A little embarassed but facing reality

Having an impartial third party telling you both to shut up and listen to one another, is what some people need. It's not bullshit.

That, I agree on.

True, sad, but true.

I will give you that there are relationships out there like that, of course there are, but it's not realistic to state that "today the opposite is true" since men still tend to be the bacon bringers in the family and many women today still rely on a man for finacial support. Things haven't changed that much.
And any man in a relationship with a woman, who is acting like you describe, needs to dump that bitch and find someone with heart.

Since this is the 21st century, I say...too fucking bad for them. They're old enough to take responsibility for themselves, and bloody well should. Why start being cry babies now? Such an immature way to be (even for women IMO).

Indeed.

 

Hopefully that check is in the mail.

 

You do raise food for thought on this point indeed. We all fall back to that basic human desire of being valued by the one we are with, whether we are a man or woman.

 

Therein lies the issue Pixie. By that point in time the relationship may no longer be a healthy one, which would lead us back to the "ego" issue cited.

If someone man or woman feels unappreciated in a relationship, the dynamics of the relationship has often changed, i.e. the unhealthy relationship.

The worst thing is when one feels they have given their best in a relationship and their partner has just become seemingly indifferent. That is also a two way street.

I am not married/divorced so I can't fall back on those experiences you guys have acquired, my views are strictly limited to cohabiting relationships, which I assume are easier to navigate as opposed to a marriage and what that entails.

 

And that's why counseling can be a valuable tool in a troubled marriage. It may help a couple understand what's important, what makes the other feel valued (it's easy to lose sight of that), it may help point a couple back to understanding what drew them to each other in the first place and re-kindle the original flame.

I look back on my marriage and see many ways I could have done things differently.
I was in full "Mommy" mode as a young wife. My priority was keeping my sanity and dressing to be comfortable. I wasn't trying to be sexy. I wasn't thinking about my husband's ego. Nor did he care about my emotional needs. We forget all too easily that the things we do to attract our partner are the things that will keep our partner attracted to us. You need to go back to what worked in the beginning.

I know, if given the chance to marry again, I will do things very differently. Respecting & admiring my husband will be at the top of my list.

 

Very quality points you mentioned chesbay.

 

You guys are right, my view on marriage counselers is immature, ignorant, and quite naive.... I never been in that situation and I never will be. :wink: but I stand by my firm belief that if you have to seek counseling than the relationship has a sliver of hope of surviving in the long run... just let things run it's natural course instead of trying to force it.

I respect and value everyone's opinions here and from the bottom of my heart wish that Nikko and whoever else the best with their relationships but more importantly their happiness.

Tam that comment about me being ashamed of strolling out and about with the Wife.......it's called a joke, woooosaaaaaaaaaa. Needless to say, from day 1 my Wife and I continue to hold an incredible ironclad relationship which ain't stopping until both of our caskets drop.

 

I don't personally feel that's the case. If you're in a committed relationship, whether you are married or just living together, the relationship dynamics are likely the same for most couples. You face the same relationship challenges either way. Some relationships take a lot of work, and some take almost no work, I think the key is understanding which type you're in.

I also agree that some egos need stroked, both men and women, and that doesn't abate with age. Many factors determine that, but basically people like to know that they matter to the ones they love, and if they aren't getting that need addressed at home, they will typically look elsewhere. Doesn't mean they will cheat on their partner, but I suspect if you feel completely unappreciated by your partner, it might be tempting. That's true of any 'need' though IMO. If something is important to you, your partner knows that and doesn't address it, you may eventually be drawn to seek fulfillment elsewhere. It doesn't really matter whether your partner thinks it to be an appropriate need, or a necessary need, if it is to you then you'll likely be driven to fulfill it.

 

A little embarrassed but facing reality,......................

GQ Brotha,

Sir, your comment regarding value as well your later posting regarding, " the dynamics of the relationship ", are truly insightful for my eyes please. i'm tremendously impressed of your macro perspective while relating the nuance{s}. the post affords my own expansion to understandings so broadened. i smile now,



alexis

 

i just went through that thread. i would love to know what happened to him and his marriage!

 

Update???

 

LOL. I would love to respond to that but Im gonna be nice