It all makes sense...

I'm one of those guys who always tried to do the right thing and respect woman etc.... all i ever got for my efforts was shit on. I was talking to one of my buddies about a recent problem i had with my newly ex-girlfriend and and he sent me this article...
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html

It's a very intrueging perspective. I'm a bit bitter at the moment but I was wondering what you all might think think?

 

I liked that. I've always believed guys cannot be "friends" with girls. Never works. I've found that out the hard way.

 

I'm going to disagree say that men and women can be “just friends” even if the woman is attractive.
I think part of the problem is in how we think in terms of attractive and sexual desire.
I'll say that just because you find someone attractive or sexually desirable does not mean your object is to sleep with them. So I think the concept of “men can't be friends with attractive women” is somewhat flawed.

As for that web site, I call - BuuullllSheeet on that.
Some of it makes sense but overall it seems as if the person/people behind it had their agenda in mind before they did their “research” into male/female relationships.

Breakups are hard but bitterness does fade in time.

 

Aaaaaaaaaagreeeeeeeeeed!
What a bunch of BS. I'm sick and tired of this primitivism being promoted as the height of development of humanity. I once read a quote by a smart woman about staying friends with an ex. She said that it's only way for truly civilized people to part, no matter how painful. If you truly loved the person and not just your love for them. But usually, breakups/divorces are as nasty as can be. People will be people with their shortcomings, but let's not make it humanity's common denominator. :roll:

 

hmm...that was a very interesting, and funny :lol: series of charts and graphs about men and women. i absolutely loved how he tried to make it sound so scientific. i'm definitely gonna have to bookmark that one...hahaha. i'm sorry, but i would personally have to agree with the part that says if a man finds a woman attractive, they can't "really" be friends. well, they can be conditional friends just like the guy is saying, but "real" friends, i don't think so. i can most definitely be just friends with an unattractive girl..piece of cake, no problem right. but if the girl is HOT then i'm afraid that there is a problem...lol. you would never "hookup" with a real friend, but if you were friends with a really attractive girl, and a situation arose where the two of you could possibly hookup, then most any guy would jump at that chance. therefore, she wasn't a "real" friend in the first place, but she was a conditional friend that the guy was just patiently waiting for an opportunity to be with. of course, this may not be true for all guys, but i personally know that this is definitely true for me.

 

Very amusing, but highly unscientifical.

I think men and women can be friends. I have mainly male friends. It's all about comunication, and I don't comunicate as well with women as I do with men. Men are more relaxed and fun to be with, and they are much less "bitchy".

I've always been like that. Even though I've never been a tomboy, I used to be the only girl who the boys would let in on their games. I remember playing StarWars ,and when some other girls wanted to join the boys would say " No we allready have a girl, so we don't need for more"... I was princess Leya If they where playing StarWars wthout me, they would always save the postion of princess Leya for me. Perhaps it's because I grew up with only brothers (didn't get a sister before I was 13). ..

 

Single men are only friends with women they are not attracted to. If a single man finds a women attractive he'll try and get with her. If she denies him they become friends...

TRANSALTION: He'll attempt to wait her out!

The woman holds the key and the lock to friendships between the sexes.

A married man should not have any lady friends...

 

The Attraction.Can mean and Women.......

:? Yes, a man and woman can be friends, and I don't think it's just based on whether or not the woman would accept or reject the man's advances.
If you truly love a person whether male female, or otherwise, you will also respect the boundaries you've set both for yourself and with respect to the other person involved.We may be the highest form of animal and very sexual, but we also have an intellect.
I think a man who truly loves his wife and is faithful can have a female friend.Maturity is a big factor here. Let's not use the lowest common denominator of human behaviour as the yardstick.Of course sexual attraction is natural along with sexual behaviour, but that doesn't mean grown men and women cannot value a platonic, nonsexual relationship as well. Just my .02. I feel very talkative for some reason today.

 

Wedlock

I completely disagree. It's instinctual if you are a single guy and find a women attractive to see where you stand with her. Do you honestly think if Halle Berry, Gabrielle Union, Jessica Simpson or Anna Beatrice Barros beagn working with you at your job and was friendly towards you, talkative and polite you wouldn't think about seeing where you stand. C'mon! First it's lunch, then it's drinks after work, then it's dinner!!!

As for a married man you are only fooling yourself if you think you can and should remain friends with women while you are married. The first rule of fidelity should be "Never put yourself in a position to fail.


By remaining friends with women while you are married you do just that. Marriage is hard work, with ups and downs. What happens when you hit a rough patch and now you want to go to happy hour to talk about it with your "Girl-Friend" one never knows what can happen. I read and know of plenty of stories of exactly what I am stating. Maintaining fidelity is being mature and realizing you have to make changes to continue to make your marriage work and never put yourself in a position to fail.

Recently where I live a talk show host stated a guy she had been friends with for two years blurted out during lunch that he was infatuated with her and wanted her. She stated she was speechless and had no clue and wasn't interested. She was blasted by callers that stated she ignored all the signs and why did she lead him on. This could all be true about her but if it isn't what woman have to know is guy's will lay and wait for that moment, and wait and wait and w a i t.....

It does not matter if they have game or not and I am not talking about game like "Yo baby you must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day" game. The game I am referring to is the kind that requires you to listen, be insightful, be thoughtful this works when the woman does not even know it. While women go through their emotional 360's we plot........

 

The Attraction.......

Malik true, I disagree, respectfully. I think that if I truly value the people you named as friends, then they can be. Marriage takes hard work, but if you had friends before your marriage, your spouse is capable of respecting that. I'm certainly not fooling myself because I see friendships everyday like this.
You have to be mature and set boundaries, and be responsible for your actions, but again, I have a head.......on my shoulders that I'm thinking with also. I'm going to use that when I decide how I conduct myself, and not the one below.

 

So Maliktrue - after a break-up and the sexual curiosity has been taken care of- do you think there can be friendship?

 

Wedlock

I am assuming you are married or involved? Would you have a problem with your wife going out to dinner with her male friend from time to time? Say 3 to 6 times every 3 months?

Don't take this the wrong way if you don't your are crazy and setting yourself up for disaster..

 

Well, for one think I'm a woman so it wouldbe husband. I'm just thinking of a guy I was dating that I really liked talking to, he had a unique point of view. I wouldn't mind seeing him every once in a while, say every 2-3 mos - just to keep in touch and talk. But I have NO sexual interest in him at all. So I know I could be trusted, as far as by man worrying about the situation. But I suppose your point is that my ex is the party that can't be trusted?

 

The Attraction.

Malik:
What I'm saying is that there has to be boundaries that the husband and wife agree upon, or else why get married? But if a potential wife was really friends with another guy before we got married I'm not going to say stop being friends. That just seems so selfish and insecure.All I could do is trust my wife.Ordering her to cut off all other relationships that were important to her before our marriage is just plain wrong in my book.
There is a way to do this, and that's through honest communication.If another man made me feel like my potential wife was going to cheat on me, then I guess I'd tell her how I felt.Vice versa as well.I say it has to do with how we decide we're going to act.If I am married already, and Halle Berry or whoever starts working with me closely, I'm still a married man.Now, we can be good co-workers, and possibly be friends, but I'm still married no matter how you slice it.If I break the marriage vows, I can't just say it was "instinct," like it wasn't my own doing.
To some people that may sound corny, but still today I know females that really are my friends and nothing more.You'd be surprised that when you start seeing women as people first, rather than sexual opportunities, how good they can be as a friend.That's just how I roll, my brother, just my .02.

 

fnnysmrtprtty

Personally I feel if you are still friends with him, you may still care for him. Why not move on? Women have male friends because they either cannot get along with women, or to gain some insight on men, or they dig him and will send the signals. If it was a sex thing and you know he's still interested in you and you are no longer interested in him, move on. Don't leave him out there like that.

Is his unique POV worth your marriage or boyfriend? Are you sure there isn't something else about Jack? This is a guess, I don't know your situation currently but I do know when a woman's relationship with her partner is prosperous there's no time for anyone else let alone another guy every 2-3 months. You are too busy harvesting your investment...

 

Can a single guy really "just be friends" with a woman?

Simply put..... NO

Male friends are like vultures patiently waiting for a relationship to die. If youre single they will simply wait a while for an opportunity to fuck you(while simultaneously warning you to steer clear of other possible men)

I think it is possible to start off as "just friends", but if the man is not involved at the time youre "just freinds"...he will eventually start falling for you(or at least hitting on you)

The only exceptions are if:

1. The man does not find you sexy, in which case he might not even prolong the relationship
2. The man is happily taken
3. The man is gay

There may also be some other spectacular situations that I am not aware of (after all miracles do happen), but this is clearly how things usually are. I mean, the only female friends I maintained to this day are African women that share something in common with me. We share a joke or two, and reminisce "the good old days", but these are not just female friends to me, as I see them as being more like "sistas" for the most part.......white women on the other hand, I hardly see myself being "just friends" with one, as we'll barely have anything in common, unless said white woman is African.

 

This is an interesting thread to me because my best friend is male and he's hetero. We have a ton of history together and he knows me better than my own family.

I do agree with you, BlackMasterJay, in that there are an awful lot of "vultures" out there. However, it's ME who gets to decide how successful they'll be when they swoop down. In my opinion, it really is about boundaries, as Wedlock stated. As a single woman, I get to set my boundaries. In a couple, my partner and I set the boundaries.

Malik True, you are right when you write that if I'm friends with a man, I still care about him. Just something to think about: caring about someone is sometimes the reason to move on and still, or eventually, be friends.