Help with online dating??

Thanks Bryant you are too kind....making me blush...

 

Nilan gave some great advice..

not sure if I like the go out of the US for women comment.. but I know he's right.. there are women in other countries that are definitely less racist and headstrong too..

however.. there are good christian women in the US too.. so don't' give up on us yet..

 

Sassy's right....but I think you should look in North America....there are some Canadian girls out there and we are basically americans.....same type of people....happy hunting :wink:

 

lol.. girl I lived so close to the Canadian border.. I see little difference between you all.. and me.. eh?

 

LOL.....nobody can ever tell the difference. I only live 45 minutes from Oroville,Washington. I live in a little town called Summerland. It is literally Hickville, USA...
We sound exactly the same and nobody ever asks where are you from. Even in the south they assume you are from the NorthWest......LOL....I LOVE AMERICA!!! :wink:

 

Bryant wrote,

Glad I could help out bro. and I am going to give you further advice on your approach to women. But before I go any further, QSassy and Alessandra, you two are just sweethearts and I could just eat you both up. :smt056 Both of you are really gems. And Sassy is right, there are plenty of christian girls here in the U.S., but going abroad is more of an eye-opening experience. I had a family reunion in Canada (Niagara Falls) and it was eye-opening in itself.

Alessandra, do you have any sisters like you? If not, you better watch out, because I am thinking of making a trip to Summerland to scoop you up and have you to myself....Ahhh man, I just remembered, you are attached so I can't do that. :smt017 :smt012
Oh well :smt102 , stay sweet girl, and tell your man that he better treat you right because if
not, your boy (nilan) will scoop you right away from him :lol:

Alright Bryant, I'm truly glad that I was able to help uplift your spirits, I will now take it a little further and show you my approach to women. Now keep in mind that I can only tell you so much because this is an open forum and if I said everything outright, it would give ladies an advantage. (SORRY LADIES, I STILL LOVE YOU :smt058 )
So you want to know how I know this stuff huh? To be honest, I am still learning the ways of womanese my brotha, and it is a never ending saga. Women are such beautiful and complex beings that I could never give you all the answers, but I can give you some. Like I said earlier, I didn't start seriously getting women until a little over 2 years ago (it was also when I met the individual who I referred to as sensei in my post, "Ladies, I need you")....It was a fateful day that changed my life...But that is another story for another day.

Now on to lesson 1:
Bryant, if you are nervous about approaching girls and want to ask girls out on dates it is easy......

You must treat them like your guy friends, and don't ask them out on dates......
:smt017 Confused? Let me explain. This was hard for me at first because you are looking at a woman that you like.

You see for SOME girls, to hear the word, "date" come out of a guy's mouth that she does not know is very scary. So you must first lower their defenses enough for them to allow you in and for them to know that you come in peace, and at the same time make that deathblow move to get the date before you/or her ends the conversation.

Dating is like a tactic game of chess dude.....

I am going to show you how I save face if she is attached and how to ask her out without asking her out. When you talk to them, talk to them about themselves, how life is treating them, and what they do for a living. In my experience, this usually gets them talking uncontrollably, I then wait for an opening. The opening I wait for is usually when she mentions something she likes to do. Like if she says, "I major in phsychology, but I would rather like to be doing something else." That's when I ask, "How would your family and boyfriend feel about that?" I put family before boyfriend because it throws her off mentally if you ask about family first. This way you find out if she has a boyfriend in her life, and even if she does, never abruptly end the conversation because she has a boyfriend. You will give yourself away, follow me? Just keep talking to her and if she doesn't have a boyfriend, say something like, "you should join me this weekend for this or that." And take it from there........

Sorry for the vague explanation, I would have said much more but I can only say so much......
Key thing to remember though is that this is a situatuion where you want to use your edge a little. But if she likes you, you won't even have to use your edge.

Bryant,
One thing I want you to remember is to only like women that like you first and a lot. A woman that likes you WILL (9 times out of ten) help you out to the point where you might not even need to use your psychic edge, meaning she will give you deep eye contact, maybe touching, or whatever. You waited too late on that latin girl. If, when you are talking to her, she doesn't give you positive signals, then move to the next girl. Like I said this is a filtering process, you will have to leave your ego at home bro. because it WILL be a fight.

Ohhhh, and Tuck is really good at this stuff too. He is probably more knowledgable than I am about the ways of womanese.
Let me know if you need any other advice....

PEACE

 

Nilan! you make me blush! Sorry I have 3 brothers but I don't think you swing that way hun... :wink: But there are lots of gorgeous ladies up here. Black men are so rare that if one is seen the girls just stare and all head straight for him! There is so much love for bm up here! So if any of you gentlemen are looking for some fertile ground for ww hunting...Summerland is the place to be!LOL....it is true!

I will pass the news onto my man for you...... :wink:

 

Nilan Nilan Nilan.... share more.. self sacrifice for Bryant here....

besides.. we women like learning a thing or two as well..

heh heh

you are very smooth..

 

Yes "enlighten" us please oh great nilan!! :wink: rayer:

 

As a woman, I can tell you this is GOOD advice Bryant ! :smt038

Nilan, you are such a fox !!!! (of course, since you ask her if she has a bf, the intentions are pretty clear to any girl hmmmmmmm.......)


Just, while it may be great for the beginnins (and making a move right away is just as good, depends on the woman and the man involved really), my advice is to not overdo the friends thing too much.


I've had married men, men in relationships or simply men I wasnt in the least attracted to, play the "good friends" game with me, only to let me know at some point much later what their true intentions were, and it's not nice, plus, the guy wasted his time too if you think about it.

Don’t wait too long to show u like her more than as friends, (as nilan said, you can do it in a light way, little jokes and innocent flirtation) because she might get used to you as a friend and put you in the "friends" category, and when you do make a move on her, it might be too late and come too much as a surprise, or she might have never been attracted to you in the first place and sees you as .........a friend.

Yeah………… :roll: :smt045

 

Ladies, ladies, ladies,

Thanks for the compliments, but you girls give me too much credit. 8)
You see, I am still a grasshopper :smt026 and am still learning the advanced ways of womanese as well as the ways of the dark arts :twistedI will tell you what the dark arts are later).

Bryant, are you still with us? :smt006

Anyway, Seychelles made a very good point about the friends thing and not waiting too long to make the move. Which brings up a good topic:

:evil: THE CONFOUNDED FRIENDS GAME :evil: (Thanks Seychelles :wink

NEVER, EVER allow yourself to be a pawn in the friends game Bryant. That's why I told you to do both lower her defenses (to let you in) and ask her out (without using the word "date") in the initial conversation to kill two birds with one stone. This bypasses all the BS and the friend stage altogether. Sure, you might be somewhat of a friend in a way that you are getting to know, but the point is to not stay in that range for more than a week and that she knows that you want her for more than a friend. Dude, when it comes to making a move on a girl, you are on the clock and you have to move fast. This is a chess game and it's all or nothing. If it is a girl you want Bryant, then you want to make your move right then and right there.

Now like I said earlier, you want to observe her body language because girls will let you know if they like you. If she is giving you the green light with eye contact, touching of the arm, etc. then put the petal to the metal and get her. If she is not as receptive, but is still listening to you, then give her a shot. But don't prioritize the girls that don't give you warm signals over the ones that do give you warm signals. Go for the ones that like you.
If this girl is an object of your affection, you want to avoid being her friend longer than necessary because you then become her psychiatrist, her trash can, and everything else that you don't want to be. She will come to you about problems she is having with her man, but she will never consider you boyfriend material. Now don't get me wrong. I am not saying don't be friends with girls. My point is if you see a girl you want to date, use my technique. If you see a girl you don't want to date then just be you and mingle with them anyway because one of those other girls could introduce you to someone that you want to date. So try to be nice to all girls, even the ones that you are not physically attracted to. :wink:

 

Yep Nilan, i'm still with ya :wink: I just wanted to let that wonderful fountain of knowledge that you possess sink into my brain for a minute, then i could get back to posting. :smt080 Okay, here's where i'm at now. There is one girl who has an unwavering interest in me for whatever reason (as i really don't give her much of a reason to like me) but sure enough, she does. She's my cousins best friend, and because her and my cousin are moving in together now, i'll probably be seeing her a lot more than i have before.

But here's the problem.....i reeaaally want to date interracially. I'd still be open to dating a black girl, but my heart, and my TRUE desire is to date women of other cultures and enjoy all that they have to offer. I just can't bring myself to tell her that though. In no way am i ashamed of the way i feel, as i would gladly tell anybody who asks me, but i don't want to hurt her feelings by making her feel like she's not as good as white girls or latin girls or anything like that you know. It's definitely a weird scenario, as i have an opportunity to have a girlfriend, but i just can't go through with it for some reason.

I've been trying to buy myself some time so that i could make up a good excuse for not wanting to take her out, but they've all been pressuring me a lot, telling me how great a catch she is and everything. I agree with them, i think she is a great catch, but man, i just want to date interracially so bad. Do you guys think that i'm making a big mistake by passing up on a pretty decent black chick , just so that i can wait and see if an opportunity to date interracially comes along??

 

I'm gonna try my best not to ever get put into that friends category. I hear it's like purgatory :smt096 in that it's hard as heck to get out of it.

Once again, excellent advice. I ought to fire that darn David DeAngelo for making me pay 50 bucks for everything that you're teaching me right now for free, but in a way that i can actually understand it. What a joker that guy is. Anyway, i can count well over a dozen times when i've made not good, but GREAT eye contact with REALLY attractive girls, but never even attempted to make a move on them. After a few weeks go by, or even a few days, that look that she was once giving me is soooooo far gone it's ridiculous. It's embarrassing for me because i was actually foolish enough to think that they'd still be interested after that kinda thing. :smt009 I guess they feel as though, if i didn't have the courage to approach them right then and there, when the signals are crystal clear, that i never will, so they just move on. But i agree with you sensei nilan, i should learn to make my move much faster the next time i see a girl who might be interested. :smt045

 

Bryant

I would hate to see an awesome catch like you with someone you didn't love regardless of race. If you aren't interested in thsi girl you need to be straight up with her. I have rejected good looking men of other races to wait for black men to come around, which here are few and far between. But you need to tell this girl quickly and don't let her have any expectations. You don't want to hurt her. Just tell her she isn't your type. And if you want to date interacially hold out! I always believe that God has a plan for everything and He must have a purpose for you being more attracted to white/hispanic women and wanting to date interacially. Personally I would just tell your family she is not your type and maybe not say the details....unless they know. Stick to your guns and follow your heart Bryant! I am sure this girl is awesome and a wonderful man out there will be great for her.....if you don't feel its you then you shouldn't date the girl. It is unfair to both of you. Cus if she's with you and the right man comes around for her and she rejects him cus she's with you....it could happen! So be yourself, stick to your guns, follow your heart and always know, because i know finding a ww has been a challenge, that God puts us through things that make us stronger and prepare us for our futures. He won't give you any more than you can handle. So have faith sweetheart! :smt058 for good luck :wink:

 

Alessandra.....that's awesome advice your giving. I don't want to hurt her feelings at all, as she is a great girl, and she does have value, but if i lie to myself about this, i'd only end up being miserable and unhappy. Not that i couldn't be happy with a black woman, because i guess i could, it's just that i want the latter so much more. Wow, you rejected really good looking guys just to wait for a black man?? You were able to do that because you got to a point where you knew for sure (100 percent sure) about what it is that you wanted. I feel like i'm finally coming to that point as well in my life. You know, when i finally know for sure about what it is that i want. I'm still young, so i could be wrong on a lot of things, but i'm pretty sure about this. I know that there's the road that everybody else is traveling (where people stick to their own race even if they find somebody outside of their race attractive, just to avoid criticism) but i think i'm finally ready to travel that narrow road in order to just be happy Alessandra.

By the way, i cannnnooottt believe how sweet you are. On all of the dating profiles that i ever fill out, i always write the same thing where they ask me what i'm looking for: i always tell them that i'm looking for somebody who is attractive, but who is also VERY sweet, and you Alessandra, are BOTH. :smt058 Thank you. :wink:

 

I'm not familiar with that part of Canada. Is that a small town?

 

yes its 1 hour from Oroville, Washington. Just drive straight up lol..its on the west coast...BC

 

This website does seem to have a high-volume of attractive white women. More than any other site I have seen.

Perhaps that's why I'm a bit leery of it.

Anyone else have any experience with blackpeoplemeet?

 

I'm curious as well. I'm trying the internet dating scene, but haven't found very many good sites with members who are into interracial dating.