I used to think it was cut and dry, you cheat, you GO. I have a different stance these days. Most of the time, its easy, cheaters go. However, sometimes, sometimes there are other issues that leads to cheating and sometimes, if there is a lot of time invested, and the willingness of the cheater to conform, and the cheated to forgive, if they had mutual serious problems, but are 100% willing to work on them, then, there may be a chance to work it out. Just something I have picked up along the way. That is for physical cheating, emotional cheating, as in your spouse fell in love with someone else, well, that is hard to recover from. Gotta go, I don't think you can recover from that. Sometimes sex is just sex, and may be possible to recover from, IF certain issues are fixed. if emotions are involved, well, nope, not just sex. Buhbye.
i understand what u are saying. it would be really hard to see if they are really willing to change to me....for some people who cheat, the next step on the list is killing their mate.
I thought like this when I was younger. Now that I'm older, I'm less tolerant towards cheating. He will know up front if he cheats, it's over. If you're in your 50's and still haven't learned to be faithful or how to guard against temptation, you don't deserve a second chance. Jmo.
I'm 100% faithful and honest, if he is not able or willing to offer the same, that's it for me. No second chance for a cheater because I know it would haunt me and the faith is destroyed.
It's hard not to expect that people will cheat. It seems as if that's how we're designed. Sites like Ashley Madison wouldn't have millions of subscribers if that weren't a little true. Personally I am too anxious about possible disease or unwanted pregnancy to indulge but that's not every person and I get that. I hope my SO doesn't cheat, but if she did we'd have to get tested and figure out what happened.
Expecting the worst from people is an easy way to protect our hearts but it's probably not the healthiest way to live. I expect very little from people in general because I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than let down. That mentality keeps people so guarded though and could lead to pessimism in some. Thankfully I'm a weirdly awesome combination of untrusting yet fully optimistic and positive lol. I cheated on one person in my life and I'll never, ever let go of the guilt from that. It's not something I ever thought I'd do, nor is it something that I'd ever tolerate (or expect someone else to tolerate). I don't buy into the once a cheater always a cheater thing. Sometimes we make shitty decisions. We're human. The goal in life is to learn from those horrible choices and strive to do better. I do believe everyone is capable of cheating though, given the right circumstances. Maybe I'm not 100% optimistic after all lol.
Oh my bad, I assumed since you knew so much about them that you experienced one first hand instead of being just book smart. Also calling it "complicated" sounds like an justification to me. My bad once again if that wasn't you.
Stop being so hard on yourself.... People act as if you did things the so called "right way", broke up with your spouse then had sex with whoever your feeling will lessen the pain for the ex spouse. Just like abuse, I find cheating can be just as grey. I actually think cheating should be classified as abuse itself.
I feel you! Once an person starts emotional cheating, they already checked out of the relationship. Ain't nothing you can do to bring that person back.
It isn't about lessening the pain for the ex-spouse, or ex whatever. It's about honoring the commitment, self respect and respect for one's s/o. Cheating is a form of abuse. And while that's true, I certainly don't think someone should spend the rest of their lives punishing themselves for something that they did. As a comment to another post: I don't agree that everyone will cheat given the "right" circumstances. I really think that is something people say to try to justify and excuse something they have not come to terms with.
