Going White

Ches said:
It's not even about that. Life sucks for everybody at some point, but you can still put a smile on your face for the benefit of the others around you. Chances are, if you're sour and sullen at work, you're sour and sullen everywhere else, too. Nobody wants to be around that.
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That could be one of the reasons she chose accounting, because she is not much of a people person. To suggest that she is like that among her friends is shortsighted.
 
orejon4 said:
I do. The beauty industry makes millions out of feeding people's insecurities, or even making insecurities where they had none. Plus, cross-cultural fertilization is feeding aspects of minority culture into white culture and vice versa. So while white beauty images are fostered in mainstream media, white women are also getting bombarded with images of tans, round bottoms, full lips, etc. It's been really prominent with the spread of R&B and dance culture into white audiences as well as the 'Latin Boom' of about 10 years ago. Meanwhile women of color are hit with the blonde bombshell archetype at the same time. It's really sad how much damage the media does in order to sell products.
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So very true!
 
orejon4 said:
I do. The beauty industry makes millions out of feeding people's insecurities, or even making insecurities where they had none. Plus, cross-cultural fertilization is feeding aspects of minority culture into white culture and vice versa. So while white beauty images are fostered in mainstream media, white women are also getting bombarded with images of tans, round bottoms, full lips, etc. It's been really prominent with the spread of R&B and dance culture into white audiences as well as the 'Latin Boom' of about 10 years ago. Meanwhile women of color are hit with the blonde bombshell archetype at the same time. It's really sad how much damage the media does in order to sell products.
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But it also goes to show that there really is no true standard of beauty. It changes with trends and time.
 
Ches said:
But it also goes to show that there really is no true standard of beauty. It changes with trends and time.
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There is no absolute or "true" one beyond basic fitness and genetic health (i.e. distance between eyes, waist:hip ratio, blemish-free skin, and a few others that are standard across all races that seem to come from the primitive past). The rest are all manufactured desires by media.
 
Of course, there was a time when plus-sized women were worshipped and considered beautiful. They were in paintings, they were pop and opera singers. As long as they were in demand, they were attractive in their own way. It still applies to this day.
 
Apollonia said:
In my case, it generally is not strangers (although it does happen) but with women whom I have been acquainted with in one fashion or another through school, work or my larger social circle. It is really sad and hurtful when the expressed attraction and attention of a desirable WM brings out the cattiness in a woman whom I thought was a friend or good acquaintance.
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I think this here is making DK's point. What you are describing sounds less of a race issue and more of a female cattiness issue. Your blackness in this case is just another nit to pick for these females. Sounds as if these females would likely be catty if a White female was the object of affection.

When it comes to BM/WW complete strangers feel the need to comment and opine with their world view. Don't recall if there is a White female equivalent of Jill Scott or if WW were threatening to boycott Robin Thicke because he is (was?) married to a BW.
 
Apollonia said:
That was a LOT to read. I think that you are continuing to look at these issues in the larger sense of "society" but it is really important to drill down further or else you will completely miss the point. The bolded highlights my point a bit more directly. If BW aren't the standard of beauty then it may be considered an insult or a bump to the ego when we are individually praised or complimented over the beauty of a WW. Actually it is often when I am complimented by WM on the beauty of my skin color, hair texture or facial features that I have had non-black women make snarky comments. Does this happen every day? No, but it has happened repeatedly over the course of my life and it is always surprising and saddening.

In my case, it generally is not strangers (although it does happen) but with women whom I have been acquainted with in one fashion or another through school, work or my larger social circle. It is really sad and hurtful when the expressed attraction and attention of a desirable WM brings out the cattiness in a woman whom I thought was a friend or good acquaintance.

This is not a generalization about ALL WW or ALL of anyone but ask any 10 attractive BW if they have ever had an "experience" particularly when a desirable WM compliments their attractiveness in front a WW (or a non-black women) and you are bound to get a few stories about a bit of cattiness.
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Women are catty period. I think being ignored for any other woman would create tension regardless of race don't you think
 
Ches said:
But it also goes to show that there really is no true standard of beauty. It changes with trends and time.
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Tell that to fashion models where the overwhelming majority of women are white. Whatever the features whiteness still reigns supreme love
 
AlmostThere said:
I think this here is making DK's point. What you are describing sounds less of a race issue and more of a female cattiness issue. Your blackness in this case is just another nit to pick for these females. Sounds as if these females would likely be catty if a White female was the object of affection.

When it comes to BM/WW complete strangers feel the need to comment and opine with their world view. Don't recall if there is a White female equivalent of Jill Scott or if WW were threatening to boycott Robin Thicke because he is (was?) married to a BW.
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Preach brother preach. Finally someone gets it.
 
OK so I told myself I was going to stay out if this convo but I can't lol...I have never had a white woman say anything about who I've been with (except family members) but I have had complete strangers (BW & WM) come up to me and go off. I have been threatened with physical violence simply because I was walking hand and hand with a BM. When my ex finished signing his life away to the Air Force we went for pizza at the food court. A group of 3 BW went off in front of my 3 kids. Luckily I didn't have to say shit because his recruiter (BM) was there and did all the talking for me ;)
 
fantasyfangrl said:
OK so I told myself I was going to stay out if this convo but I can't lol...I have never had a white woman say anything about who I've been with (except family members) but I have had complete strangers (BW & WM) come up to me and go off. I have been threatened with physical violence simply because I was walking hand and hand with a BM. When my ex finished signing his life away to the Air Force we went for pizza at the food court. A group of 3 BW went off in front of my 3 kids. Luckily I didn't have to say shit because his recruiter (BM) was there and did all the talking for me ;)
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Thanks foe sharing this. Never see this or hear this the other way around.
 
fantasyfangrl said:
OK so I told myself I was going to stay out if this convo but I can't lol...I have never had a white woman say anything about who I've been with (except family members) but I have had complete strangers (BW & WM) come up to me and go off. I have been threatened with physical violence simply because I was walking hand and hand with a BM. When my ex finished signing his life away to the Air Force we went for pizza at the food court. A group of 3 BW went off in front of my 3 kids. Luckily I didn't have to say shit because his recruiter (BM) was there and did all the talking for me ;)
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I have been blatantly ignored by BW. who I have spoken to at parties when I was with my Ex husband, not fun to be somewhere like that at all. (African)

With my current partner, things have been a little easier as most Caribbean women I've met, seem to be much more friendly overall.
 
AlmostThere said:
I think this here is making DK's point. What you are describing sounds less of a race issue and more of a female cattiness issue. Your blackness in this case is just another nit to pick for these females. Sounds as if these females would likely be catty if a White female was the object of affection.

When it comes to BM/WW complete strangers feel the need to comment and opine with their world view. Don't recall if there is a White female equivalent of Jill Scott or if WW were threatening to boycott Robin Thicke because he is (was?) married to a BW.
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complained when actor Robert DeNiro dated, married and had children with black women. Actor Sean Penn, after his divorce from Madonna, dated a black woman(it was brief but it caused quite a stir). Again, nobody complained. My cousin on my father's side of the family is married to a white man. I'm not complaining and so far, none of my relatives are complaining, either.

But, if a BM(celebrity or not) was seen with a WW, you can bet there will be stares and whispered comments. And if they are bold enough, some man or woman would voice their opinion because they were shocked by what they saw and it challenged their world view. I remember I had drove a woman her daughter and her boyfriend to a hospital in another town. When the young mother was called in to see the doctor, she and her boyfriend went in, leaving me to look after her daughter. I did everything I could to keep her entertain(like using my hat as a toy, or my car keys). Everyone in the waiting room(all white) watched me and my handling of the little girl's care. After a while, a man came over and sat down with us and said hello. I explained that I was looking after the little girl for her mother. The man said that he was curious and that he understood that me and the little girl got along fine. But he used "we" in that sentence. I wasn't sure if he meant him and his wife or the collective view of the other people in the waiting room. It felt very awkward. But, the little girl and I waited until her mother and boyfriend were finished with the doctor. No problems that day, thank God.
 
fantasyfangrl said:
OK so I told myself I was going to stay out if this convo but I can't lol...I have never had a white woman say anything about who I've been with (except family members) but I have had complete strangers (BW & WM) come up to me and go off. I have been threatened with physical violence simply because I was walking hand and hand with a BM. When my ex finished signing his life away to the Air Force we went for pizza at the food court. A group of 3 BW went off in front of my 3 kids. Luckily I didn't have to say shit because his recruiter (BM) was there and did all the talking for me ;)
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Thanks for sharing your experience. I have also experienced this as well. In undergrad I was cornered, physically intimidated threatened with physical and sexual assault by a black guy whom I had turned down numerous times (due to his reputation of being sexually aggressive on dates) when he found out that I was dating a "white boy".
 
Apollonia said:
Thanks for sharing your experience. I have also experienced this as well. In undergrad I was cornered, physically intimidated threatened with physical and sexual assault by a black guy whom I had turned down numerous times (due to his reputation of being sexually aggressive on dates) when he found out that I was dating a "white boy".
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What an idiot. I don't know what makes some guys think that if a woman turns you down, the proper response is to get threatening and loud. Like you were going to say: "oh, thanks for insulting and berating me...now, how about that date?" Lol. Makes me want to ask "How's that working for you?" Pisses me off. Wish you had been sitting there on the white guy's lap, lol. That's what he needed to see. What a tool.
 
Apollonia said:
Thanks for sharing your experience. I have also experienced this as well. In undergrad I was cornered, physically intimidated threatened with physical and sexual assault by a black guy whom I had turned down numerous times (due to his reputation of being sexually aggressive on dates) when he found out that I was dating a "white boy".
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Interesting. Very interesting
 
orejon4 said:
What an idiot. I don't know what makes some guys think that if a woman turns you down, the proper response is to get threatening and loud. Like you were going to say: "oh, thanks for insulting and berating me...now, how about that date?" Lol. Makes me want to ask "How's that working for you?" Pisses me off. Wish you had been sitting there on the white guy's lap, lol. That's what he needed to see. What a tool.
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^^ This!! I don't get it either but some people are just plain mentally unstable! :smt017
 
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