like this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EgySBcttEfQ&feature=related
Being a Nigerian, I am not sure it is about self respect in my end of the world, but rather the need to secure the future. The social system in our part of the world is not developed along the line of formal social institutions in the developed world where you have cash and carry services and formalized risk management approach to life (welfare insurance et al.). I use the word developed in its common usage even though it is not a concept I agree with. Yet, it is safe to assume that developed world has integrated abstract concepts into human family life in a way that financially people can get by even when there productive years are spent and aging sets in. In financial planning, it is assumed that as you approach maturity in your life cycle, you have more money and utility equates to happiness many assume. On the other hand, in Nigeria, security comes in many ways. The older you get, the more status you have in the community. That is one sense of being secure in your community. Your kids look out for you where there is no formal welfare system that caters for the old. Having many kids is an informal way of lowering your risk of the uncertainty of the future. I suspect this line of thinking might sound ridiculous to a westerner, yet for many Nigerian having kids is not inconvenience and a source of joy and accomplishment on earth. Whether that line of thinking makes sense is another thing in a world that talks so much about population explosion and sustainability.
No, your line of reasoning is reflective of general anthropological truths with the primary reason why fertility rates are lower in the west being due to our relative wealth and social entitlements protecting us in old age. Well stated.
Excellent post, Naija. There's nothing ridiculous in this line of thinking; it makes perfect sense. Family is of utmost importance, & IMO, family is supposed to take care of family. The way I believe it should work is the parents do their part by taking care of their children when they are young & the children should do the same for their parents when they are old. It's not the job of the government to take care of someone's family...it didn't start out that way & it never should have deviated from families taking care of their own.
His statements hold water to small to middle size town in midwest America too. You meet lots of career women having kids and grand kids, it will be kinda of cultural shock if you spent most of your time in Major city. If you you're not married and have no kids by your mid 20s they will look at you weird. They are very family oriented. You see lots of 22 yo college graduates, married for 3 years and have a kid or two, it would be an educational eye opener for big city folks.
