Fear, Jealousy and Attraction!

Three 'Emotions' that seem to go hand-n-hand with relationships. How hard is it for you to accept the fact, the one that you are seeing, attracts a lot of attention from the opposite sex? This has sent me into a spiral of thought. I have noticed within myself, I do question one's intentions more often then I would another. I have also noticed, the excitement of women when they expect there can be another women in the picture. There seems to be an sexual arousal of sorts, followed by other habitual behavioural patterns associated with jealousy.

How much of Attraction is negligible, to the fact of Jealousy? Do we inherently NOT trust a person whom is attractive? If so, what are some of the behavioural patterns associated with this train of thought?

 

Many women are not confident in their attraction to men. They are concerned with what other women will think by dating him. If another woman is interested in him, they are reassured that there is something worth looking into. The attraction is stronger simply because the woman feels that she must work harder to "keep" this man that another woman may be interested in.

 

regarding this "arousal" when there is a second woman, I would say that has more to do with possessiveness...e.g. giving the guy a lot more sex so he'll remember who he's supposed to be dating.

If your guy is totally the faithful type but is dead gorgeous, i think you worry more about temptation when many women throw themselves at him, and yeah, I've seen it happen.

When it comes to a gorgeous guy, women are as helpless as men are around beautiful women, and flirt outrageously and competitively even if the guy is married!!!!

When it comes to a more plain looking fella, I think women worry more that he won't feel attractive unless he has a lot of women "under his belt", unless he is the faithful type as well. So she's going to worry more about him directly than other women.

Have been in both situations and neither is enjoyable although probably my partners at the time might have got some ego boosting.

Now I think, ok I either trust you or I don't and if i dont' then let's be just friends, and if I do, then that's the bottom line. I dont have time to stress out over someone I can't trust.

If they mess up, then it's arrivaderci.

That's either baggage or principles, not sure which

 

That's interesting, I never go for a guy that a bunch of other women are flocking over.

It always completely repels me how cold women are to each other when they all zone in on one guy. So animalistic.

I've had a so called friend tell a guy that was interested in me that I wouldnt go out with him if he asked me!!!! He believed her because he knew we were friends and I never saw him again.

I've had women come and tell me not to talk to so and so because he was "theirs" (when they never even dated ONCE!!) and all I ever did was have one chat with the guy at work around the water cooler. That's how insane it can get. Awful.

But maybe that's sexy, I don't know.

 

I never pursue the 'gorgeous' married man - call it karma but I sort of hope that if I don't, one day people will leave my husband alone.

Generally I do pick men who other women instantly say 'ooh he's handsome' - who are pursued while we're together, before and after. There is a peculiar feeling I get from finding out either that someone else is attracted to him, or that he has had a rendezvous with someone before I met him...it's nothing to do with pleasure but a combination of painful jealousy and a strong attraction towards him wanting to keep him closer. Is that what you're talking about?

 

:shock: That is interesting and telling; haven't met many women who are that honest about attraction. How much of attraction is actually needed for a women to be secure of her attraction to an attractive man? Or are you saying ALL attraction is negligible? If you are, I tend to agree.

Crystal,

"The sight or sound of an significant other engaging sexual behaviour stimulates the brain to remember or think about sexual activities." -- Sigmund Freud.

But would you find a guy attractive if he didn't attract a lot of women? I noticed this arousal in women, it is something paramount and it often becomes completely subconscious. I think it's dangerous and women often play with fire, because it can lead to unnecessary unhappiness within a relationship.

I think you are mistaken on the concept of karma; it's not about reward and punishment, but volitional action and reaction: its effect is known as the ‘fruit’ or the ‘result’ of karma. If women are attracted to the man you are with, who attracts a lot of attention, it is up his karma on whether or not he is going to pursue on their actions.

I think it's more of a Fear and Fear is something physical.

 

I always thought Karma was something more external to the individual, moe akin to fate - think I've been a bit confused.

 

Yes, that seems to be the biggest misconception about karma. Not to get too mind numbing but the Pali word kamma or the Sanskrit word karma (from the root kr meaning: to do) literally means ‘action, ‘doing’. Think of it as a natural law, which has nothing to do with ideals from fallible beings.

With that said, we have the ability to change our karma, for instance, just because one is a player and hurts every women he is with emotionally, doesn't mean some mystical all knowing deity is going to spite him, to exact the vengeance for all those he has hurt. He has the ability to reflect his actions and see that they are unhealthy and change his views of self. Yes, PLAYERS ARE NOT ALWAYS PLAYERS and a man is capable of changing his ways for a women he deems special to HIM.

 

Umm... well my husband is quite handsome and girls notice him everywhere, however my gut is telling me that I can trust him. I know that he could replace me in a second, yet he's stayed with me for years. I believe that I've got a one-woman man. His attractiveness was something that got me hooked on him when we first met, but now it's annoying because I got used to his looks already, but other girls go gaga.

 

Oh, Moskivichka...please don't tell me that happens, your beautiful man's looks become common?!? Don't they get replaced by an even deeper attraction to every strand of hair, every dimple in his skin, every birthmark...? Or am I naive to long-lasting love?

 

I have not responded because I wanted to think more about your comment "ALL attraction is neglibible". Would you please clarify? I would like to understand more on what you are meaning.

Attractiveness, to me, is a man's presence. A man that carries himself with poise, class, style, and a bit of arrogance will grab my attention. I will proudly walk with my arm in his, my head held high, as heads turn our direction.

 

Oh i thought I answered that! I judge a man's attractiveness on my own standards, whether other women are swarming over him or not does not make him attractive if I think he is not an attractive person.

The presence of a bunch of other women hitting on a guy would actually make him less desireable/attractive.

I think it's the other way around with guys though?? I've heard over and over stories where all the guys in a room are hitting on one woman while a bunch of other available women in the same room are all but ignored.

And not the other women are bad looking either!

 

[quote="lainarain
Oh, Moskivichka...please don't tell me that happens, your beautiful man's looks become common?!? Don't they get replaced by an even deeper attraction to every strand of hair, every dimple in his skin, every birthmark...? Or am I naive to long-lasting love?[/quote]


Oh she's right she's right!!!! This is why it is so sad if only the best looking guys are hit on even if they are pricks.

Because....very shortly after you learn....

A cute prick is still a prick.

 

Possibly I did not make myself clear. I am asking whether a man who you once found was attractive becomes less attractive in your eyes because you see him everyday? Do we become immune to another's attractiveness because it is so available to us?

 

Yes, partly because of being accustomed, partly because of negative influcences in the relationship.

 

I agree with one thing u said seven...i have noticed that when other girls seem interested in me or i am seen with another woman, a certain girl might want me more or show it more once she sees she has competition. The exact same thing happened to me Friday night this past weekend when i was up in Kingston, NY. I went to see Tessa (my ex g/f) and she was acting kinda distant, then all of a sudden i meet her sister and the 2 of us start vibing and all of a sudden tessa wants me to herself and is acting all possessive and jealous...kinda loved it...2 fine ass white girls fighting over me, especially sisters LOL.

 

And more than that - the way someone feels and smells makes you feel intoxicated...the stuff that strangers don't know about them.

 

Thank you, I have to believe that also. Why be in a relationship longer than a couple of years if you no longer find your partner attractive because of "negative influences"?

Yes, you do discover more of your partner's less attractive qualities as you spend more time with him/her. However, you also discover each other's hidden gems. Not all relatioships need to make a downward spiral. Does the initial pitter-patter last for decades? NO. However, it can be replaced with an even deeper attraction.

 

I say attraction is negligible because it's not physical. I can walk in the room with a mask and a cloak and the only thing I would need to create an aurora of attraction is words and actions. Words are powerful; words are meaningful; words are physical. Words carry emotions and our actions are covered by how we feel. Attraction is deceptive and subconscious; we only correlate the physical appearance to attraction because of what we see, but what we see is NOT real; what we feel is real -- it's cosmic. Attraction is simple to understand, once you can see the multiplicity that words and actions carry.

 

Thank you. Then, yes. I agree. In fact, that is what I have explained as my attractiveness to a man.