DEALING WITH PARENTS..WHO DONT UNDERSTAND

hey everyone..
im white and ive been seeing a black guy for about 4 months now...and things are going really well...i like him A LOT and we care a lot about each other. we both make each other happy.
i always talk 2 my parents about him and they want 2 meet him and he wants to meet them..
but my parents are kinda racist..only when it comes to dating though. they DONT like it. and i know they would disapprove..at least at first.
i just dont know what 2 tell them...my mom would flip. eventho hes such a great guy and she can tell he makes me happy...
WHAT DO I DO?!?!?! :cry:

 

May, I ask? Why did you start sharing how you feel about him without telling them first who he is, especially since you knew they are racist?

this is not fair to them or to him. secondly, If you are not a racist, then you must stand up for what is right!! what if he were in a wheel chair or what if he were poor and they didnt approve or rich and they didnt like rich people, would you not be just as supportive of the relationship?

think about it, this is not some sort of trendy thing, it is a regular love relationship with people whose colors are lighter or darker than the other, ONLY

 

[x]

 

This type of scenario seems to be one of the MOST recurring problems for white women in their family lives...

and, I agree with the others. You should've told them in advance, instead of just surprising them with this sort of thing. It only incites them even more, if they were to find out about it at the last minute.

Best of luck to you though. :smt006

 

Agreed. I can only imagine how uncomfortable a young bm would be walking into a room of angry white parents. And if this means that they never meet - then they never meet (especially if you are younger than 21-22 since those relationships don't tend to last anyway).

 

I've had similar problems. I've dated white women and taken then home to have my parents go crazy. But that didnt matter to me because the love i had for them was all i cared for; anything else was by the way. If y'all make each other happy, thats the paramount thing.. if at anyone's age, their parents still tell them whom and when to date, there's a bit of a problem.
I suggest you follow what your heart tells you and you never know, he may be the one for you. Christmas comes but once in a year. This may be the one for you so dont leave him because your parents dont approve of him.

 

hi i would just like to add that i understand your problem as i went through it myself although i told my parents from the word go that i was dating a bm i had all the hassle from my family mainly what will your grandad say hes very racist etc etc but they knew i had my mind made up and was dating someone i liked alot and the fact he was a bm didnt come into it and although i had all the racist comments mainly from my sisters it didnt make me change my mind at all because i was an adult and i have my life they have theres but i split up with my partner because i found out he was a player and my family was happy and i got all the told you what bm are like etc a month later when i found out i was pregnant my family went into uproar not because i was pregnant but because the father was a bm and i was no longer with the father(and the fact i already had a white son made it worse) i got lectures all over the place no white man will ever want to be with you because you have a baby by a bm id disgraced the family that's to mention a few but i do not regret a moment of it i have a gorgeous son and my family love him as a family member my point is follow your heart and tell your parents as I'm sure everything will be fine

 

What a colorful family you have there. I'm sure they would enjoy of this, if the father were a white man instead of a black man.

Sounds like they might even throw a party or something for a white man.

 

smack them around a bit is how you deal with them Honey, or get your own place

 

Hey, just wanted to say, I'm kind of in the same situation.

My parents are gone so I've been forced (by the courts nonetheless) to live with my aunt and uncle.

They're not only racist (I'm talking old school, KKK supporters) but they were also always verbally abusive to me. They're just bad people.

But now I'm 18 and can move out, but they are still controlling me in a way. They know I need money especially next year when I go to college. They know if they kick me out I'm on the streets.

And I'm in love with a black man. He's 22 and we've been dating for four years.

He makes me so happy and he's everything I would ever want. He's a Christian (like I try to be), sweet, intelligent (graduates college in about a year), and the best friend I ever had. I love him.

He knows how bad I have it at home and has even thought about dropping out so he could get a job. Then he could get us an apartment or something.

But I couldn't let him do that for me.

The ironic part? His parents hate me too. lol. But they tolerate me at least.

I know if my aunt and uncle found out my life would be over. I'd have no money, no other family to lean on, nowhere to stay. So I've had to hide my relationship with my boyfriend in front of them. I spend days and days out of the house, they said they think I'm a some sort of cokehead. Which they would prefer to me sleeping over at my black boyfriend's house.

Oh well hope springs eternal. And I hope that I can get a job soon so I can move the hell away from them. And I hope when my boyfriend does graduate we will move in and eventually get married.

Because I love him and always will. All my dreams revolve around being his wife, cooking for him, making love to him, having his children.

I'm so lucky to have found him.

Ahh anyway lol. My reality sucks I guess that's why my dreams must be idealistic.

 

That's so sweet...whatever happens you've found something that not everyone has had so i guess that's some consolation...and after four years to still feel that way!

 

I think Will Smith could give us some pretty good insight on this thread.

 

Ha, good one.

 

pop and lock I say, pop and lock

 

Good luck! The first biracial guy I dated -- I tried to tell my parents first that his father is black. They refused to meet him. The relationship lasted less than a year, but it sucked being unable to share my happiness at the time. It was as if he didn't exist.

Now that I'm dating a bm -- I have been thinking about that experience and wondering what to do myself.......but I will wait until I think its more serious. I date a lot anyway, so I try not to confuse my parents with Steve, Dave, Blake, Derrick, Joe, Sam etc. tee-hee.

 

My best friend has been a bm for almost two years now, and we've been dating for just as long. At the end of my sophomore year of college (I'm now a senior), one of my dear friends lost her black boyfriend to unknown causes. It was a tragedy for the whole school, especially for all of those close to the couple. This occured during finals, so I went home expecting sympathy for losing a dear friend and for bombing my exams. Instead, I got interrogated by mother about how my friend is a white girl and her boyfriend was a black man. She asked me if I "surround myself with people like that at school." When she saw how passionate I was about defending my friends, she outright asked me if Chris was black (I had been telling her how fantastic my new boyfriend Chris was since we started dating). When I said yes, she went apeshit and we fought about it for about 45 minutes before I left the house. Before this, my mother and I had NEVER fought about anything. She refuses to talk about it and pretends like nothing's wrong between us. I still talk about Chris all the time because I refuse to exclude both him or her from my life. When we were fighting about it, my mom gave me an ultimatum between being with him and my family. I would like to think that she was exaggerating because she was pissed, but I'm not so sure. Everyone in my family knows about me and Chris except for my stepdad. None of the older people in my family are particularly happy about it, but I can't tell my stepdad at all until I graduate from college. My mother told me that if he finds out, he will quit paying for school. I don't know if she was trying to scare me, but I don't want to take the chance to find out. Chris and I have decided that if we're still together in April and that we're still happy in our relationship that I'm going to have to tell my stepdad. Everyone will be at my graduation (including Chris's mom who loves me, by the way). I'm scared to death of what this is going to do to my family life. Suggestions? Comforting comments?