Ladies do you prefer your man to approach you or vice versa?

I'd like to know what the WW on this board prefer when it comes to dating.

Do you prefer to be approached by a BM, or do you rather want to be the one who goes and chases him?

I realize that a lot of this will depend on timing and context, but in ideal circumstances, which do you prefer?

It can be hard to gauge whether or not a girl likes you, because she may be shy and not convey her interest. Or, on the other hand, she may just be too polite and give the impression that she thinks you are hot - when in fact she doesn't.

But it has always been of particular interest to me whether or not a woman actually prefers to go over there and talk to a fella, or if she wants to be approached herself by the fella.


This all goes hand-in-hand with how aggressive you expect a man to be in the dating game. Obviously very few women will want a guy to drool all over them, but I get the sense that women also don't like a guy to be so afraid of talking to them that they basically never do.

 

this thread is similar to the one I started in the Ladies Room.

My view on this can best be expressed by this quote:

Who should pursue whom?

A related issue is also just below the surface: the woman-as-aggressor. Most women really want to be the princess in the tower. They want the young man to go out and slay the dragon and rescue them. That's the fairy tale that we all grow up with, and it's deeply embedded in our culture. When a woman starts chasing after a man, the man is disoriented. He thinks he's chasing after her, and it turns out, she's coming at him. What happens is that he turns around and runs the other way. A man can become disoriented and frightened. It's not what he's expecting. He's expecting her to run away. He's supposed to catch her. If she's running toward you, what do you do? It kills the game.

But then there's the whole idea of slaying the dragon. This is really about courage. The man has to have the courage to pursue a woman, to call her up and ask her for the date. What if she says no? Well, you have to do it anyway. Take courage. It won't kill you. Slay the dragon. But if women are always calling him on the phone, he never gets a chance to exercise his courage, so it just sort of sits there in an infantile, undeveloped stage because he never had to exercise it and make it grow. And he figures, ?I don't have to know what it's like to put myself out and pursue a woman. I don't have to figure out what it's like to call a girl up and ask her for a date and worry that she's going to say `no'. They call me!?
At another level, women want to be pursued. When they do the pursuing, it can be because they are afraid that they won't be pursued otherwise. In other words, ?If I run away, he'll just let me run, and I'll get lost, so I've got to turn around and run toward him. Otherwise, it's not going to happen.? There's a certain lack of self-confidence on her part. Even though she appears so ?assertive,? she is really lacking in self-confidence. She will also be feeling resentful toward him because she has to do the chasing. ?You should be chasing me. I shouldn't have to chase you. And yet, you make me chase you! I had to propose to you. I had to run after you. And I never got a chance to get wooed and won. I had to do all the work, and I'm mad. And you'll pay for it later!? These issues are usually just below the surface, but sometimes they come up to the surface and have to be dealt with. Women chasing men is a negative phenomenon. It's a good thing that women are put on a pedestal. It's a good thing that the man pursues the woman. Deep down inside, women want this. Any ?woman's movement? that attempts to bring women down to the ordinary level is a diminishment.

http://catholiceducation.org/articles/sexuality/se0017.html

 

Moskvicka,
I agree 100%. You're right on target with what you said there.

 

And here's an even simpler way to put it, by an advice columnist named Amy Alkon:

"Women should really, really flirt their heads off, and they shouldn't ask men out," she says. "If a guy isn't man enough to get over his fear of rejection and ask you out, he doesn't deserve to go out with you in the first place, and then you'll be the 'man' in the relationship the whole time.

"It just doesn't work that way. There are roles and we play them, and it's fun. My boyfriend's the boy and I'm the girl."
http://www.tucsoncitizen.com/entertainment/calendar/102005ca_dt_bad_dates_advice

 

Moskvichka are yoiu married or single? I had the impression from reading your past posts here that you were married, but perhaps I'm wrong. Possibly you're just dispensing advice to the single ones here.

 

I was married until recently. But I'm not dispensing advice, I'm just answering XXX's question using other people's quotes. I just find them to be very true, even in my own life.

 

Well what you expressed are spot on. I read another one the other night and it was good too (about dating as well). Sorry to hear about your divorce.

 

I prefer to be approached everytime. Having given what I hope would be the correct signals, flirting, body language etc, if the guy doesn't see or feel the signals then we are not connecting.

Good luck
S&T
xx

 

Completely agree, I don't like to approach men but I can certainly flirt my behind off if I see someone I am interested in. I want to believe that I am easy to approach (provided I am interested) so he should have no problems talking to me.

 

Moskvichka - I like those quotes! Things just seem to flow better when the guy is doing the chasing. Look at MistressB and how her guy came around when she backed off and he was able to be the aggressor again. I hate dating games and head games, but this is one that seems to hold true.
Guess the guys just have to man up and come say hello! :lol: But yeah, I agree with Chi and others, if I'm interested I'll usually let a guy know it would be welcome.

 

I'm new here.

I'd always prefer to be approached (in a respectful manner).

 

I'd rather be approached. Not to be conceited or anything I'm just not into that kind of thing. If I was approached I wouldn't deny him or anything. Unless he approached me with a "yo ma can I holla at you for a sec". there's alot of guys like that of all types and I hate that line. at least be a little more decent.

 

Same as I said on Moshvichka's thread, I'd prefer them to do it. I need a guy who has balls and gumption anyway, because I'm a strong willed, stubborn old bitch, and if a man doesn't stand up to me, I'll walk all over him. But I'll flirt like heck and make it easy enough for them to know whether or not I'm interested. If I'm interested : they won't be too sure on a first meeting and there will still be a little mystery, but they will give it a shot. If I'm not: it is so palpable it's almost embarrassing. There won't be any mixed messages for the guy. That's my return for them being gutsy enough to come over and make the effort.

This is mostly because I am terrible at reading signals from guys, so it's best if they approach me. And anyway, they secretly like it 8)

 

I prefer to do the aproaching.

 

I like for a man to do the honors thank you. If I see a man I like I will put myself near him... I will smile... I will say "Hi" as I make eye contact passing him on my way to the ladies room. He will know I'm interested but then it is up to him to show me that he is interested.

deb