I would imagine many of you have experienced this. Maybe I'm wrong, though. I have many black friends as well as white. Obviously, my black friends never wonder or question why I have white friends....DUH! However, SOME, certainly not all, of my white friends have commented on the fact that I have many black friends. To me, if they are commenting on it, makes me think they see it as odd. I don't understand the WHY part. I wonder WHY the topic is brought up at all. It's not always a questions posed, but a statement commenting on the fact that I have these friends. Anyway, just wondered if any of you have had this happen. If you're black, and you have white friends, how do your black friends react to this, if at all?
Its happened on this very forum a few times, I recall tdk (black) saying something to cherok33 (mixed) about all her black friends. A lot of people judge you and place you in a box but are surprised when you don't fix that box they placed you in. My only other guess is whites in particular are just being snobbish.
I had been asked that question by family and relatives. "Why do you have more white friends than black friends?" In terms of the girls that I am attracted to both sides ask me, "Why aren't you dating black girls?" Everytime l answered that question, there were more questions as if they weren't satisfied. At school, everybody saw who I hung out with. If that didn't answer any of their questions, they were very blind.
I've faced that situation with friends and family. I hate that I have to deal with it and have finally gotten to the point that I don't even answer anymore. I just give them a look and walk away.
North is correct; TDK did make that observation about me. I did find the question a bit awkward, but was meant more out of curiosity and half hearted/joking manner. I was not offended. I guess I don't really pay attention to the company I keep regarding ethnicity or race, I am drawn to similar interests or personalities. I don't pay attention to others and what they may think outside of my circle, unless they do something or say something to me. I do get a little offended when people refer to me as the white girl. Why can't I just be the girl who wore the red dress, or the girl who talked about her kids when I met her...i don't know. To me, it seems a bit rude to say the white girl. Is it just me?
Nope. If I had 'white friends' that felt the need to coment on that, they would cease to be my friends. For obvious reasons.
Absolutely. They'd find themselves cut out of my life really quickly. While I've never been questioned about the diversity of my circle of friends, I have been asked why I only date outside my race. People always get the same response from me, "it's just how life's worked out. Nothing personal, I don't intentionally seek only those outside my race, but we can't help who we're attracted to". WM never seem to like that explanation lol.
A few older WW have asked my mother where she used to work "How would you feel if your sons brought white girls home?" My mother's response "I'd be shocked if they didn't bring white girls home to be honest" I can't say I have experienced this but the UK is very different that way, however my very good friend who is a British Hindu did get questioned by her cousins in San Francisco as why she had so many friends from different backgrounds.
Honestly, no one has said anything derogatory. It's just that at times, a comment has been made regarding the fact that I have many black (especially Jamaican) friends. I guess it's just not that common. I wish it were. I wish no one would even notice, but I guess that's not being realistic. Just my dream for the future.
I've never had anyone I know question my selection of friends in terms of background, but I have had a white female friend tell me her new bf who is white question her about her friendship to me and another black guy. Soon after he was no longer her bf due to his bigoted ways
Because race relations in America and in other western countries are poor. And also, if you notice, there isn't really an alliance between white men and black men. The same can be said (there's no real alliance/unity) with white women and black women. Switch the genders and race around and there's an alliance/unity with black men and white women. But the perplexing thing about it is that the races themselves don't have unity with each other.
That is so interesting that you say that. I am fortunate to have wonderful black female friends, but there have been times when I was really harrassed by black women when they saw me with a black man who was obviously more than a friend. Not sure what that is all about, but I know it is not my imagination. Even the black men noticed. You know the old saying, "If looks could kill......" Perhaps they feel I was in their territory or something. I really don't know.
You know.... I've realized something, and this guy on CNN wrote an article that helped me out. Daniel Jonah Goldhagen is his name. Here are some excerpts from his post about how the advancement of digital technologies corresponds to an increase of what he defines as anti-semitism. He kind of tries to explain that these divides are a "natural" element of human kind. http://www.cnn.com/2013/10/18/opinion/goldhagen-anti-semitism-internet/index.html?iref=allsearch
Wow. Thank you for sharing this. It's particularly important (and disturbing) to me because I'm Jewish. I was a bit sheltered from antisemitism having grown up in New York City. I think I was fortunate to grow up there because I grew up in a very diverse community where people of all different cultures coexisted. When I first left NY, I was truly shocked by the ignorance I discovered. It saddens me that in this day and age, not only does prejudice shill exists, it thrives
My Mexican American Portuguese wife, whose family comes from Sonora, Mexico, says I am similar to the Carlton character on "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"(confession time: I love Tom Jones!), because I act 'white'. When I lived in the US as a child, I lived in mostly affluent Caucasian neighborhoods. In Puerto Rico, race was not an issue; yet, financial status is important, and I grew up in the lower middle class areas. I have a very diverse group of friends; however, my wife gravitates to the minorities of lower and middle class, because my wife has a similar background. I don't allow myself or people to label and attach me to a particular race or ethnic background, because I asking for self-esteem and self-respect issues. In the past, I did socialize with mostly Hispanic and African-American people. In all honesty, I find a lot of Latin-American and African-American individuals have inferiority and low self-esteem issues, especially the older generation; therefore, I had to limit my interactions with such people. Now, I limit my interactions with any person who has inferiority and low self-esteem. Most people who have issues about race have issues in other areas of their lives. Why socialize with such people?
Most people with low self-esteem and/or inferiority issues suffer with them because they feel unworthy of the respect and attention of other people. Isn't that reason enough to socialize with them? It doesn't mean you have to let them drag you down, but rather you can try to build them up. Help them realize their value and worth.
Chesabaygrl7, Thank you for your comment. You have a valid position. I should have explained myself more clearly. In addition to low self-esteem and low self-respect, many people who have problems with race relations are stubborn and have no desire to change; therefore, I limit my interactions with them. Regardless of the issue, when a person is stubborn, with low self-esteem and low self-respect, I will limit interactions with that person. Once again, thank you for your comment.
I see. I know very little about the Jews/Jewish culture, so I can't say much about why some people think the way they do about them. I think the antisemitism in the United States and the world is what makes me a little hesitant or shy with making friendships with white women/white men. Is it a normal thing for humans to suddenly just start hating someone or something just because of their race or how they appear? Maybe everything isn't fully about race, could just be something mental or psychological. I think the same kind of thing could be mentioned with real-world employment, which I'd be entering into soon. By the logic of this thread, I guess black women would complain if they realize that I'm working in a section of an IT company where there are 25 whites (10 white men, 15 white women) and 5 non-whites. I guess they would rather say that I should look at the racial dynamics of the job I'd apply for rather than to just have a job. Does what I'm saying kind of make sense?
Yes, Mikey, what you say does make sense. Let me say, that NO ONE is born with prejudice. It's learned. When I was 16, I was a counselor in an all black camp. I was THE ONLY white person. I couldn't have cared less. The first half of the summer, I had little girls, 6 years old. They were so sweet. I had long hair down to my butt. This was different for them so they would take turns combing my hair everyday. They were wonderful and I loved being with them. The second half I was with 13 years old. They hated me. I was subjected to racial insults on a daily basis. It made me so sad because I saw how hatred was learned. Hate and prejudice usually comes from one's home and beliefs taught there. I often think that we are all going to die one day. Each and every one of us, no matter what religion or skin color we have. Hatred, murder, and wars continuously exist because of differences between cultures. What a waste of time. I am perfectly happy with who I am and where I come from. Don't need or want to be anything else, but I love learning about other cultures. How boring the world would be if we were all the same. I truly think a lot of hatred is due to fear. I would never let other people's narrow mindness stop me from being an accepting person, but then again, there are several IR couple in my family, so it doesn't seem strange to me. Anyway, just do what is right for you no matter what anyone thinks.
