Darryl James Article On IR Dating

:idea: Despite the title this article does mention alot of myths and misconceptions concerning RACE & IR DATING in general including between black men & white women as well. The article is sort of long but it's interesting and I'd like some feedback on it. Thanks. :wink:

THE BRIDGE: Black Women And White Men
By Darryl James
(October 3, 2006)
In the Black community, many dating issues are blamed on interracial dating, despite the low numbers of men and women who actually date and/or marry outside of the race.

For example, while some Black men choose to date outside of the race, their numbers are blown out of proportion and now, some Black women are “retaliating,” by dating outside of the race, and even going as far as to call it a “revolution.”

Take for example, the movie Something New, in which a successful Black woman dates and falls in love with a white man. It's not that she can't find a Black man who is also successful, because when she does (Blair Underwood, who plays a successful attorney), she still chooses the white man.

The film was innocuous, but no one really raised a stink. Black men didn't get angry enough to even talk about the stupid flick, even though it's content and it's silly star were purveying destructive propaganda.

Sanaa Lathan, when promoting the movie, claimed that it was "revolutionary" because it was the "first time" that a film captured a relationship between a white man and a Black woman. She went even further, claiming that it was "about time" that sisters crossed the racial dating line, since so many Black men are doing so.

First, I guess Ms. Lathan never watches movies herself, since she missed films with Black women loving white men, including Halle Berry's Oscar-winning performance in Monster’s Ball, or her turn as a Bond Girl with Pearce Brosnan, or even her breast-revealing role in Swordfish with John Travolta. Or how about Angela Bassett with Robert Deniro? How could she call her film the first?

And, even if this silly film were the first time, how is it revolutionary? There is no general consensus that Black men dating white women is a good thing, nor is there any real research to support the accusations of the Black man’s great love for white women. To call the advent of Black women dating white men a "revolution" is destructive, silly and ignorant.

In yet another upcoming "revolutionary" film, Neo Ned, Gabrielle Union is found in the midst of a relationship with a Neo-Natzi. The skinhead racist meets her in a mental institution and gets sparked because in her insanity, she thinks she's housing the soul of Adolph Hitler. Of course, they fall in love and the N-Word gets dropped a few thousand times.

And, like too many stories of race in America, the racist is portrayed as a good guy at heart, who is just misunderstood and needing of love. He’s misguided because he only knows three Black people: "There's this guy in high school, a guy I killed and you. If I can't hate the Blacks, who can I hate?"

The discussion brewing surrounding this movie covers a few perspectives, but sadly, the whole "revolutionary" label is getting slapped on it, and it really isn't anything that makes revolutionary people, events and art earn the label.

One popular website for Black people recently sponsored an excursion to Italy for Black women, with the goal of establishing a competing version of the Black man's escape to Brazil for sexual escapades with foreign women.

To my sisters who think that turning away from Black men to seek out mates in the white world, I can only say good luck. I hope you find the happiness that every human deserves. If you are dating outside of the race because that is where you have found the love of your life, then no one should ever say an unkind word about you or what you do in your private life.

But if you are dating outside of the race because you have essential problems with Black men, then I feel sorry for you.

Realize that white men have their own set of difficulties just as any other human beings do. And, white marriage rates are also declining, which means that you may date, but purposefully dating outside of the race won't guarantee success with marriage.

Secondly, I will admonish you just as I admonish Black men who date outside of the race, seeking something better than what our people have to offer: Do so out of love and pure compatibility, not for escapism or as a novelty, or what you will be doing is based on self-hatred and what you will find is sadness and discomfort in a world that is not as poetic as you may want to believe.

This nation, founded upon race and racism, still carries a legacy of racial dissonance that affects even the most enlightened of us.

And, there are some real vestiges of the legacy of racism that show themselves in many ways. They will also rear their ugly heads inside of interracial relationships.

Historically, the relationship between white men and Black women was all about rape, destruction and disrespect. White men crept into the slave quarters and in many cases would kill the woman as well as the resulting bastard child.

And, Black men also have a twisted history with white women. While the violence didn't come directly from the white woman’s own hands, an untoward glance or even the thought of having "tampered" with white women was enough to send a Black man swinging from the noose.

There are still vestiges of that taboo, even found within our own community where Black men who date outside of the race are seen as sellouts and worse, especially in the eyes of Black women.

No matter what the reason or the result, the reality is that while the world appears to have changed, leading some of us to think that racism is dying, the sentiment and the actions associated with racism are still alive and well, even when it comes to the genders.

What this means is that we are not always viewed as the beautiful people that we are by all of the people in the race some of us aspire to escape to for love.

Case in point is Duke University, where a young Black mother was raped in a bathroom during a party for the school's LaCrosse team. In addition to the fact that the accused men are white, the resulting press has been horrifyingly disrespectful, yet revealing, as many came to the defense of the white men.

One media personality referred to the Black mother as a “ho.” (I'd like to get the redneck bastard alone for two minutes--he'll never use the word “ho” or whore in the same sentence with Black woman again.) Emails from the team and posts on message boards hosting discussions on the issue were also revealing as to what many whites still think about Black women.

Not that Black men are garnering greater love from white women, many of who seek out a simple fulfillment of a “Mandingo” fantasy.

What we are dealing with is propaganda, for the most part.

And, some of the propaganda where interracial dating is concerned comes from our own community.

That propaganda will have people believing that Black men can't wait to get their hands on white women, and that now Black women can’t wait to open themselves to white men, instead of waiting for the good Black man who is now nearly “extinct.”

People date other humans, and some people are less concerned with race than with the love and compatibility they find. There is no proof that either Black men or Black women are dating outside of the race in numbers that should concern any of us.

But the public discussions have to be countered.

There are very few Black men running around talking about how much they love white women more than Black women. When they appear, there are a number of Black men who counter them with our love and preference for Black women.

I’d like to see more Black women vocalize the silliness of dating outside of the race as a “revolution,” before that propaganda goes too far.

There is no "revolution" to be found in Black women dating outside of the race. If that is your choice, do so, but don't call it anything except that--a choice.

Let's deal with the real issues.

Everyone is having difficulty in dating, so why not stop pretending that it’s only us?

And, before heading for other races, how about we put in a little work with each other first?

 

Hmmm interesting article indeed Noble......and just so you know, I've finally seen Something New a few weeks ago. Easy movie, nothing special except the couple was IR and that was fantastic and supernatural enough that you would make a movie out of it ! And all that "oh my God he's white should I date him no I shouldnt" was childish to me, not to mention that the woman was acting around the white guy like she was scared even of her own shadow.........devils we are, whiteys :lol:

So back to the topic of this article, the author purposely overlooks when he says
" It's not that she can't find a Black man who is also successful, because when she does (Blair Underwood, who plays a successful attorney), she still chooses the white man"

that the woman was already in love and developed feelings for the white guy and thats why she chose him, not because she has something against black guys.

the rest of the article seems to capture well the reality of gender relations in US, IR or same race, as far as I know about it, and I agree that IR shouldn't be labeled as "revolutionary" but should be as normal as it is to date someone of your own race, but what it should be and what it actually is in everyday reality are 2 different stories. Whilst its not revolutionary by far, its not spared of comments, judgement and hate nonetheless. And I have to agree with the author again on racism not "dying" yet as much as we'd like to think.

 

I haven't seen it yet. I may eventually but it doesn't interest me at all.

 

Well, if you don't mind my 2 cents, I wholeheartedly agree with the article, in fact, all of the debates in here with trolls can be summed up within this very article all on it's own. The things mentioned throughout the entire article regarding the conditions of IR here in American society couldn't be articulated more clearly, let more, should have been more obvious to the American people by now, and you would think so since it's '06, but hey, even we Americans can't stop causing all of our own problems in this country with race relations, politics, religion, and otherwise, whilst a lot of it affecting conditions in other countries also.

 

oh well i thought you once said something about me and Tmass seeing Something New and I assumed you saw it, maybe i remember wrong

 

:shock: Nope that wasn't me but what did Tmass think of it and did the two of you check it out together?

 

I think the author made some good points because it really should be about choice.
We all know that IR is not the real answer to the ills of racism because some of the most racist people I've known have been outside of their race.

In the end we really are all the same so IR mating should be viewed in no different light than people mating within their own race but each time anyone male or female of any race does it out of spite or retaliation, we all take two steps back.

 

Unfortunately many people will still make it a sore point in race relations.

 

lol no, we didn't check it together and i dont know if Tmass saw it, but i have a feeling what his opinion would be heh

here's what i meant with it

http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=3801&start=0

anyway, it's not important, i just thought you saw it that's all

 

:arrow:

Oh okay now I see what you're talking about! I posted that because I've heard over & over that that was the theme of the movie...lol. Still probably won't see it anytime soon but thanks anyway. :wink:

 

I am sure i am not going to be the last to say this, but this guy hit the nail right on the head. I could not find one area where i disagreed with him. It seems like he has only said the things that we brothas on this site are constantly saying.

Blaming the problems on the black community on interracial relationships is downright stupid, given the fact that black men dating/married to white women are about 10% of all black men. I honestly do not see how you can "retaliate" if you have not even been wronged in the first place :lol: A revolution? Please.

The movie "Something New" was nonsense in my opinion and i had no intention of watching it in the first place. I knew that it was yet another anti-black male, brotha bashing, waste of 120 mins. I was so convinced it would tank, despite her appearance on Oprah, probably the world's most loved black woman. The movie was such a waste of time and i bet the majority of people who saw it were, well..... you already know. I rarely heard anyone but black women talk about it, saying things like, "At last black women/white men get to do something on TV". Are you fucking kidding me? :twisted: How did Halle Berry, the latest endorser of the anti-black male stance, get het Oscar? By banging a white man. I may be mistaken, but the majority of black/white relationships on TV feature black women and white men, despite the fact that there are more black males with white women than the other way round.

I would be willing to say that i did not hear one black man condemn the movie; in fact, one of my black male friends said that such projects were "a great idea" and black women should feel free to date white men. Now let us assume a movie with a similar title about a college-educated black man who cannot seem to find a black woman who suits him and so decides initially not to date white women, even though he could if he wanted to. When he eventually finds a black woman he loves, it happens that he meets another woman, who is white and falls in love with the white woman. Now imagine the outcry from black woman when such project is put together!!! Imagine the amount of columns in Essence and Ebony alone that would be dedicated to that. Imagine the amount of essays black women will write on black websites. Imagine the amount of times you'd hear "Sellout", "Uncle Tom", "Eurocentric" and lines of that sort. Imagine the threats of black women boycotting that actor's movie. See what i am getting at?

[Such a movie, if done by a black man, would be commercially successful in my opinion. Why? Because of the controversy surrounding it. But that's another story.]

It is about time sistas "crossed the line"? I guess Sanaa Lathan has never heard of Whoopi Goldberg, Rosario Dawson, Aisha Tyler, Garcelle Beauvais, Thandie Newton, Kerry Washington, Tyra Banks and many more. I am sure you all know what these women have in common.

I have not heard about the new movie with Gabrielle Union but i have no intention of seeing that either. Not because i have anything against Gabby Union; in fact, i am deeply attracted to her as a person but please, Monster's Ball Part 2 anyone? :lol:

This is not the first time i have heard of black women going to other "exotic" countries to meet men and am not too suprised. But yet, only last month was the story of brothas going to Brazil to meet some beautiful Afro-Latinas and i am sure you all know how black men were smeared. I do not want to remind you since you all can remember.

However, Darryl James being the smart man that he is, did not even bother with the smears. He has put it best when he said:

I really cannot think of a better way to evaluate that. Date whoever the fuck you want. But calling it a revolution is out of this world.

 

what magazine sponsored the trip for black women?

 

I agree with everything he wrote. Very, very good article.

 

Knowing the hypocrisy of Essence, they probably sponsored it.

 

:shock: I heard something about that too but I don't think it was Essence.

 

A revenge trip.LOL! And Sanaa Lathan is a moron. Its ridiculous how obsessed and pathetic people are over bm dating ww.

 

I just shake my head when people go into there little rants about what brotha's do in there off hrs.

 

Yea, Cris, if it was the other way around with a black male/white female couple instead, the reaction that this movie is currently getting from all of it's supporters would be the EXACT OPPOSITE, in fact, no front page news tabloid would have anything else on it for weeks, maybe even months.

 

It's funny because alot of it's supporters were so hurt when it didn't do as well as they would've liked at the box office. :lol:

 

For a lot of sistas, actually being nice to and respecting brothas (those that actually deserve respect mind you) would be "something new."