Do white women seek out black men?

Dating black men

When I was younger I used to date black men discreetly. I used to live in a mostly white suburb. Now that I am older, I am more open and do not care what other peoples opinions are. Society has changed a bit, it is now more acceptable. Can't wait til we have a color blind society. The fun that I have had behind closed doors cannot be measured. :D
 
I think many of us whoi were brought up in predominately white neighbourhoods didnt get the chance to date BM or we felt we should be discreet.
It was only when I went to study in a bigger town that i felt free to date B.M. And I must admit that is was an interesting experience being with Black overseas students. :)
 
This discussion is living proof why living in a multi-cultural environment in your formative years is perative to your development as a human being.

I have been surrounded with diverse couples, people of different faiths, different sexual orientations, different ethnicities. For instance, my day care had a multi-cultural staff, the children were Black, Latino, White, Mixed from different social classes, and religions. My favorite daycare teacher was a gay White male. IR couples was very common for me to see, and I lived in an area where there was Black, Latino, and Whites. Family friends and associates were mainly White, Black, and Latino of different faiths, professions, and social classes. I witnessed a lot of cross-cultural friendships. As I think about it, some of the closets bonds I have had with women were with White and Black women throughout my life. I never remember not being around a WW or a BW in my life. One of my best friends was a Puerto Rican girl. My first best friend was a Black male. Most importantly, my first love was a young Black man. I guess my parents, especially my father and stepmother, made sure I was exposed to a diverse environment w/o barriers that they were not privileged to have when they were growing up. Also, I was never pressured to stay within my "race" when it came to love, romance, and marriage--I was to keep an open mind, taught All people are fair game, and to love all of who I am at the same time.

When you grow up around diversity ( No this does not mean you're the only Black in an all White neighborhood or the Only White in an All Black neighborhood). It is having personal friends and family who are as diverse as the world in your life on a consistent basis--it eliminates any taboos, stereotypes, and what have you of another group. They become normal and no better or worst than anybody else. When I was growing up and seeing IR couples, there was nothing special or different about them. The only thing I have witnessed that is different with IR is reconciling different cultures, sometimes class backgrounds, and/or realizing that the both of you having different experiences in a racist society (Applying more so to Black and White couples). Other than that, there was nothing exiciting or breaking the rules to them. They were human beings, had many of the same joys and problems as any other relationship does, and that was the end of it.

I noticed a pattern among many not all of the participants on this forum--not personally experiencing a lot of diversity in their personal environment, including family, friends, neighborhoods, and schools when growing up. Therfore, these IR relationships are exciting and thrilling. Intercultural, inter-ethnic, inter-faith relationships have been around since ancient times. Rather it was done in secret or in public. This is due to the fact that we are human beings and when it all comes down to it a dick is a dick and punani is punani. As a woman, I am going to be attracted to a MAN first. It is human nature. Sometimes, my desires swing towards different flavors depending on what I am in the mood for--I may want to be with a Black man one day, fantasize with being with a Latino man the next, want to get down with a Asian man after thatt--doesn't necessarily mean I have a preference for that kind of man I am fantasizing about or desiring to date at that point in time, but that I just like men and variety.

I believe many on here is confusing what they perceive as a preference for just being people who have not been exposed to a lot of diversity and/or have been told this is not the way to go--therefore, you are exploring and discovering that side you have not been privileged to explore. Just like a new piece of candy, a new dessert, a pair of new shoes--you enjoy it, love it, can't get enough of it, and then you move on. Some still stay in the infatuation stage, others balance out over time.

The point I am trying to make, it is easier than what you think to meet anybody of a different ethnicity, faith, sexual orientation, and etc... just be open to people period. Greet people and say hello. Make small talk without the angle. Start as friends and associates first. Make it a point to surround yourself with a diversity of friends and associates. Move out of your comfort zone and beyond the Black and White and try to make an effort in putting yourself in situations where you are surrounded by diversity and you may find yourself surrounded by people who are like you--going to multi-cultural events, celebrations, and weddings, for example. Joining social or political action groups dedicated to "racial harmony". Go to different cultural centers and museums to learn about different cultures of people. Reach out to people at your local gym, the coffee shops that you go, and etc. Don't be afraid to reach out to people who you may perceive as different from yourself--just by saying Hello and offering a smile talking about the weather, the traffic, and how good the coffee or the food is can do wonders. What you will find, as I always have--when I put myself out there in diverse situations and learn about different cultures--I find myself surrounded by people who are like me--like minded. These tend to be the people who are more likely to engage in inter-cultural and inter-faith relationships and at the same time make a serious effort to respect your culture, your history, your faith, and etc.

You meet good quality people through other friends, social events, public areas and etc... more than in the night clubs or the bars. Thus, make it a point where the theme of the event or place that you go is diversity. White people who are willing to frequent places, social events, and etc... where the theme is diversity and seem very comfortable interacting in diverse situations is worth the time talking to. For instance, going to an art show featuring the works of an artist from a "minority" group, going to coffee shops or restaurants that appeals to a diverse crowd of people and whose theme is diversity (for example, I remember going to a restaurant/club/bar/family gathering place owned by two men from Africa where they had DJ's and Live musical performances from the West African diaspora (including Caribbean music, African-American music, and served West African, Caribbean, African-American foodstuffs. They had a lot of people from Africa, the Caribbean Islands, and some African-Americans and a lot of White people, including White women). Go to public festivals or musical concerts that features diverse music artists, artwork, and different ethnic foods. (No, I am not talking about White Girls who are "wiggers" who believe Ghetto and Black is synonymous and frequent Black clubs. I think that in itself is racist.)

Start off with simple conversation on a friendly level. Ultimately, there is no science of how to meet anybody. Just be open to ALL people, ALL cultures, and ALL Faiths and make a lot of friends and associates--this will definitely increase your chances of meeting who you want to meet. Also, when you have diverse friends who believe in diversity and have diverse friends as well--go to their weddings, house parties, and, if they are artists, to their small concerts--I have meet quite a few non-black men at these events who were willing to date intercultually b/c their paradigm was based on cultural, "racial", and spiritual diversity--they were more than likely to follow "the beat of their own drum". The same goes for the WW who were at these events, close friend gatherings, and etc.

In all, just be you, be open to HUMAN BEINGS, and smile and talk to ALL people, and treat them how you would want to be treated. Your life will be soooo blessed with all the interesting and good people you will meet regardless if the relationships are romantic or just friendships.

I do apologize for this being soooo long winded, but this discussion has been brought up tooo damn much. This conversation seems like this is meant for adolescents and teenagers who do not know what the hell they are doing in the world of dating. However, I must remember many of the people on this board has had little exposure to a diverse network of people. Therefore, I apologize for being very critical.

Peace and Blessings
 
PearlGirl said:
My experience has been that ww would like to be with black men, but are afraid to step out and make it known...any one have anything to add?

I have specifically sought out black men. It is my preference and so, that is what I look for. I notice almost any and every black man walking on the street or in the mall (there are not THAT many around here!) However, this does not mean that I am ATTRACTED to just any BM! I only said that I "notice" them!

Yes, it did take me a little while to fess up about my preference, since there is some social stigma associated to WW who date BM exclusively. But I have decided that I need to be happy and find what I want, rather than listen to what others think I need (ie: my mother!)

I am single and have never been married. I have been dating BM for about 5 years now and by no means am I an "ugly, fat white girl who can't get a white guy"!!! I have a profile up in a non-interracial dating site and although it is clearly indicated in my profile that I am looking for a BM, I do get many messages from WM.

So, yes.. some WW do specifically seek out BM.. and not just ones who are looking for casual sex with a black bull! I am looking for the love of my life, who will give me lots of little mocha babies and who I will live happily ever after with!!

[sorry about my lack of html savvy] :oops:
I co-sign with this - although I don't exclusively date only BM or it would be 'social suicide' as you put it only because I'd have no social life lol - there are just not that many BM in Australia. :cry: Especially single ones in my age group. To be honest, some of the brothas I do meet in my age group tend to be very conservative and old school - a real mismatch. 8)
Unlike PearlGirl, I have been married before - although not to a BM. I would like to meet 'the one' and I would prefer if he was a BM, but I am looking for someone compatible first up. I know he's out there. :wink:
 
Ever since I was 13 I know I would be married to a black man. I am not sure about everyone else but where I live you can not just walk up to a bm. So you have to try and guess if they like ww. I only get the thugs/players coming up to me and I am in to educated men.
 
WoW

I don't know if I am just color blind or what...but all the girls I know here in Va...including myself...could care less what anyone has to say that's negative about who u fall in love with. Love knows no color, and good sex is all colors and all ages. It is 2007 people, if somone has a negative attitude towards you because you are sampling all the buffet of life has to offer...then they have a problem...not you. You cannot go arounfd living your life one way because of what other people think or day. Your own personal happiness is all that matters. To hell with the haters...they are just jealous...because they are scarred to do what they want to do...and you are not.

Heather http://www.myspace.com/heather110973
 
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