Post Of The Day

I'm starting this thread to give attention to posts that would probably go unnoticed otherwise and need to be praised:

Today from new member ModestMike

In my honest opinion, this is not the 1960's...."catering to your man" sounds like such a gender role specific duty and considering I believe societies idea of the gender role to be quite archaic, I'd be hard press to find a female attractive that strictly wants to wait at my every beckon. I dont want a slave and I have no desire to own my wife (women are not cattle), neither do I feel as if I need to be a father figure and "take care" of her in that sense. If a woman is self-sustainable with out a man in her life, thats the woman I want. God forbid something happens to me but she needs to be able to maintain sans my presence. Having to "take care" of someone is not my idea of a relationship. A relationship is not about forming dependencies on one another and this is what 90% of people fail to realize.

Men whom have been married for long stretches tend to complain that their woman is lazy and needy.....well fella you made her that way. Wanting to do EVERYTHING for her, wait on her hand and foot and put her on a pedestal. The end results is someone who has been stripped of any remaining strands of independence that may have been left.

Women whom have been married for extended lengths tend to complain that their spouse has changed, become distant an/or never spend any time together. Well ma'am, he has grown tired of your neediness. Its sweet in the beginning, but that shit gets old VERY quick. The pointing, getting pampered and spoiled, calling him EVERY time you get lost and need directions......its in no way sustainable.

That being said, women who need to carter to their man to feel like a woman (IMO) are as unattractive as those that need a man to take care of them. Just be yourself and be able to sustain yourself, whether in a relationship or not (male or female). Gender roles are so played out its ridiculous

 

What thread was this in?

I'd like to add that a man who wants to be waited on hand and foot by a woman is not attractive either. :smt023

 

I don't see this as post of the day because of the above he stated. A man that leads his woman is not about creating dependencies for her, nor is necessarily about controlling her...it's about trust, honesty and loyalty. A man that is able, willing, and does lead his woman, has her trust, she trusts him and he trusts her to trust him. As long as they are loyal to that trust, he can lead her to a wonderful ending. In order to completely trust, you have to be honest on a level that a lot of people aren't. Not only do you need to be loyal to the trust, but generally loyal....

 

The Who Adores Their Men Thread.

He already said that in the post.

 

I disagree Fresh. Creating dependency isn't love in my opinion and that's what leading someone does. Helping someone to be their best them is far better in my opinion. I'd prefer to be with a woman who chooses to be with me everyday not someone who needs me. That's not the kind of love I'd like to be involved in. Its suffocating and makes one feel trapped.

 

what a great idea for a thread...you're welcome

 

You are right on point.

Leading someone is not creating a dependant when your dealing with someone grown.

Is not to lead them to help them, as long as you have their best interest at heart.

Why can't she need you while she has you, this not say that she can't function without you.

You feel suffocated when love is to much? Do you have a limitation? You have been loved to much? Wha t is to much much love? Cause I express it in everything that I do and am?...

 

I feel suffocated at the idea that a person NEEDS me. Wanting me is totally different. Children need us, the elderly need us but a capable adult needing me freaks me out a little. I guess I've been through so much drama in my 20s that I'm just done. No more middle of the night cry fests, no more stories of how someone almost killed themselves because I didn't want to be with them or vice versa, I just want simple and easy. Love shouldn't have to be hard.

 

First off Mr.Fantastic, MUCH REPSECT!! And I feel honored to have a thread on my behalf. Again, respect and thanks to you.

This post is spot on, I do not want a woman to NEED me more so than she wants me. Needs are formed from dependencies, plain and simple. Fresh may not see it this way (which is fine, perspectives alter by each individual) but you and I seem to be on the same page.


FRESH:

You NEED to eat because your body depends on it.
You NEED to work, your family and your lifestyle depends on it.
You NEED to sleep, your body depends on it.
Cops are NEEDED, society depends on them to maintain order.

Now, I WANT a 2011 BMW M3. I mean, I could easily buy a Ford Focus or I could buy a Porsche GT3 but I WANT and M3 because of certain characteristics I find desirable. Speed, luxury, and design all appeal to what I WANT.

See the difference? Now I'm not here to convert anyone so I most certainly respects Fresh's opinion.....BUT I do not feel like guiding/leading your spouse is adequate for an opposite sex, adult to adult relationship. My parents led me throughout my youth, not my girlfriends.

 

My idea of 'need' is, perfection. In a 'perfect' world, you transcended 'want' and morphed to 'need'...your relationship is so solid that you don't just merely 'want' but 'need.' I think a lot of people have become disillusioned about relationships because of their past--which they take as tumultuous, rather than a learning experience in what you don't want and what you really need (Hence drama). We are not afraid to profess our need for such trivial things and trivial so called "love"/love ones, but unwilling to fall captive to our true love and the need for it and them...

 

Its my opinion that we are exceeding the realms of logic when we start using words such as "perfection" upon describing needs in a relationship. Humans are inherently fallible. When one states that he/she "needs" someone else, I stop and ask....."Is this person crucial to the survival of the one in need?" and the answer is no. My apologies for simplifying and dumbing down such a complicated topic but (IMO) in order to really access whats needed vs whats wanted relationship wise, we must evaluate this at the most elemental level.

While I hope and aspire to find true love, because I now know what I WANT in a relationship, I will never submit to needing someone so much to the point of compromising my own sanity, well being and moral compass. And I would not expect her to do the same.

Being tasked with creating happiness for others is impossible unless you, yourself have reached a satisfactory level of happiness. Catering to someone else's "NEEDS" at the expense of your happiness, regardless of how overwhelming; is unadulterated insanity.

 

I too am not trying to convert you, just sharing my view point as well...much repect for a good dialouge.

You are willing to NEED family; frineds, clergymen, service people, administators, politicians, etc...but unwilling to NEED someone--a person you put above the rest, that you love, that you may have taken vows with/for. Reading what I wrote, I definitely wouldn't NEEd any ole person though, this would have to be a person I deem close to marriage material, if not all ready married to.

 

A long they way, 'we' have come up with all these cliche sayings: "Love knows no boundaries," "I would do anything for you," "love is limitless," "Love is Insanity," but yet love does have boundaries and limitations. We wouldn't do anything because we have our personal moral compass to worry about, our own sanity and so forth...

Should it not make you happy to make your mate happy and vise versa?

It sounds like NEED/love is undefinable in it's most elemental state because we all precieve it differently...therefore we draw the lines at different places (how much of myself I'm actually going to give, and what I'll take from another). It sounds corny, but I've never heard a more true line, from the movie Wedding Crashers, "True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another," Meaning we define our love, need , etc, etc, and look for it in another...to make a long philsophical point short lol

 

I think I'm understanding where you're coming from more Fresh. I love my family and friends and need them in my life because that's what I personally define as what makes my life worth living but at the end of the day its truly based on my perception not what actually is.
My grandmother was one the most important people in my life for the first 22 years of life. When she passed the pain was unimaginable, to this day I am still surprised that a person is capable of crying as I did for as long as I did. 8 years later I still cry when I think about how much I miss. Outside of my mother I have never felt as loved and as nurtured by another human being and feel so incredibly blessed that I got to experience that. Now with that said she passed away and I'm still here. At 21 I would have said I needed her but no I understand capacity helps define context or vice versa in a situation like this. Truthfully to function as people we only need food water air and rest but to truly live we need each other, we need to form bonds and share experiences. I think what Mike is pointing out is that when someone is dependent on you it doesn't always feel like love. I always felt like love should be expressed like a best friendship. I don't have to be around you but I choose to be and I reaffirm that everytime I am with you and leave and come back again. Those kind of relationships always make me feel relaxed and comfortable and that's all I ever want for someone I truly love.

 

There tends to be a lot of negativity on this site from time to time and I thought celebrating posts that we like would be a good way to stay on a postive track from time to time. Public appreciation is always a good thing.

 

I can definitely relate, I won't get into because I'll cry with you, but I definitely understand.

Very well said, truth.

I respect your point(s) of view and see where you're coming from.

 

and who knew fanny would be around to spread the positivity fairy dust...!!!

great posts & viewpoints from our fanny, freshness & mike...any girl would be lucky to get men with such open hearts, minds & a grasp of what it is they want and what relationships are about

 

Indeed, my central point can be quantified in this one post. Its that feel of obligation, necessity to consistently have someone depend on you for their own happiness/love. Burdensome comes to mind.

 

:smt058

 

Trashi you are one hell of a woman my friend.