Then I would:

1. turn it to YOU and say please tell me about your family, and what is it like growing up in the Boston area as I am not from here,

2. That didn't doesn't work, I will tell you more in on our second date

NOTE----I did break that RULE once because the man in question(who is the love of my life), told me all his shit at once as he wanted me to decide if I wanted to be with him. His honesty was refreshing and we spent 2 mostly wonderful years together. However, I doubt that I will do that again.

 

Come on, sports are a GREAT TOPIC and fun to get into.

 

Thanks stiletoes, I sware its ridiculous for this to be so hard considering my profession I listen to men discuss all kinds of things but it is different in this getting to know you stuff. I keep telling myself that the more I make myself do this the easier and more natural it will become. I asked some friends to set me up with some of their bm friends and at least I am getting to know some cool men.

 

Or white black and gold OR black and Purple

 

great strategy letting people you trust KNOW you are ready to date:smt038

 

As it turns out I was babysitting Ty so often people thought I was dating his dad. Even Ty's mom thought I was dating him, now that that is over, everybody has that "friend"

 

Good

 

THanks ST I appreciate you walking me through this.

 

Hey ST?

Do you have a min I have a ? can you chat for a minute?

 

Not if you have never cared - you have to have a mind for it. I don't. Give me ANY other topic.

 

NOT!!!Lol

 

You would ask me those question and still end up talking. Lol. Holding a convo comes too easy. Sorry about the Mark dude. Bummer.

 

Its better each day...at first I thought ...well there goes 2 years of my life down the drain, but now I know we had a ton of great times...i think its harder on him as his family wants us back together. Now I need time and space and to NOT be in a relationship til I heal as that is NOT fair to a new person

 

Sorry for the shit that you're going through...I understand the healing part...after divorce, I realize I need time to heal myself, instead of the impulsive stuff that has been my pattern in the past. Hope it works out for you. Cheers!

 

thank youartyman:appropriate Icon for you . really doing fine most days, miss him, but will not respond to contact. keeping busy like crazy and my friends are awesome. implusive stuff has been my pattern and I must say this time, with lots of work, I have for the most part broken it.

 

enough derail..back on topic...go somewhere fun and active,,,not the movies.. and remember there are going to be bad dates that will make you laugh...i smelled a set up when my freind todl me her BF was bringing along a friend to pool Friday and sure nuff' he looked like this


No attraction obvi, but it was fun and we decided her BF definitely needs to visit an eye doctor sooner rather than later

 

Lord I hate it when "people" find out you like BM and then they try to fix you up with their only black friend, as if just anyone will do - and he winds up looking like that. As if you don't have any preferences outside of the color of his skin. :smt068:smt068:smt068

 

I haven't read all the replies, so please forgive me if I'm repeating something, but I sometimes feel the same way. I'd try to talk about the positives of your experiences, that way you don't come off as a Debbie Downer. Always show that you're a work in progress and be confident about it. Men want something to come back to, so if you catch yourself saying something depressing, flip it and make it sound positive. For example, if the guy asks about your last relationship and it was an awful experience, just say something to the effect that it didn't work out, but you learned from it and you know there's something better out there. Keep your answers somewhat vague. You can answer their question, but with short and concise answers. That way you keep the details to yourself, cause men don't like details, they want a straight forward answer. They like simplicity.

You will get better the more you date. Each experience will help build your confidence and then you'll find that you'll have a system how it works, even though each man is different, it'll be the way you present yourself (honest, positive and without so many details).

Good luck!

 

Re Run!!

 

I'm a little late jumping into this, and I think much of the advice you have gotten so far, Mel, is pretty good. I just wanted to remind you that the best policy in any situation is to be yourself. I haven't known you very long, but to me, you are a fascinating, intelligent and interesting woman, who has had much more going on in your life than tragedies and bad family stuff. On a first date, I always like to keep it light. IMO, nobody has any business bringing up past relationship stuff on the first date. There is time for that IF we both decide we want to carry this farther. That's my feeling about it.