Hello!~Looking for Mr. GOODANDSEXY!!!!

meldoraley said:
Hi, my names Melissa and Im new to all this. Im a single women and have dated interacially all my life. I am currently looking to get to know a good guy! My experience with men has not been that great and I keep wondering why I am still attracted to black men when all they seem to do is hurt me. So maybe its the quality of men that I have met. I have been in a relationship with my son's father for 6 years and it has run its course mostly because i am no longer the person that I was when I met him. He however has changed slightly, but not enough for me to continue to invest time in someone who does not want better for themselves. You see I am currently in recovery and he is not. We no longer live together and I am trying to end the emotional connection that we have to eachother. He seems to not want things to end even though we are both living seperate lives. Yes its crazy, he still concideres me hes BM/girlfriend. I want so much more for my life and it seems that Im stuck in this disfuctional relationship. So my thoughts are to meet some higher quality men to see if it still love I feel or just comfortable. I am scared to get involed again with another man. Im not looking forward to investing myself and being disappointed AGAIN!!!!! Ive never been married and have 3 different fathers for my kids. Im not lose I was in commited relationships with all of my kids fathers. No doubts about whos my baby daddy, however they are all bumbs!!! I wonder if its me or has it just been that I pick all of these men to have relationship with in my acctive addiction. So now that I know what I need persay and not what I want can I find a good guy that I am attracted to and not settle for someone who is just good for me. I want someone good and sexy all at the same time. So if your reading this HELLO and think that you may like to get to know me better, please do so!!!!!
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As others have said you have made some poor choices in the men you dealt with, irrespective of race.

You say they are all bums. Did you not realize this at the time you were with them, surely you must have recognized that.

YMRA stated it best, you need to focus on yourself and your kids. The last thing you need to worry about is finding a man, it is that mindset that probably placed you in relationships with these kind of men in the first place.

With this mindset and attitude you open up yourself to allowing more poor choices into your life. Focus on bettering yourself in totality, no man can do that for you. You need to learn from your prior experiences instead about making quality choices.
 
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SmoothDaddy101 said:
Some of these white chicks are acting worse than hoodrats.
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Fixed

Been there done that with the black white chic...The thinking is that you're upgrading with a white girl, a ghetto white chic defeats the whole purpose.

And don't start the PC crying about "what is black," "what is ghetto," bla bla bla, thanks in advance
 
karmacoma. said:
Fixed

Been there done that with the black white chic...The thinking is that you're upgrading with a white girl, a ghetto white chic defeats the whole purpose.

And don't start the PC crying about "what is black," "what is ghetto," bla bla bla, thanks in advance
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The pretty white girls (who aren't influenced by their hoodrat counterparts) want Spencer Pratts and Brody Jenners.
 
karmacoma. said:
Not all of them. Most pretty white girls (and women) want whoever treats them best.
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I admit, I watch too much tv and read too many tabloid magazines. I know they don't have the sistagal mentality. I just have to step out and find them...once I get a few things taken care of.
 
TastyAcidMilk said:
it nothing to do with "black men" its the type of black men you go for
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I believe she self-noted that with the line right after...

"I keep wondering why I am still attracted to black men when all they seem to do is hurt me. So maybe its the quality of men that I have met"
 
karmacoma. said:
Not all of them. Most pretty white girls (and women) want whoever treats them best.
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True... but treating you right isn't enough either. I don't think I could make a list of what I'm looking for in a partner... it's just that elusive X factor. We're complicated creatures :rolleyes:
 
SmoothDaddy101 said:
I read you wrong. I mistook that for conditions (something hoodrats are raises to have). Carry on.
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It's just about spark and chemistry and connection, and you could find that with a whole variety of people...

If a dude treats you amazingly but there's no spark, well... :smt073
 
SmoothDaddy101 said:
That's hard to find.
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I agree. It's hard for the ladies that feel that way to find what they're looking for, too. Too many men & women are focused on superficial shit that doesn't matter. People are selfish, and they don't appreciate someone who's good to them. The sad thing is most of them are too clueless to know they're cheating themselves, & they can't figure out why they aren't satisfied or happy in their relationships. It's sad.

whikle said:
True... but treating you right isn't enough either. I don't think I could make a list of what I'm looking for in a partner... it's just that elusive X factor. We're complicated creatures :rolleyes:
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SmoothDaddy101 said:
Thats what discourages us. :smt101
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whikle said:
It shouldn't be discouraging, a rigid list of "must-haves" would be more intimidating, I would think...
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whikle said:
It's just about spark and chemistry and connection, and you could find that with a whole variety of people...

If a dude treats you amazingly but there's no spark, well... :smt073
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SmoothDaddy101 said:
I know about the spark, or shall I say lack of it too well.
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It's definitely about how all the parts come together & the type of connection they form. It takes the right combination to produce that spark. Finding someone you have chemistry with & who treats you well is hard to find sometimes. A lot of the time you only find one or the other, and that is discouraging because it doesn't work. Finding someone we're compatable with can be a frustrating process as it is, & those rigid check-lists only make it tougher. People need to quit looking for perfection & look for what's real instead.
 
whikle said:
It's just about spark and chemistry and connection, and you could find that with a whole variety of people...

If a dude treats you amazingly but there's no spark, well... :smt073
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True that, you want that person that you can embrace, feel protected and comforted with, go to a nice little lounge or cafe and chill with and talk to each other, exchange kisses, take in a movie, then go home and have passionate sex deep into the night.

That person that makes you miss them when they are gone and light up when you see them once again. You enjoy their scent and the sound of their voice. :)

Yeah I'm a romantic brotha. :smt102
 
Now I stand to be corrected by so many of you wiser forum friends .........But it seems you guys are unduly hard on this woman.......You guys know damn well they are alot of opportunistic thugs out there that will take advantage of a struggling, single mother. Whether she has a job or is getting government assistance, they will freeload their ass in her place and eat her food.......they will bust their nut with-out asking if she is protected.......they will drive her car and use up her damn resources.......they will come and go as they please doing other shit on the side without trying to mentor or help her cultivate her kids....they will even run from the responsibility of fathering their own un-planned child with a woman......so it can't all be on the woman.......the truth of the matter is that women take chances with men.....every get-together is a chance.......and no one knows the exact percentages of success.....this woman took three chances to rebuild her live with men and got three bad breaks.....
 
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