Hello All, crazy new girl here

M

MMGMTD

New Member
I am totally new to this, new to interracial dating as well and just a LOT lost with it all. I'm a white southern girl dating a black man. I introduced him to my parents for the first time this week and it was a disaster. I was basically told that I'd be a disgrace to my fathers name if I was seen with a black man... that he is not allowed at my parents house... that the rest of my family would not accept him so there'd be no family function for us... etc. I dont understand how people can be so ignorant. I thought the point was always that as long as Im happy, they are happy... oh, wait, that was just with white men I guess. I am happier with my new guy than I have been with anyone in a LONG time and I refuse to give up. I am hoping that once everyone starts to realize how happy he really makes me that they'll come around to the idea. I would really love to hear from people who have been through this and get some advice. :)
 
I certainly do wish you the best MMGMTD. I am the male counterpart in a relationship exactly like yours. My girlfriend of over a year had a very similar reaction from her family. They have pretty much disowned her and made it very clear that they don't ever intend to support her or us. All I can say is that as an adult you have to live your life and discover what truly makes you happy... thats something your parents can't decide for you. As for us, I think her parents discontent towards our relationship has made us grow even closer to one another. Even though it gets very difficult at times, we recognize that we have to support one another because it is clear that the family support we'd like to have may not be there. If you ever want to talk to someone, you can certainly contact us... believe me, I know how hard it is!
 
Sorry to hear that MMGMTD. I hope that everything works out for you and your BF. I also want to commend you for dating whomever you please, regardless of their skin color. I truly believe that situations like this is a major reason why it is so hard to get an IR relationship going in many places. Many WW and BM don't have the courage to step out there; mainly because of fear. I know for a fact that it is difficult where I live. There are several WW that I am friendly with, but that is basically where it ends but oh well. That's why I'm glad I recently found this site. Now I know that I am not crazy for feeling the way that I do.

Again, stay strong and always follow your heart!!!!!
 
I am sorry to hear about you family, but that happens more often than not when a WW dates a BM. The family, who says they love you and want you to be happy, doesnt really completely mean that--if it is not the person they want.

If you are an adult, you have lead by example. Ask your BF if he minds not coming to family functions. Dont go to many of the family functions if you can help it. Dont be defensive and argumentative with your family, just walk away or leave when they start to insult you or your guy. What you dont say is as powerful as what you do say.

if you act like you are deprived and want their approval they will withhold it, but if you act like an adult and dont worry about what they think--they will be forced to respect your individual choice.

Ghandi said, "we must be the change that we want to see in the world" meaning, if we want things to change we have to change, and be the example of positive, anti-racist change.

God Bless you and my prayers are with you
 
MMGMTD said:
I am totally new to this, new to interracial dating as well and just a LOT lost with it all. I'm a white southern girl dating a black man. I introduced him to my parents for the first time this week and it was a disaster. I was basically told that I'd be a disgrace to my fathers name if I was seen with a black man... that he is not allowed at my parents house... that the rest of my family would not accept him so there'd be no family function for us... etc. I dont understand how people can be so ignorant. I thought the point was always that as long as Im happy, they are happy... oh, wait, that was just with white men I guess. I am happier with my new guy than I have been with anyone in a LONG time and I refuse to give up. I am hoping that once everyone starts to realize how happy he really makes me that they'll come around to the idea. I would really love to hear from people who have been through this and get some advice. :)
Click to expand...

I'm getting that Deja Vu feeling all over again here...
 
bmanz said:
Many WW and BM don't have the courage to step out there; mainly because of fear.
Click to expand...


I know for a fact that it is difficult where I live. There are several WW that I am friendly with, but that is basically where it ends but oh well. That's why I'm glad I recently found this site. Now I know that I am not crazy for feeling the way that I do.
Click to expand...


Again, stay strong and always follow your heart!!!!!
Click to expand...

If you think about it, this all kinda goes without saying.
 
tuckerreed said:
I am sorry to hear about you family, but that happens more often than not when a WW dates a BM. The family, who says they love you and want you to be happy, doesnt really completely mean that--if it is not the person they want.

If you are an adult, you have lead by example. Ask your BF if he minds not coming to family functions. Dont go to many of the family functions if you can help it. Dont be defensive and argumentative with your family, just walk away or leave when they start to insult you or your guy. What you dont say is as powerful as what you do say.

if you act like you are deprived and want their approval they will withhold it, but if you act like an adult and dont worry about what they think--they will be forced to respect your individual choice.
Click to expand...

Wiser words haven't been spoken.


Ghandi said, "we must be the change that we want to see in the world" meaning, if we want things to change we have to change, and be the example of positive, anti-racist change.
Click to expand...
 
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