Which is why I go by the philosophy of: I only have one life, I'm not living it miserable. I will not stay in a relationship or marriage where I am unhappy most of the time. I will do what I can to try to fix the issues (he also has to be willing to work with me on that) and if it still doesn't work out, then so long I met ya. I will also never stay married "for the kids". Because I view it this way: you're teaching your children that it's okay to be unhappy with another person. If I only teach my daughter one thing, it's this: she is NEVER stuck in a relationship or marriage that makes her unhappy. She needs to know that she has an "out" if she needs/wants one. Why spend your life miserable? It's not worth it. I don't want to be on my deathbed looking back on my life and wondering why I stayed in an unhappy relationship instead of seeking out happiness for myself. Plus, if you're happy, then that extends to any children you have as well. They KNOW if you're staying together just for them. That puts undue stress on them, as well. Why would you put your children through that at such a young age? Again, just my opinion.
I think a great many people use their children to support their own reasons on leaving. "Happy" is relative really. The message could end up being "Hey make a promise to stay with your mate, but if you decide you don't want it anymore...go ahead and break the promise so you can be happy"
As a person going through a divorce, I'm pretty sour on marriage right now. However, I have NOT soured on relationships, especially long-term ones. I just fear that the act of marriage does something intangible that is ultimately detrimental to the relationship itself. I could very well be wrong, though. It's just where I am at the moment.
Now you're talking nonsense. That's NOT what I said. If she's in a bad relationship (her needs aren't being met, she's being emotionally/physically/sexually abused) why would I want her to stay? I didn't stay when I experienced some of those things. When you're unhappy in a relationship, it affects everyone around you (including the kids, whether they're consciously aware of it or not). If she does all that she can to try to save the relationship and it still doesn't work, then her best option is to get out of it. Nothing good comes out of staying in an unhappy union. It can cause health problems, it causes one to emotionally cheat even physically cheat, etc. It's a lose-lose situation. You got me. I was thinking along the terms of a normal person's salary. LOL. Over a certain income, there should definitely be a cap on child support. There is absolutely NO REASON for someone to be receiving $20,000+ a month to support a child/children. That's INSANITY. It's not the same topic from a year ago. You were spouting off all kinds of things about how women shouldn't get child support, yada, yada, yada.
The vast majority of marriage don't end because of emotional/physically/or sexual abuse. These are extremes. most marriage end because people aren't "Happy"...that's it no cheating, (though cheating get the most news) not beatings no coming home to "Hey you are an idiot" Most marriage end simply because one person isn't happy. And there is always an "OUT"....and its an easy "OUT"
You can't possibly know that. Unless you've been in other peoples' relationships, you can't know the exact reason why they fail. And if you harken back to what I said earlier in the thread: you will see that I agree with you. I don't think one should so easily give up. I have ALWAYS advocated that both people need to try to make it work before they end things. You should always try (unless it's a case of physical/sexual abuse, then get out as safely as you can) to fix things before ending it. Co-fucking-sign. Divorce is NOT an easy out.
For a change I will simply answer the question: It would be silly for me to deny my own background. My parents will be celebrating their 40th anniversary next May. Grand old party being planned for it. That in itself kind of bothers me. What? Is that really such an amazing accomplishment these days? Well how would I really know. I haven't taken that step up the social structure yet. I guess my problem is that in all reality, I'm just a free spirited hippy who will always defend an individual's right to choose and do as they see fit. Fuck the rules. The revolution will NOT be televised. It will happen well past all of our times, when people finally realize that this whole great modern society we have built (this refers mostly to my own western society), is even more horribly flawed than we ever really realized. I have no problem with the principles of marriage. It's a BEAUTIFUL CONCEPT, but centuries upon centuries old. Does it bother anyone else that we are holding ourselves to principles that we created a few millennia ago? Look at how far the human race has advanced in the last 100 years, let alone the last 1000 or 2000 years. Romance, yeah there is nothing wrong with that. Women (and men to an extent) love a great love story. People overcoming obstacle after obstacle to simple get to be together, forever, for eternity, whatever that may be. I also don't have a problem with the idea of finding that one person, that you can say, or maybe claim is a better word, is yours truly. Though this is where you start to run into problems. Where the human condition, flawed as it may be, come into play. The social mandate of attaining wealth for the purpose of status. Marriage and a lifelong mate are items of this so called wealth. YMRA speaks of the importance of family, particularly for the sake of raising the youth of the world. Mikey also, though I wish he would elaborate more on his earliest post in this thread, speaks of how he feels the family structure, at least in modern American society, is important in raising children. YMRA also speaks of how important it is to have a name, and carry on the traditions and memory of said name. Spoken like a true soldier, or politician if you will. Y, did you ever read or see Romeo and Juliet? The classic line, " What is in a Name?", is a key point of that entire play. I'd like to point out how in American politics, particularly in Kennedy country where I am from, people run for office simply based on their name, regardless of their qualifications. Does that make an alcoholic and drug addict like Patrick Kennedy more fit for office, simply because he carries the Kennedy Name??? No need to answer that one. So do children get raised better with two parents? Probably. No need to point out that Tupac and Biggie came from single parent households and ended up dead, violently actually. Did that make them any less intelligent? No. They were great people, but like anyone, including anyone reading (or writing) this right now, they were flawed. Back to my own family upbringing. I come from what is considered in society a stable family structure. Yet, my father is an asshole that I would never consider becoming a mirror of, and my mother is well, in my opinion, not completely mentally sound. However, I am who I am, and I feel I turned out ok. Two working parents, middle class family, growing up in a decent home in a suburb. The American dream right? Wrong. The American dream is whatever you make it to be. If a marriage with 2.5 children and home and summer cottage with a dog is your dream, so be it. Or, maybe it's more like mine: Having a job, regardless whether I'm President or a roadkill scraper, that allows me to do what I enjoy most: Riding a lift on a favorite, or completely unexplored mountain, to the uppermost peak, on a bluebird day after a minimum 12 inch snowfall the night before. Striking up a conversation with a stranger along the way, maybe a local, that knows a nice secret stash or two and is willing to share. Getting off said lift and proceeding to a nice spot that is decided upon as a perfect drop zone. Sometimes alone preferably, but riding with a lady or friends is cool as long as they understand where my focus lies. My focus you ask? Is on the perfect line, and then succeeding that, the next one. A home of my own, cool. A car, a necessity. A companion to share this with? If it happens, cool. If not, that's just fine too. Would I like a child at some point? Your reading a post from a person that doesn't see that as a defining moment in my life or a major priority at this point, but hey, who knows what the future may bring. :smt023
Maybe there is more taking for granted in a marriage? Maybe one partner has less confidence when not married and doesn't speak their mind so there is less conflict? Or is it that once married more responsibilities are entered into- houses,kids,etc which leads to less time together? Or does the very fact of being married lead to different expectations of the partner than before they were married and the two don't always mesh? Yes I too worry that it may be something about marriage itself that leads to its demise.However statistically, many more long term realationships end than marriages.Is that maybe because they are easier to get out of than that they are better? Or are many of them simply trial marriages and end when the trial doesn't work out?
