Anyone Experienced Friction With WW in the Workplace?

I was just curious about this and wanted to know if any of my fellow black men have experienced (or occasionally experience) some friction with their white, female co-workers in the work place. In the corporate world, I generally try to get along with my co-workers. I tend to be very friendly, outgoing and approachable with others to help promote a comfortable working environment. However, no matter how friendly, nice and polite you may be to people, not everyone can be on your side. In my culture, I was raised to be polite and respectful to everyone, be they supervisors, co-workers, even the homeless man on the street. Upon arriving in the United States almost 10 years ago, I realized the hard way that with certain people in American culture, if you tend to be nice and friendly most of the time, in dating just like in corporate America, you'll be considered a pushover. And if you're in a position where you need to delegate responsibility, you might get to a point where some folks wouldn't want to take your orders and instructions seriously.

My most memorable experience happened last year while working as a graduate assistant at one of my university's several departments. I was responsible for supervising a group of five, undergraduate students. Because I was new to the team, I did my best to make all of them feel comfortable with me and I tried as hard as possible to get to know them as well. My experiences with two, white female undergraduate students was rather unique. My relationship with "C" was quite good in the beginning, at least from what I thought. I used to crack jokes and make her laugh, ask her questions about her major, etc., and when she saw me outside of work one or two times, she would wave.

About two months or so later, she suddenly changed. I ran into her at the computer lab at school one evening and I walked up to her, as a fellow co-worker and student, and said hi. She looked at me from head to toe as if I were out of my mind or as if she didn't even know me. Her response to me was very rude and harsh. Since then, I decided to play her game and I began ignoring her both in and out of the office. She would walk into the office frowning, put down her bag, notice me on the computer and walk right out to ask the receptionist if there was anything for her to do. C. wouldn't say a word to me despite knowing that I was the one assigned to give her work. I continued to ignore her, and it got to the point where I didn't feel comfortable asking for her help even if I was completely overloaded with work. She wouldn't sit with me in the same room unless someone else were there, and when she spoke, it was often to whoever else was there.

It got to the point where I talked to my supervisor about it. I told her that I could care less what the undergraduate students thought of me as a person. They could act as they wish toward me outside of the office and I didn't care for their greetings or attention; however, for the sake of the proper functioning of our office, we needed to respect each other as individuals so that we could do our jobs. I told my supervisor that I won't tolerate any more disrespect from them. There would be a few times when the student in question would come into the office and find me sitting there, and playing her game, I won't say a word. Then she would sit away from me and begin sobbing/crying. I still didn't say a word. It wasn't until several months later that she started saying hello to me.

Another white female, undergraduate student on the team, S., also exhibited the same behavior toward me. Compared to the C., S. just didn't see herself taking any instructions from me: she'd been working there several years before I came in, and therefore, there was nothing she felt she had to learn from me. I felt very discouraged by her attitude when I tried to get used to her, but I noticed she actually felt a lot more comfortable with an Indian female student who was hired to join the team several months after I began working there. This Indian lady was also a graduate student.

It wasn't until toward the end of my term that I made an extra attempt to find some other way to connect with S. that our relationship became somewhat better. Prior to that, she never hesitated to come up to me and complain whenever she felt "someone" on the team (often thinking it was me) had made a mistake.

The one thing I've noticed as a foreign black male working in corporate America is that in a good number of offices, there always seem to be "some" American women who would look down on you because you have an accent and due to where you come from. They expect you to not know what you're doing and to be unintelligible, etc. Being a black male and foreign adds with it a double pressure. It pretty much seems as if you're fighting two battles. On the one hand, you end up having to show ignorant people that you actually got the job on the basis of merit and not just perhaps due to Affirmative Action as some may think; on the other hand, you have to demonstrate that just because you may sound different and might be from some other part of the world, you're not some dumb, unintelligible foreigner who doesn't know what the heck he's doing.

 

I'm not sure what's going on here. I'm a foreign born Black male and have always had much better professional and personal relationships with White women than with Black Women. Maybe it was something you said to them that was outside the bounds of a normal professional relationship. If it's bugging you so much just ask them what's the problem. I know I would!!!!

 

Everyone's experiences aren't the same, Astro, so even if you haven't had those types of run-ins with American white females in the workplace, rest assured that some of us actually HAVE, and you don't have to be a foreign black male either.

 

I've always thought people at work were assholes, regardless of whether i am foreign or not. I mean, i was born here but have not lived here for up to 10 years. People who meet me for the first time can never tell until they know me as i supposedly speak with a California accent(as a lot of people say). Yet, i get treated like crap so Sardonic is right, you do not have to be foreign. However, i must admit that foreigners tend to get even better favors than native black Americans. I mean, when i tell people that i've lived in Nigeria most of my life and i grew up there, they say, "No wonder" and start to point out reasons to me "being different".

Now at work, i do not have horrible co-workers; the majority are nice and a few of them, i put in their places. For example, there is this lady(white) who for some reason, thinks i am attracted to her OR feels that i have to be attracted to her because she's a blonde. I mean, you guys know about some women who think that every black man has to be attracted to them for reasons bestowed upon them and she is one of them. When i first started here, she was nice and everything. We used to say hi until she started making lewd, harrasing, uncomfortable comments, mostly sexually and racially insensitive. And she tried in every way to get me to notice her. She'd either jump at every opportunity to speak with me, get me to give her a lift or do something silly such as bend right in front of me :lol: It gets funny in the short term but in the long run, its embarassing and annoying and me not being the fool, if i play into her foolish tricks, three words: SEXUAL HARASSMENT LAWSUIT.

But thats about it. The women are very nice and i get on smooth with them. The ladies i work with are sweet and we get on very well, of course much to the disgust of some people whom i think we all know. :lol: But i do not give a hoot; i do what i want, when, how and where i want. Of course, when i was new here, i had to prove myself, something we are all familiar with. I remember the very first day i began. I had prepared myself for the coldest of receptions so i did not really get offended by anything. But i could see the shock all over the faces of everyone upon seeing a 6'8, 240 lbs brown-skinned black male lawyer. But it did not bother me. I am used to such things. I did try, though, to be as welcoming, unthreatening and polite as possible, something i do all of the time regardless of where i am. I am someone who uses his hands a lot but when i first started work here, i tried to change all of that and i tried not to speak with a very loud voice. These stereotypes are very depressing but when people know the real YOU, everything should be fine.

 

Re:

Hi Astor,

Trust me...I never said anything to either of those women to make them uncomfortable ever. First off, I'm more of a shy, reserved type and not the attention-seeking, in your face kind of guy. I don't work there anymore, by the way. I found out later that one of them, C., was supposedly dealing with personal, academic issues, while the other one, S., just wasn't very fond of me. That's life.

 

Again, Shaft this is philly and the mentality is racist and segregationist. I have to explain that to you first because you forget it.

Lots of people here in philly think that they can be rude and acti superior because they are used to being divided by race and class.

I get that from time to time but if I ignore them they usually try and behave, but i am not here to please anyone but my God. I laugh it off bt i am amazed by the fact that the black folks dont get it here in Philly. This is a city that is 80% democrats and the white democrats treat the blacks as second class citizens and yet the black folks keep supporting them. so the blacks get exactly what they ask for, NOTHING and NO Respect. I command respect and get it, from the students I teach to the coworkers to my boss

 

Re:

Very well said, Tucker. I always appreciate your feedback and insight. I'm really getting sick and tired of Philadelphia and ready to move when I hopefully get my Master's degree by the end of next spring. Plus, the crime rate in Philadelphia is just way, out of control. I have a lot of respect for many of you on this forum, because it's not easy to be able to keep track of so many posts in several, different sections on this forum as you have been doing.

 

Another issue we as black men working in a corporate environment is, someone is always testing us. Seeing if we match up to their level of expertise or intelligence. WW often times can be a downfall for us as they can flirt and be suggestive and if we dont respond they can make accusations and if we do respond they can do it as well. I dont trust human beings who are naturally proned to selfishness due to our sin nature, not to be working for the boss or others in the office to get us fired.

we have to be better than the WM in the office. We have to watch ourselves witht he WW--i personally try not to be flirty with them and to not be seen alone with any of them. Sistahs are ok but they can be an issue too on their way to the top. I trust brothas more in the workplace but watch that they dont start doing negative things that will reflect on me.

have to be your own island often times without being too paranoid.

 

Although you were only scratching the surface with this particular paragraph, it alone speaks mad volumes.

This one makes a good follow up...

Sounds like me...

See previous answer.

 

Re:

Very valid points, you all. The only corporate environment where I have worked so far that had several, younger white women (undergraduate, college students, so I don't think that really counts) was in my previous job as a graduate assistant. The only young, attractive white woman at my new job is the supervisor I mentioned to you guys earlier, who's about to get married. Come to think of it, I don't think she's older than 26 in terms of her age. I had an opportunity to see her face much closer while I was in her office, and she looked really young. I doubt that she would make a move on me, though. So I guess I might be safe? I'm not sure if adultery is common in corporate America?

 

I'm sure adultery is, but certainly not IR style.

 

Indeed.

I really love your style, SardonicGenie. I love the fact that your replies are always simple, straight-to-the-point, honest answers with great depths of intelligence in it.

 

8) 8) 8) Appreciated.