Do You Prefer Being Single or Being in a Relationship?

I think some people are more happy in one or the other situation. Some people enjoy the freedom of being single and the joy and adventure of dating new people, experiencing new things, and less stress. Others enjoy the stability, dependability, romance, reliability, and constant sex of a relationship. With a relationship you KNOW who you will be spending the holidays, valentines, and new years with. But dating also brings fighting, stress, trust issues, and other drama and emotional issues.

For me I want both but I am really happiest in a relationship. I find myself in a strange cycle at times though. When I am single, I enjoy the sex with different women and being free and uncommitted, but during valentines and certain holidays i get lonely and sad and want to be in love with someone. I love being in love and having that one special person in your life that you cant wait to talk to and see everyday and buy gifts for and look in her eyes and know there is no one else for you. I am a romantic at heart like that and love this stuff.

So I see all these couples walking around and start to get lonely so i jump into a relationship. Then when I'm in the relationship, I get bored after a few months and see my friends partying and single and having fun and I want that. So i end up cheating or breaking up with her to be single, then I get lonely and the cycle starts all over again.

So my question to you all is do you fall into a similar cycle and if not, which are when you are most happiest, when you're single or in a committed relationship?

 

Usually I prefer being single, but with this guy I'm preferring being with him.

 

definitely prefer being in a relationship...i've been in one for 2 years now and i'm sure this is the only one i'll have for the rest of my life

 

This is one of the best threads I've read so far.

Good question. I would say that I change from time to time, like many people. Sometimes I prefer having fun and weighing my options, but then sometimes I enjoy not having to choose, if you know what I mean.

 

I agree, great question PeyBack.

I prefer to be in a good relationship, one where there is trust, mutual respect, companionship, and lots of sex.

However, if I don't find these things (plus more), I would rather be single. I don't settle for anything less than I deserve in a man, if I am also what he desires and deserves.

Now, I am single. I date and meet quite a bit of men. I don't do the stereotypical thing and go out and meet them in bars and clubs. I definitely do not have sex with every man I date. Actually, I sleep with hardly any of the men that I go out on a date with.

To me, it is the search for someone that I am compatible with. If I don't find that person, I keep looking. But, I do not settle for who is there.

 

Yeah, I was in that situation in summer and had a great time: the sun was shining and it felt good to be carefree without having emotional attachments, but enjoying fun dates, stimulating conversation etc.

 

i love being in a relationship, it suits me. married is the best!

 

I almost got married once...but then I made the mistake of fucking her best friend. 3 years of love down the drain. The thing is she cheated on me and I forgave her. When I cheated she didn't forgive. We eventually got back together but I could tell it wasn't the same. Her love was gone. I always prefer being in a relationship to being single but right now every girl I care about I end up comparing to the girl I was with for 3 years and she doesn't come close. I just hope I can find someone that I love the way I loved her....

 

I used to love being single, not because I was gadding about as I've never had a one night stand in my life. It's just that I've lived alone for 5 years and have always liked having nobody to consider but myself (which I know sounds REALLY selfish). When I met my man I wasn't interested in a relationship as I didn't want to be "tied down", but he changed all that as I couldn't bare to be without him.

But what I don't like about being in a relationship is becoming dependent on someone. When you have that special someone, after a while you rely on them for certain things and miss them too much when they're not around. That always makes me feel weak and a bit pathetic, which I hate.

 

Yep, feel that way too.

 

That's one of the hardest parts about being in love. Admitting to yourself that you NEED someone else to be happy and that they have a power over your happiness. You become vulnerable and many people don't like that fact that their happiness is dependent on someone else. Yet isn't it ironic that we get off on the fact that someone else would be miserable without us, yet we do not want to admit that they also have that power on us? When I was with my girlfriend of 3 years I would begin to shake just at the mere thought of us breaking up. I could not imagine life without her. I think we all dream of having someone like that in our life, that's what we search for, but we also hate the fact that there is something in our life that we could lose and it would shatter us. That is the chance you take for true love. We can't just be cold and detached and emotionally shut off and say to ourselves, "Hey if I lose my true love everything will be fine". As they say, "If you have nothing in your life worth dying for, then you have nothing worth living for".

 

Be happy first, by yourself, before you seek companionship. Needing someone to make you happy will lead to a whole lot of stress and heartache.

 

Indeed. I hate it when I see people who glide seamlessly from relationship to relationship, without letting their bed sheets cool in between. Those types are not comfortable with their own company, let alone in their own skin.

 

Trust me, I can't stand girls who jump from man to man for comfort either. But just because your man or woman leaving you would kill you doesn't mean you aren't happy in yourself. Iffy and Lucifer, you two seem like very cold and detached and emotionally closed off people who would not care if your true love died or left you or cheated on you. I might be wrong but if you truly open your heart to a person and say you want to spend your life with them, no matter HOW happy with yourself you are, you will be shattered if they leave you. If that doesn't bother you, you never really loved them or know what love is. No matter how happy you are with yourself, if you have EVER been truly IN love, you would know that how happy you are by yourself is NOTHING compared to how happy you are sharing your life with your soul mate. How can you say to me or yourself that your life would not be significantly worse after losing a soul mate? How can you ever say you love someone or say vows to a spouse if you are telling me right now that you would be just as happy with yourself and your life alone as you would being with your true love????

 

Always seems a bit disrespectful to their partner of the time as well: do they want that person, or just ANY person?

 

Do I prefer being single or in a relationship? Intriguing question, indeed. I would prefer being in a relationship if I could meet a woman who's willing to give me my space every now and then. But the problem with that is whenever you tell a woman about needing your space sometimes, they start thinking that you are contemplating going out and cheating on them. But I'm the type of guy who likes being alone sometimes. I like to meditate, gather my thoughts or just have a lazy evening at home watching the ballgame.

I know I've spoken many times about a woman I used to date who was from the Republic of the Congo, but here I go again. As I've said before, she was a great lover and a sweet person, but she was extremely clingy. We worked at the same place and since her supervisor wasn't as strict as mine, she'd always hang around my cubicle talking. Then we went for walks at lunch and break time. And after work, if we weren't with each other, she wanted to talk on the phone from the time we got home until it was time to go to bed. And on the weekends, we were always out doing something. If I mentioned that I wanted to watch a football game or I was in the middle of watching my favorite TV show, she would say, "So you think your game is more important than me?" Needless to say, despite all the good loving and her treating me right in every other aspect, I felt weighed down.

After the relationship ended, I felt free. I could do what I wanted to do and go wherever I pleased without having to explain. The sad thing about it was that I didn't want time to myself so I could go chasing skirts. I just wanted peace of mind. I missed not being with her because we had struggled against all the obstacles and people who wanted us to break up just because I was a black American and she was a native African. But at the same time, I began to enjoy all the things I couldn't enjoy when I was in a clingy relationship.

Despite my on-site freakiness, I would prefer a relationship if the woman and I had an understanding that I like to be alone sometimes and I will respect whatever pet peeves she has. If I could meet a woman who likes sports and enjoys the same types of music that I like, that would be a plus. But even if I get married one day, I still need my quiet time, too.

Peace.
_________
"We think that we are making a voyage, but it is the journey that makes us...."

 

I'm not cold or emotionally detached, but I can separate different parts of my life. I'm perfectly happy on my own, am capable of having satisfying sex without love but equally capable of being in a fulfilling monogamous loving relationship.

True, I'd be devastated if my man ever hurt me by cheating on me etc, but the logical part of my brain would kick in and tell me that I'm better off without a cheating scumbag for a boyfriend anyway. That doesn't make me cold, just sensible! Half of me would be really upset for what I'd lost, and when you really love someone that hurt would be multiplied. But I'd never settle for second best, so ANY person who hurts me can walk out of the door and keep on walking as I value myself too much to put up with crap.

 

1: Shit happens....meaning people die and shit...generally happens.
2: Just being practical. When I love, it's with all I have...and yet I have realized it's best to live in the moment. Might not wake up tomorrow.

 

Here here. Too many people think that being in a relationship means being in each others pockets. I love having time and space to myself (but that doesn't happen much now I have a baby!) and I'd never give up that relative freedom for anyone.

Me and my man have a lot of similar interests (music, football etc) and sometimes we enjoy them together and sometimes apart. If we go into the city, I might go and meet my friends for coffee while he does other things, then we meet up later for a bite to eat. Or when at home I might want to quietly read a book while he's watching tv.

I hate all this "my other half" talk - 1 and 1 makes 2.

 

I know how that feels Mosiah. I have a fave show called 24 on Fox and my girl Kristen used to hate that I chose the show over her. She would make the biggest deal out of it and it was VERY annoying. But women are strange like that and are always trying to make us prove our love to them by seeing how much we are willing to give up just to make them happy. I have to admit that there were a few things she did that I hated (such as her using the word nigger) that she thought were no big deal either. That's life and people are different. But in no way would I use that or other petty disagreements as a way to argue that my life is just as happy without her with as it was when she was with me.

Yes we all appreciate alone time, including myself, but I'd give anything to go back to the days where 90% of the time I am happy with my true love and there are a few rare moments where an annoying girlfriend who LOVES me is bothering me when I'd rather be alone. I'd rather have that than being alone ALL the time and wishing I had someone to love and to love me. How can you say "shit happens"? If your mother dies, how would you like for the cop or doctor to come to you and say, I am sorry sir but "Shit happens". LOL Wow. Does someone saying that to you after your girlfriend or man leaves you make you feel any better? Yea I don't think so. By even implying that life is remotely the same alone vs. being in love and in a relationship, completely downplays what real love is and how beautiful it is and shows none of you have experienced true love.

Answer me this, if you are so happy alone and love does not matter, why do you all bother dating anyone at all?