I come from a traditional family, so of course - marriage is something that is revered and a must. Single parenthood is not supposed to be an option unless you get a divorce. I think marriage is important for society and building a foundation, but like others have stated, marriage isn't for everyone. I personally think that people don't take marriage as seriously as people of the past. I think people look at their mates as being easily replaceable. The idea that, "What you can't do for me, someone else will" is very prevalent in todays society. I think a lot of people are selfish and have an instant gratification mindset. I also think that the Feminist Movement ruined the family structure. I think what was intended initially, was taken too far from it's roots. I can understand mens feelings and fears of marriage, because the court system isn't fair to men. I think a lot of the laws need to be updated. What was once meant for women who didn't work, they needed that missing income cause the sole provider was out of the picture, but with women working, men are still given the short end of the stick. I would love to get married, but these days, things look dim in that area. I still want kids even if I don't get married. Not something I'd be proud of, but I want children and sometimes biology doesn't work on the same time-line and ones love-life. I'm still slightly hopeful. Which isn't saying much.
Rep added. 100% with everything. These days it's very easy to get divorced and so marriage isn't taken as seriously as it once was because people are a lot more replaceable now. Living our lives online, it's easy to find a replacement now. It's right at our fingertips. Anyway, yes, marriage is definitely not for everyone, but I think it plays an important role in society.
I disagree. I think marriage was almost mandatory in a sense. If that was the case, there would be less divorces.
I don't want to put words in her mouth but I think that she's speaking more about the commitment that seems to be lost, in general, with partners in relationships. People seem more consumed with having their own needs met as apposed to balancing their needs versus the desire to have a successful relationship.
Well that, but also that the institution as a whole isn't taken seriously anymore. Look how many people these days say, "I don't want to get married or I don't need to get married" etc. They don't see anything beneficial about it.
I hear you IB. For me, even these kinds of sentiments suggest selfishness, that the individual is more important, incapable of sharing or compromise. I think that it's unfortunate but it seems to be a societal message, have it all or have nothing, expect the best or look for something better.
I'm in two minds about marriage. I wouldnt rule it out but I'm not one of those chicks that goes crazy for a wedding. If it happens it happens. If it doesn't, i am quite sure i will live.
marriage back in my grandmother's day was something a woman strove for because that was all that was believed she was worth...look at the term 'spinster' and the negativity that surrounds it. i will admit that when i decided to leave my husband it was a selfish move on my behalf. he was perfectly happy where he was, but i was miserable. i certainly didn't go into my marriage thinking that i had a way out if i didn't want to be in it any more, but i'm certainly glad that i had one...my great aunt who was married to an abusive alcoholic didn't feel like she had one and wasted her youth married to a man who'd knock her about because of it. i certainly wouldn't want to go back to those days where i felt i was trapped.
I absolutely agree with you. No one should be forced to endure an abusive relationship. IMO, most marriages don't fail because of abuse, they fail because people aren't willing to acknowledge how their own issues can negatively impact the relationship. More important, the partners aren't willing to work together to overcome those issues because it means that they will have to work hard. Pride has no place when you are trying to "fix" things gone wrong but rather it becomes a blame game, people become polarized, drift apart, and the inevitable happens.
I know what spinster means. I'd be considered one...lol Well, I think with some women, yes, they had low self worth, but also, marriage was what you did in those days. It was a part of society. My fathers mother married my grandfather to escape her household and my grandfather treated her badly, so I understand what you're saying and yes women didn't have a say like we do now. There are many marriages that haven't worked out and were doomed from the beginning or over time. People grow apart. It happens, but my whole post isn't about the people where it didn't work out or fucked up situations, I was stating my stance of marriage as a whole and how I personally think it's very beneficial.
Tarshi tried to make her marriage work and she had to do what she had to do, understandably. I agree with you on this too. Some people go into marriage with fairytale dreams (that everything is going to stay in the honeymoon phase) and are completely disappointed when the real issues arise.
Partnership can be absolutely amazing probably the second best experience in life next to being a parent but only if the other person is on board
I can't speak for anyone else, but I know that when I said I think marriage is something society needs, I'm most definitely NOT thinking these things: a. women need to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen and can't be independent in any way. b. that people (not just women) are stuck forever in horrible marriages. But I do think that some people leave marriages without really giving it a try. I know my first marriage, I likely ended it too soon. I'm not sure we still wouldn't have gotten divorced, but I know that I didn't try everything to make it work (neither did he). I also know that if divorce wasn't okay, I could very well be 6 feet under thanks to marriage #2. I am still pro-marriage (for most people) but I do think that society has made it too easy to get divorced (in some cases). Very much agree!!
People will wake up and go to a job EVERYDAY OF THEIR LIVES, a job they hate, a job that can't stand, but they will wake up and go to work. And if you tried to take they job away from them they would fight you tooth and nail. They will do this for YEARS.... ...but they wont' do it for their marriage. Sometimes you fight and you fight, and you find out its really over, but most people throw in the towel very quickly. Its to easy, far too easy. ...and GOD KNOWS I ain't no saint at all.....having been married once before and seeing the light dim on my current marriage. But it does not change what I believe. And when you have children, in the end they are the ones that pay for out inability to hold tight our union.
