College Experiences Certainly Shape Your Dating Life

I was reading a post on here about an hour ago which dealt with the issue of rejection within one's own race when it comes to dating. As a 28 year old single black male and graduate student, I strongly believe based on my life history that the experiences we have in college do shape and influence our respective lives. My experience might be quite unique by virtue of the fact that I am an African male. When I came to the United States in 1998, I didn't expect to have much of any white friends. My impression was that an overwhelming majority of American white males and females, at least 90% of the country's population, comprised of hardcore racists. Not once did I even consider dating a white woman. It was out of the question to me. I always used to tell myself, "Why in the world would I want to date a white woman when there are so many beautiful, American black women in the United States?"

Upon leaving in the United States for several more years, I learned a lesson the hard way. I began experiencing more rejection and discrimination from American black women than from women of other races. Ironically, it was white women who seemed to be willing to get to know me as a person and to learn about my culture. While American black women looked down on me and ridiculed me for having a "different accent," white women often told me they found my accent (which is a mixture of French and British) very sexy. In addition, many young American black women who had no clue about the way life truly is in Africa, took the mainstream media's misrepresentation of the continent to heart: Africans are backward and uncivilized; there are no cities in African countries, all African men are polygamists and chauvinists, etc.

Then of course, there was the whole rejection from American black women for "not being thug enough" and "being too nice" and "too into the books/acting white" and not being all dressed up in flashy jewelry (bling-bling) and not having a car, albeit a flashy one. I dealt with this rejection for at least six straight years and my self esteem greatly suffered and my heart was deeply wounded. I lost so much confidence in myself and my abilities.

The warm welcome and embrace that I hoped to receive from the African-American community only came from African-American men, not the women. To this day, I just haven't been able to relate on an intellectual, social, and cultural level at all with American black women. It's like we just live in two, separate worlds and I personally just find the American black woman a little too superficial for my liking. These experiences strongly motivated me to try my chance with white women, the only other side that seemed receptive to me. Here in the U.S., the only black women who have truly expressed in me have come from foreign countries; the rest have all been white. I also noticed that I seemed to bond better with white women who are teachers, etc., open-minded and intellectual.

Without a doubt, these experiences have shaped my life. I don't and see no reason to go out of my way to socialize with an American black woman. As a matter of fact, I just don't care. I can relate to black men who grow up not feeling accepted by American black women and who purposefully avoid them when they become older. That's pretty much where I am right now. Ironically enough, many of the kinds of women who didn't give me the time of day now look at me twice on the street just because I have begun working out at the gym regularly and am now quite muscular. I just ignore them. They aren't worth my timeTell me about superficiality. I certainly see no reason why I would want to share my hard-earned money with a group of women who under normal circumstances thought I wasn't good enough for them prior to being considered successful. Once you're successful, those women now consider you a "good brotha."

It's interesting to me that many African men I know seem to have had the same experiences with American black women. Most of the complaints have been about these women being unwilling to accept them for who they are. It's always been either: "You're an African male, I'm better than you, so I won't lower my standards by dating you;" "You have an accent. I don't understand what you're saying;'" "Do you have your own place?"; Do you have a car, because there's no way I'll pick a man up in mine."

When I used to tell my friends back home about these dating experiences, they were often completely shocked. It's really ridiculous.

 

thank you, my brother from Africa. I am an Afro American, and I have experienced the exact same thing that you have. You are 100% correct!!

 

Shaft you are right on target my brother. I'm originally from the Island of Jamaica and you've described my experiences with Black American women to a tee. I don't have any plans now or in the near future of dating or marrying any of them.

 

Thank you for your feedback, my brothers. I'm not surprised most of you have had similar experiences. Isn't it ironic that while many of these young, American black women force black men in college to live thuggish lives and indulge in anti-social behavior to become popular, those same women go on to graduate schools, earm Master's degrees and P.H.D.s and later complain about a "shortage of black men?" They forget that most of the black men who ended up in jail transformed themselves into thugs to try to be accepted by them and to please them. Yet they complain that black men don't want to pursue an education when most of them didn't encourage us to do so in the first place. It's a shame.

 

You know shaft, I have to say from my observations that you are spot on,One woman at my job that that Africa was one big country and that you could drive from nigeria to the sudan in like 2 days and she was in her mid thirties. I had to tell here that africa is a continent that has all kinds of countries in it.

 

What makes me feel qualm about this entire thread is how much people will come in here and misinterpret it, ONLY causing MORE DRAMA in here, to add to all the other BS drama in here, and then the black female trolls will start spamming and taking over the boards, turning the white women and the black men against one another, but mainly going after the black men, and then the black men and the white women will argue with the black female trolls to try and get rid of them, and then after the black female trolls and white women team up against the black men in here because of only one thing that only one of the men in here said, they will begin to engage each other in a hateful back-and-forth exchange, which will then cause some people to either stop posting, or just keep lurking the boards for another 2 and a half years, and then after it's all said and done, some white male supremacist trolls will come in here and then get picked on and drove out of here by pretty much all of us (especially me, 'cause they're my lil' 'buddies' :roll: ) and then when the black men and the white women come together and start getting along again after THAT, some black men will come in here and say something that pisses off the white women and then the white women will start talking about how sexy other ethnic groups of men can be as well, such as Asian men over THAT, and then people will bring up black women and their 'victim' status again and again, and again, and...

 

Hey fellas,

Needless to say, all of you are right on target. Shaft, my experience was extremely similar to yours and I have lived in the U.S. my whole life. I won't bore you by re-writing the details here, just read my thread titled, "why I exclusively date interracially" if you haven't already. I was never considered attractive by black females at all in elementary school, junior high, high school, or college. The girls that ever gave me a chance were non-black females (mainly white, filipino, and spanish girls among others).

It is a shame that in the black community, you get more praise, respect, and the lion's share of women if you are a thug, in prison, on death-row, or a player. But if you are a hard-worker, intellectual, and an over-achiever you are bullied, ostracized, and shunned by your so-called own people. To be truthfully honest, my patience is tapped out and I have no love to give to black women ......as bad as that sounds. I now have blossomed with an education, a pretty face, and a muscular body......It is now I who kick them (Black women) to the curve. It is truly a great feeling to come from being the guy that girls never wanted to going to having options.

Tuckereed, Astrobryan, and Shaft.....
Keep you heads up fellas, and explore different cultures and ethnic groups of women. There are so many women in this world that bring more to the table than BW do and are 5 times more beautiful than BW will ever be. Don't fret or be angry or think that girls don't want you because of what BW have done to you. As a filipino lady friend from my past told me......

WARNING: THESE FOLLOWING CHARACTERISTICS DO NOT APPLY TO ALL BLACK WOMEN, BUT MOSTLY TO ONES IN THE U.S.

My friend told me boldly:
Don't waste your time with women that are overwieght, wear fake hair, fake color contact lenses, and other fake accessories to compete with the very women they complain about and don't waste time with women that don't appreciate you.

I know this sounds bad to some of you, but it reminds me of the calling....
BE AN EXCLUSIVE INTERRACIAL DATER!!!! 8)

 

Nilan,

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. I read your posts and the similarities between some of your experiences and mine are truly amazing. I certainly can relate to what you went through. It feels good to me at this point in my life to be able to walk confidently with my head up, knowing that I have a nice, muscular body and that (based on what a number of women have said to me) I am considered attractive by members of the opposite sex. American black women need to start taking responsibility for their immense contribution to the destruction of the black community. The amount of influence these young, American black women have on the black community should never be underestimated. I think guys like us should really get some credit for remaining true to ourselves and for not attempting to change ourselves to please others and yet destroy our own lives in the process. You have to be strong to endure so much superficial and stupid rejection for so many years and yet not feel pressure to change yourself to "fit in."

In the black community today, it is the so-called thugs and bad boys who continue to be rewarded. A woman will tell you how her ex-boyfriend is in jail for attempting to shoot a cop, but that she still has feelings for him. When he gets out of jail, he will most likely look for her and she would take him back.

Why do young black men feel the need to continually walk around with baggy, white T-shirts and do-rags whereever they go, so as to look like thugs in an attempt to continually please these women who don't know anything better? Why do black men who don't dress that way end up being called "Oreos?" These are some of the reasons why I stopped watching all of those rap videos five years ago. I'm barely familiar with the up and coming artists in that genre of music. These women say black men don't respect them...yet look at how they portray themselves in those videos and how many of them dress on the street? It's such a shame.

 

To answer your questions, Shaft, RACIAL HYPOCRISY.

 

thanks, nilan, shaft and sardonic, you guys are so Right ON!!!

 

yeah, you find out that there is good and bad in all people no matter what color.

 

I would contribute to this thread but i do not even know one thing to say that has not being said. All of you raise valid points. Im sure i have posted my stories on numerous occasions, which are similar to Shaft's by the way, and we're clear with each other. I say do what makes you happy and screw the haters.