Fear, Jealousy and Attraction!

I love that in one breath, you can talk about all sexual desire being entirely motivated by testosterone, and in the next, that attraction is mental not physical (when if we were going to follow your "biology" argument, of course it is attributed to compatible pheronomes, no?) You just pick and choose theories to suit your current argument. Instinctive attraction is sensual in every meaning of the word but nothing more.

 

You are mistaken sexual desire for sexual arousal!

 

That was the epitome of clutching at straws - jesus.

 

I was joking Lainarain. Of course the initial attraction evolved into deeper and more tender feelings. But it's not about looks anymore... that's what I meant. I don't know if I'm making sense.

 

This previous statement is a transition, with no meaning, coming out of nowhere. You wouldn't have made this statement, if I didn't say most of your blanket statements are irrational. The only person "clutching at straws" is YOU MissB. There is clearly a difference between sexual arousal and sexual desire. For instance, you can be aroused by a man's presence but NEVER act on it. The arousal may be more fulfilling; a transcendent to sexual desire.

 

I do however see that my feelings for someone else have had a very negative influence on my marriage. It came to the point when my husband could tell something was wrong. So now, not only I was ridden with guilt, but also with worry. At the same time, I'm proud of myself for being strong enough to make the right decision. I'm now recovering and trying to put my husband back on the pedestal in my life. I remind myself of all the good things about him that I love, including his good looks. After all it was him and not the other guy that made me the woman of his life. I don't know, right now is the wrong time to ask me any questions about him. Give me 6 months, and I'll be okay again and looking at my husband with puppy eyes. :?

 

I appreciate your honesty and from how you have always spoken on this forum, you are a virtuous woman. I have often been impressed with your remarks.

 

You better be careful !! Primal lusts and desires are heavily etched into our DNA and shear will-power is not going to stop all of that sexual energy from wanting to release, married or not. The primal brain or R-complex(reptilian brain) which is the seat for raw passion and sensuality has been in existence far longer than our mid-brain(personality and it's conditionings) and neo-cortex(seat of God;psychic functions and third eye(pineal gland) and it is very powerful!!The reptillian brain is also responsible for fright or flight and it signals the body to produce adrenalin in cases of danger. Unless you are DEEPLY spiritual, not religious, and meditate a lot you are always under it's control in some way; your animal nature.

 

Do not tell them that humans are biologically programmed to cheat and seek out endless passion. They will never believe you no matter how much evidence supports your conclusion. She will eventually succumb to her desires like any other human. :lol:

 

In this society most people do not know how to control or redirect their sexual energy, so they will masturbate and charge their imaginations with
sensual super-erotic fantasies with their dream-lover.

Have you ever turned around and have someone of the opposite sex just staring at you, wide-eyed as if in a trance? More than likely you resemble in someway a man or woman in his or her fantasies and the sight of you causes them to recall those fantansies. All you have to do is not mess up and they are yours, especially if you are a guy.

If any man has a good amount of sexual energy built up and it's expression is not impeded by too many toxins in the body or feminine hormones HE WILL STRONGLY ATTRACT A LOT OF WOMEN PERIOD. It may not always be the kinds of women that he wants but he will not be desperate for dates or sex partners, especially if he lives in a mid-sized to big city where his chances are greater.

 

...and to add -- the brain can spontaneously begin thinking about sexual behaviour. The brain gets thoughts by using most of the same neuron structures that are involved in performing sexual behaviour itself. Having erotic thoughts includes using many of the same nerve pathways that would be used in actual sexual behaviour. Therefore, it's no surprise that having erotic thoughts can cause anyone to become more sexually aroused and release their sexual energy though masturbation of some sort.

I see exactly what you are saying. It should come as no surprise that a man with strong sexual energy can like the fire of passion in the women he is seeing. But what does come as a surprise is the sexual excitement when she believes she is loosing grip on her man.

 

LOL! But ignorance makes life more pleasant!

 

Thanks, even though I don't think I deserve such praise. When I was still facing the dilemma, I turned to an older friend for advice. She told me about an emotional affair she had years ago (she is now almost fifty). They were both married with kids in their late thirties - and fell in love! Nothing physical happened between them, they cut contact after four months. And she felt the same way that I do now, for a while. I'm grateful to her for helping me face this situation. I also looked for support on a special forum for people in this situation, and another older lady told me: later you will realize that it's not worth it.

 

Moskvichka, you and your friend just haven't met that right guy yet. There are men out there that could take the least bit of doubt in a husband and turn it into a sexual escapade. I've witnessed it happen so many times. In some ways married women are a lot easier to bed than single women because they do not have the luxury of taking their time about the relationship because of family duties. Whenever the time arises to cheat they usually do it quick because they do not know when they will have another chance without arousing suspicion.

 

:lol: I know, I read about such escapades all the time on women's forums. There was one woman on a Russian forum who asked us if she should call him because he is not calling her. Oh and by the way she's married and so is he. But she wants some sexual excitement in her life, and her husband works too much and isn't taking care of business! She hasn't been sexual with this other fella yet, but already had other affairs in the past. And of course all the women on the forum jumped on her and called her a whore and all kinds of names, and she lazily defended herself, saying that they must all be saints, then. The women asked her, did you even talk to your husband about it and what kind of family are you anyway if you can't resolve problems between each other?? She said, well even if I do nothing's gonna change except that I'll give him a complex about his performance in bed. :?

So yeah, I read stories like that, one more colorful than the other. To each his own though.

 

The pleasure based principles tells us it's just easier to have affairs(physical or emotional), than it is to work out problems. The "self" evolves so slowly, ultimately, taking consciousness for granted and we forget that this thing called the "self" leads to a very promiscuous society and these are the times we live. Some women are just infatuated by the idea of passion they love the drama by participating in emotional affairs.

 

Very true, that's why when I speak with women than I'm attracted to I used a lot of visual imagery and sensual words to keep them in that "fantasy mode".

Another thing that I do is to find out what she hasn't experienced in life or does not know about. That way, I can show her to new things and participate with her if I know about it.. So whenever she does those things when you are not with her she will think about you because you were the first person to show or teach her. If done with enough things over a period of time, a man's face will be permanent fixture in her mind. If you two break up, and she is with her new boyfriend and he decides to do something that you two have already done before, she WILL remember YOU and the first time she done that with YOU. Especially if it was a particularly romantic evening when she was with you, then along with the mere memory of the evening, the sensually feelings that she felt that night with will be recalled.

This is not fullproof because it doesn't work on many older women because with age comes experience and she's likely done a lot more that the average younger man. There are even younger women who have done a lot of things because the have an adventurous spirit. But those are not very common.

For more jedi mind tricks.....stay tuned!

 

edited

 

That is fairly ingenious but only works to a certain degree - one of my exes was very gregarious and I did a lot of things with him which I hadn't experienced before (climbing mountains, a long stint of travelling/backpacking, romantic trips to France etc), so when these things come up I do think of him - but don't miss him because attached to these memories are the memories of why we broke up in the first place!! :lol:

 

:lol: I have also used my study of men and women to "sway" someone towards me (or away from me). My study on what is means to be a woman most often is from spiritual works (Christian, Jewish, Buddhist...for now). I also have a very basic understanding of psychological/sociological theories. I prefer to study more traditional works and usually read feminist works with caution. They have given me insight on the similarities and differences between men and women.

I admit to being quite deliberate, at times, with what I say and how I move my body in order to influence a person I am with. However, I am not so bold to outline it as you have done, diamondlife.