So, how many of you have been faced with this situation.....You're good friends with someone you find attractive and consider being intimate, but remaining "just friends"? Is it possible? Will sleeping together just ruin the friendship? Should you or shouldn't you?????
It can work if: 1. Both parties understand who they are as individuals (will I or won't I fall in love if the sex is good?) 2. Both parties have zero expectations and will put the friendship first. That means not getting upset because you catch feelings and the other person does not. If both of you can be honest within your respective selves ( don't tell yourself you won't fall in love when you have a history of doing so when the sex is good) then it can be great for both people. However, in my experience, someone almost always catches feelings and gets hurt. And, it's usually the girl. Unless dude's bedroom game is weak. Then it's the guy getting his lil' panties in a bunch. ...lol
Agreed. It can absolutely work, as long as you are 100% honest with yourself about your feelings. If y'all are just friends (just friends, no feelings of wanting to be more than that), then in my experiance, sex doesn't ruin anything. Some people (men and women) can be very emotional when it comes to sex though, so you've got to be crystal clear about your intentions and you've got to be confident in your emotions. IMO, sex is sex...doesn't always need to be all lovey dovey. I think it comes down to whether or not you can separate emotion from action. I think many women consider love and sex to be a package deal. If you're of that mindset, fwb probably isn't for you! I've done the fwb thing though and it worked out just fine
For me, sex is empty and sucks unless I have feelings. I've always looked at sex as a physical demonstration of the love you have for someone. So FWB, while it might be mentally appealing for a minute, isn't for me. I wouldn't recommend it.
Agreed!! I've been in that situation and it worked for us. When it was over (I found a guy I ended up marrying) we parted ways as friends.
It might work for some people, but the FWB stuff is not for me. Of course I don't presume to know the reasons behind why it works for some and doesn't work for others, because everyone is different. I do know that it has nothing to do with confidence or lack thereof, and it has nothing to do with how sexually enlightened a person is. Personally, my definition of friendship doesn't involve fucking, and if I'm just looking to get off when I'm not seeing anyone, I handle it myself. For me FWB is just as unappealing as one night stands; casual sex is not my thing. Even when I encounter a man who gets my juices flowing, I have no interest in hooking up...that is something more suited for fantasy than reality for me. You just need to decide whether or not it's right for you. Either way, that's what it boils down to.
No such thing as friends you have sex with. Someone ALWAYS catches feelings. I also don't think its really possible to be friends with someone you're attracted to.
this along with tamstrong. I'm not spending all my time on someone who wants to be friends when I can a girlfriend that gives me all that a FWB gives and more.
It doesn't have to ruin the friendship. I think the key to making it work is if you aren't great friends with the person. And what I mean by that is: if it's not someone you hang out with on a regular basis. It becomes more of an extended one night stand if you think of it in that terms, but it can work, if the sex isn't frequent and you aren't seeing each other a lot. Just my humble opinion, of course.
Friends with benefits. Where do I begin? Well, from my understanding, for such relationships, the attraction has already been established between friends. As to whose idea it is for such a relationship, will never be known because it is between friends. The act of sex is healthy, physically, mentally and emotionally. The act is about giving in to what turns us on and what pleases us. It is risky. It is secretive(sometimes). It is exciting. I do think about my high school days when you compartmentalize your female friends in the following categories: 1. Those friends whom you wish you were related to. 2. Those friends whom you wish you could date. 3. Those friends whom you wish to marry. 4. Those friends whom you wish to have sex with. The act of sex is confusion because it involves attention to both partners involved. What happens when the FWB relationship comes to an end? I don't think it would be easy to forget those moments. Like every human being, I crave physical intimacy. I want to touch, as well as be touched. I want to give, as well as receive. Could I do this with a friend? I don't know. Would I be attracted to her if she asked me to take part in this? I don't know, it's a little hard to digest. Too many questions arise when an offer like this is presented(if it is presented at all).
Hmmm. Such interesting responses. Guess there's no 100% correct answer. No guarantees. Both parties need to be interested, comfortable and ready to risk possibly ruining a friendship. May be safer to leave things as they are.
I try to play hard like I could be unattached, but I've never been able to have a FWB relationship. I become emotional and it would hurt if he treated me badly; or what would seem so based off of being so emotionally unattached to me. I prefer quality time and building a lasting relationship. I prefer commitment and loyalty.
What happens when the fwb relationship comes to an end? The people move on. You're not invested in the relationship like you would be if it were your bf/gf. You don't put that kind of time/energy into it. It's just sex, with someone you're comfortable with, someone you trust, and someone you enjoy. It's a friendship, and most likely a casual one. Someone mentioned it earlier in this thread and I agree...these relationships usually work best if you're not super close to begin with. In my experience, it's someone who you care about as a person and enjoy spending time with, but for one reason or another you don't crave a long-term, exclusive relationship with them. You see each other a few times a week, enjoy the time spent together, and go about your life until the next week. When one of you find someone that you'd like to pursue a 1:1 relationship with, you stop sleeping together (at least IMO). It's not emotionless sex, but it's a different kind of connection/emotion. It's not a set up made for everyone, but it can definitely work for the right people.
