Help with online dating??

I've been trying online dating for some months, but i'm not having much success. I'm currently subscribed to singlesnet, true.com, american singles, and i was subscribed to afroromance.com, but i canceled that membership because i wasn't getting any responses from there. That's my problem, it doesn't seem like any cute girls are ever interested in talking with me. I get flirt messages from so-so looking girls, but not from the types that i'm looking for. I mean, some of them are good looking, but they're also atheists (no offense to anyone, i just totally believe in God) or they're really into partying and living it up. I'm pretty young, but i want to be married by the time i'm 25, so i'm kinda going into serious mode right now, and i want to meet somebody of quality.

I would consider myself a pretty handsome guy (at least a 7 on the attractiveness scale) and i have an awful lot going for me, but i'm either not getting responses when i send out messages, or i'm getting messages from girls that i'm not interested in whatsoever.

I know that the really pretty girls must get hundreds of messages per day from guys who are even better looking than i am, and who have money (i never mention how much money i earn on any of the sites) so what, if anything, can i do to stand out more, and get more messages from girls that i'm actually interested in??? There was this one girl (a young white girl), i think she was about 18, and she kept messaging me and asking me if i wanted to chat sometime.

I wasn't really interested in her, but because i felt like she was being genuine in her interest, i decided to send her my e-mail address. A little while later, she sends me a message saying that she's unsure about the whole internet dating thing, and then i never hear from her again.

I mean, what gives?? I think that older adults might be more serious about finding a partner, and thus, won't have any problems actually talking to a person online, but with the girls my age, it seems like they're only interested in sending flirt messages back and forth, and when you actually decide to subscribe and contact one of them, they get cold feet and back off. It's almost like they think you're a stalker or something for wanting to talk with them. :shock:

Do any of you guys have any experience with internet dating, and some helpful advice that i could use to my advantage??

 

Maybe you need to revamp your profile and make yourself sound more fun?

Do you have a good pictures of yourself on those sites?

How many do you initiate contact with? Is it often, or do you usually wait for someone to contact you?

 

Bryant, you are on an IR site why dont you try the IR Personals here just click on the button .

also

www.interracialsingles.com
www.blackandwhitesingles.com
www.interracialmatcher.com
www.interracialmatch.com

 

Bryant wrote,

My brotha, DO NOT RUSH MARRIAGE AND DO NOT RUSH FINDING A DECENT GIRL. I cannot stress that enough and I know from experience. I am 27 and I don't see myself marrying for at least another 5 years because I want to be well established in my financial state and career before going on the hunt.

I want you to chill bro......You don't want to make a timeline of when you will find that perfect woman, marry her, then have kids because 10 times out of 10, your plans will fall through because life is not that simple. You as a man have plenty of women to choose from (women population is always doubled that of men) and you have plenty of time because as you grow older and more mature, you will have more to offer to a relationship as far as knowledge, wisdom, and financial backing (crucial). Providing that you keep yourself in GOOD (emphasis on GOOD) shape, you can date, marry, and have kids as late as 50-60 (don't wait that long if you can help it though )
Time and quantity of women is where men have the absolute advantage. Women are usually the ones who want to marry and have kids by 40, or somewhere along those lines.

This doesn't apply to all women though....(ladies, don't kill me)

Tuck is also giving you good advice. Only go on dating sites that appreciate diversity like the ones Tuck listes. Another one to add to the list is

www.qiran.com

This is specifically for people dating interracially of Christian beliefs, muslim beliefs, Buddhist beliefs, and all other beliefs. If you are looking for a wholesome, spiritual girl that shares your beliefs (and you can search girls by beliefs) then qiran.com is a good place to start.

Hope I helped,
Peace out

 

yeah i was thinking the same thing about how young you are. Nilan gives you good advice.

I think now even women are less likely to want to marry until they are in their upper twenties and more than likely (if they are smart) early 30s.

If you are looking for something so serious right now, you just might be scaring the ones you are interested off.

Enjoy life.. Date to have fun and if it turns out it gets serious, its one thing but just go with the flow and enjoy life.

I was thinking too on my drive in today (after I read this earlier) that you shouldn't lose heart too on the online sites if you don't get a response from every one you contact. I gotta tell you I am on blackenize romance and I don't even have a description on there and I get a ton of smiles and emails. I think women get bombarded with contacts from guys. I took my picture off last night because I want to slow down some of the contacts volume.

That was why I said you might want to take a look at your profile. With that much competition out there... well.. you need an edge..

 

Write a unique and friendly introductory line: "Looking for hiking partner" or "Seeking a Shipmate for Sailing and More"

Post at least two current photos: Photos significantly increase responses! Try at least one close-up and one full-body shot for the best results.


Use a positive tone: I love to learn and meet new people. Life is an adventure and I would like to share it with someone special.


Keep it simple: Keep your descriptions light and avoid demanding checklists in your essays. Try listing only three things you desire in a mate.


Write short essays versus a book: four or five sentences is a good goal. Save the details for your dates.


Add a little humor: I can laugh at my mistakes. Are you a Letterman or Leno fan?


Include a fun hobby note: I need someone to distract me from the piano. I love to travel and tend to take too many photographs.


Add your marketing pitch: What makes you unique? Try listing only three things and make them catchy (everyone is smart, outgoing, and fun - how are you different?)


Show interest in the other party: Enough about me…tell me more about you.


Be confident versus boastful: When you show confidence in being you, it is the biggest turn-on. The trick is not to be boastful in your delivery.

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_perfect-profile

 

The description you gave of your experience regarding online dating contains several reasons why I usually stay away from the Internet dating scene, plus, it's not my bag...

and, since I know very little about online dating in comparison to the other posters who gave you advice in here (as well as distrust it myself) you should go with what they tell you, especially Sassy. To me, she gave the best advice of all.

 

QSSassy, i do have a few pretty good pictures of myself i think. One is a close up, and the other two are body shots of me. I know what you mean though. I only respond to people who have at least 2 photos ( i need the second photo for confirmation purposes you know). As far as initiating contact, that's the part that i'm getting frustrated with. Whenever i try to do the contacting, i get nothing, so i get tired of doing it. Sometimes i get flirts from girls, but because i'm not doing the selecting, it usually turns out that i'm not a very good match with the girls who are flirting with me.

 

Hey tucker, because i am open to dating interracially, i have tried all of these interracial websites that you mention here. There are some really attractive women on there, but the girls my age, it always seems like they're either into the thuggish black guys, or they're really into drinking and getting "wild and crazy."

 

Hey Nilan, i don't necessarily want to rush marriage (as i'm pretty skeptical towards it to begin with due to the rates of divorce nowadays) but i do want to find that "special partner." You know, a girl that i could really connect with and have a good time with. I know that i should wait until i'm 30, or close to it to get married, but i'm afraid that by that time, i will have aged, and my youthful look will be diminishing. You know, i'll start losing hair, etc.... I'm 22 right now, and the last girlfriend i had was when i was 17, so i'm getting pretty ansy, and i want to meet somebody of quality sooner rather than later. I wish that i was better at approaching women, but i'm always afraid that i might say the wrong thing and be humiliated or something. With the really attractive girls, if you screw up your initial approach, you're toast. You've only got one chance with them to make a good impression, and i'm always concerned that i might mess it up. I really freeze up with girls that i like. That's why i thought that the online dating would help, because it takes away some of that initial fear because we've already spoken, and i know a little bit about her before we actually meet, if we do actually meet. I'll check that website out though, and see what it's like okay.

 

So how do you go about approaching women Sardonic?? What have some of your experiences been like in finding the right women??

 

Then why do so many of them say that they're looking for a serious relationship/long-term potential?? If they just wanted to date around, i would take their word for it, but a lot of them say that they're looking for something serious and meaningful as well.

 

Bryant, I guarantee you that if you have looks now, you are still going to have them in 5 yrs when you are 30...

Don't worry about your looks!

Most important is how you feel about yourself. If you have self confidence, the rest will glow..

 

I hear you QSSassy. It's just that my youth has already partially been blown (definitely no success with girls in high school), and i definitely don't want my twenties to be blown either. You know, i want to give a woman some of my youthful years. I also want my woman to be youthful when i marry her, and then later on down the line, if we grow tired and ugly, at least we'll grow tired and ugly together right. :lol: I just thought that it was best, if a person is going to marry, to marry in their mid twenties/late twenties so that they're giving that other person some of their best years before they start peaking. To me, it's almost like a gift, giving another person your youthful years you know.

 

I normally just allow myself to run into women that I would be interested in, try to make a move on her, and then take it from there and see what happens.

 

Man, i wish i had the courage to do it that way Sardonic, i really do. :smt009

 

It doesn't hurt to try.

 

The last time i approached a girl, it was i think, about a year ago. I used to go to the library to use the computers (because i didn't have a personal computer until now) and one day while i was on the computer, i saw a really, really good looking latin girl staring right at me. We had eye contact for a good 10 seconds without looking away. It was very nice. :wink: Anyway, i didn't approach her right then and there (i know, i should have) but i eventually got around to it.

Well, one day i caught her buying some food out of the student center cafeteria, and i approached her, and i asked her what her name was, and if she would be interested in hanging out some time.

She told me her name, but of course, i had waited too long to approach her, and it was too late by then. Getting rejected wasn't the most embarrassing part, the most embarrassing part comes when i have to walk past her on campus, or when i see her in the library.

Sometimes, when she sees me approaching (and i'm not approaching her, i'm just casually walking by) she covers her face up with a piece of paper, like she's trying to hide herself from me. Okay, so you're not interested, i understand that, but to hide your face every time i walk by....it just seems really ridiculous, and it makes me feel like i made a big mistake by even asking her out in the first place. It's just little things like this that make me a little more hesitant each time Sardonic. I don't know what to do. :smt102

 

Hi Bryant, I've tried/am trying online dating too - without much success. Like you, I'm looking to get married (when I find the right sort of person), and to a Christian who shares my convictions. Problem is, that I am interested in WW only. Last year, I joined www.relationships.com (formerly www.christianmingle.com), with hundreds of nice WW, but the problem is not that I don't get hits (views, winks, smiles, mail etc.), the problem is that most of the hits I get are from BW (even though I've clearly stated that I am interested in WW). Most WW on the site prefer white (like themselves), or latino, or sometimes native American, but hadly every black :-( .

It seems that a white Christain woman that wants a black Christian guy is an oddity :?

 

Yeah GraphicsRat, i'm glad you brought this point up. Sometimes i get an e-mail in my inbox asking me to check out a christians singles website (i too am interested in finding a christian ww) but what's really odd is the fact that almost ALL of the christian ww only want to date white guys. I wonder why?? The non-christian women it seems, are the ones who ARE willing to date black men, which i happen to find weird. Christians are supposed to be accepting, and open minded, and loving of all people (just like Jesus was), so why is dating outside of their race such a big deal to them i wonder??