Ladies, which of these qualities do you prefer in a man?

Okay so I'm going to come up with descriptions of 4 different qualities that you might find attractive in a man. I'm going to ask you to rank them in order of importance to you.

These qualities are designed to be very general, so try to think carefully when you put them in order.

Your ranking should go from 1 - 4; 1 being the most important, 4 being the least important.


The 4 qualities are:


1) Cleverness.

This is not to be understood as academic "book smarts", which is why I chose the word "clever" above "intelligence". Cleverness implies a certain amount of street smarts, being resourceful and able to take care of oneself. It is also the ability to socialize and blend in with a crowd i.e. having emotional intelligence. The cleverness also connotes linguistic skill - in other words, being a great talker and effective communicator. It indicates the ability to solve problems (both practical and metaphysical - good at puzzles, for example). Finally, it hints at the ability to be creative... to write poems, create music or design things of beauty.

The character type of this man will be charming, a good conversationalist and pragmatic. Basically a smart cookie (with what the description above does for you).


2) Handsome.

This is only in relation to the facial good looks of a man, not including the rest of his body.

What you should be thinking of here is your preferred type of face... or what characteristics you think design a good-looking face. Try to think of people or celebrities whom you find handsome, or who really do it for you. A guy who you just have to look at once or only has but to smile in order to make you weak in the knees.

Also, try to base your attraction here purely physically. I know a lot of women who say they can't get excited by how handsome a man is until they get to know him. So what I mean is, a guy who when you simply stared at, gave you the shivers.


3) Athletic body.

This is only with respect to a man's body, not including the face. Think about it. How many times have you seen a guy's waxboard abs and gone "oooooooooooooooooooo... yeahhhhhhhhhhhhh......." ?

Taken a look at a well chiselled torso that took your breath away? Or maybe it was another part of his package that did it for you......

But all things considered, try to think of your complete male body package. Try to imagine what it's like to have your ideal male lovers hands touch you... what his body feels like against your skin.....


4) Strong & tough.

This is both mentally and physically.

Strength implies the ability to protect , to keep those dear safe and to take care of someone.

Strength in a man means that he will be able to shelter you, to shield you from those who mean you harm. It also means the ability to get out there and struggle against the odds to succeed. He is able to take ACTION and provide for you, and other men are in awe of him and listen and obey in his presence. He will be a leader, not a follower and he can enact his will if he so desires.

Toughness can be thought of as a type of stiff resilience. To be able to absorb all the negativity channeled at you and still be standing. This is a more emotional quality than strength. It's not something that can be assessed externally, but occurs internally within the man.

This quality makes for a man who can withstand immense tragedy, but carries himself with pride and dignity. He can be hurt, but always comes back fighting. It's not that he is emotionally cripple, it's just that he can be your rock when he needs to be.




Okay so there I've basically outlined 4 different qualities in a man. Just to explain a little further, two of them haven't really been described with such depth - these are the qualities regarding LOOKS (Body & Face). This is because I feel they are fairly straightforward to understand - you either like a particular face or body; or you don't.

However when using terms such as "Cleverness" or "Toughness", they appear to be fairly vague as to the meaning. So what I've tried to do is give a brief insight into my thought process of how they should be defined.


As always, try to be completely honest. Try to think which of these qualities really captures your imagination when meeting a man. To be sure there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying that you think a handsome face is the most important of these 4 qualities. If you cannot do without being physically attracted to a man, then please answer so.

 

This is an interesting topic, XXX and I like the way you have grouped certain characteristics.

So, for me...

1. Body
It does not necessarily have to be athletic, but body does come first. It is what attracts me to a man. If there is no physical attraction, then we will remain only friends. If we are talking about a potential life-partner, then for me, the physical attraction is #1.

2. Cleverness
I like how you have chosen to identify this trait. I hesitate between this an strength for #2, but ultimately a man's cleverness, intelligence, communication skills, resourcefulness and charm are what make me respect him and admire him. For me, how someone's mind works is extremely important and when I find a man who's mind I admire, then it makes him all the sexier.

3. Strength
Although I do consider this trait important, I do not see is as important as the first two, since I am a very strong woman and I know that I would be able to take the lead in a couple, if I had to. That being said, I to like strong men - in fact, I like people with strong character in general. I cannot stand ppl who are "wishy-washy"!

4. Handsome
I have put this last because out of the 4 traits that you've identified, this is the one of least importance. I have found in the past that if a man has the above 3 qualities, he does not have to be the most "handsome" man on the planet for me to like him and to find him sexy. He becomes sexy TO ME, and that's all that matters. Although I like the look of certain "handsome" men, I have also fallen for men who were by no means GQ models!

So there you have it... those are my preferences.
Are you going to psycho-analyse me now???

 

Ok, here's my ranking:

1) Handsome - for me I really have to be attracted to a man and for me the face comes first before the body as you will notice in my list. The face is the first thing you notice about a person. I am a sucker for a great smile and nice eyes.

2) Cleverness - I like a man who is good at communicating. Communication is important in a relationship. Also, someone who is a creative type and can appreciate the arts, because I am an artist myself. Someone who is a good problem solver and knows how to take care of himself is also an important quality to me.

3) Strong and Tough - I like a man who will protect me and who I will feel safe with. I like men who are tough in that they don't let anything get them down, who stay positive and are resilient. I find that a very admirable quality in not just a man, but in anyone.

4) Athletic Body - yes, I won't deny it, an athletic, toned body is very easy on the eyes, but it is not something I really find important. As long as the man takes care of himself and is healthy, that is what matters to me more. He does not need to have washboard abs for me to be attracted to him. I would rather have a man with a handsome face and just an average body type than someone with an ok face and an athletic body.

 

1. Strength
That's what always attracted me about black men first place, this unique, inimitable combination of strength and sensitiveness, of thoughness and vulnerability, and the ability to carry himself with pride and dignity even if things are getting tough. But it's absolutely necessary that this characteristic is accompanied with a certain degree of

2. Cleverness
Clever enough to choose his battles wisely, clever enough to know that words are more effective than fists or weapons. Someone who knows that communication is one of the most important things in a relationship with your partner and people in general. I love to talk the night away with someone who is able to challenge my worldview and opinions, and who will surprise me with his own ideas and his open, flexible and creative mind. That's more attactive to me than

3. Handsomeness
eventhough, he has to have this certain "something" which is so difficult to describe. It can be the way he smiles, a certain facial expression, the way he makes you feel when he looks at you. But soft lips are definitely a must, just like I prefer the softer body types over

4. Athletic bodies
because they are not so nice to cuddle and to have sex with. These hard waxboard abs might be nice to look at, but they make you feel like bouncing against a latex wall. Also, I made the experience that men who are busy each day with torturing their bodies with machines, diet food and steroids often lack the sensuality necessary for uninhibited, exciting sex.

 

I like this list a lot, and I like how you worded things. I would also add a fifth one - a good heart. For me, it would go first, and the rest - in the order originally presented.

 

Good post Silvercoma.

And I am sticking my hand out....nice to meet you.

Black Tiger

 

Ha ha!

I actually contemplated putting another 5th quality on my list - and believe it or not but it was going to be "goodness/kindness".

However, I decided against it as it was wayyyyyyyyyy too easy and obvious that many of you girls were going to put it near the top of the list. So I deliberately left it out. But good pick!

 

Thanks. I was actually sweating I wasn't descriptive enough in the first post. I appreciate the complement.

 

Let's go out on a date. You sound like my perfect match

 

I have tried about 4 times to post to this thread since it was put out there... something keeps coming in my way but let me try again

Mine are the same order at Silvers..

Strength comes first because in my opinion it is what forms a man. If a man has strength things are going to flow around him. He's going to have his head together and know what he wants in life. And if he loves his woman, he'll take care of her. Strength also will allow him to know that if his woman loves him, he will let her care for him as well, secure in knowing that it does not take away his strength from him to allow her.

Cleverness because it is part of his intelligence. He knows when things need to be serious and he knows when to see and allow humor in life. A clever man is never boring to be around. He has depth of soul as well. I think a clever man also takes time to listen, not just to words but to his other senses as well. He will pick up on things others will not.

Handsomeness, I won't deny I am a sucker for handsome face. I just do not allow myself to prioritize it first. One of the most handsome men I ever dated (face and body) was the ugliest underneath. So while I want to enjoy gazing into that handsome face that makes me melt to look in his eyes.. I need to feel good about the qualities already mentioned first..

Physical body, this really is last on my list. I've dated slim men, over weight men, men that worked out at the gym for hours daily. Sure, a guy can have a body that gets double takes as he walks by, but how does he treat his woman? I care a lot more about how he treats me. Now, if a man has self confidence issues because of how he feels his body looks, then there issues.. but if he is ok with how he is, feels good about himself, then I'm happy with how he is.

The most important qualities to me are self confidence which can be found in #1 his strength.. and empathy for others. I can't stand someone who is self centered.

 

Hello BlackTiger!
Nice to meet you as well! I look forward to interesting discussions with you!

 

Another important quality: a sense of humor!

 

Strength and cleverness would be a tough pair for me to chose between. I like strength of mind, and focus, determinedness. But also like physically strong and emotionally strong men. But I also need to be able to discuss, and converse with an educated man. I think cleverness would just slip into first place, just slightly

Handsomeness - but it would only have to be for me........ beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Physical body would have to be on the chunkier side, i like men to be built like men.

 

Silver,
I see your stock on the rise... 8)
Post more.

 

The older I get the more I realize that looks are not the most important thing. Of course, there has to be mutual attraction and I'm not blind, I do like a good looking BM! However I no longer settle for "hottness" only, there has to be something behind your shell. So removing that mysterious physical attraction factor, my top four would be....

1. Integrity
Do what you say, say what you mean....a man who deals with people in an honest and respectful manner, no games or BS. A man you can trust, one that you can count on.

2. Sense of Humor
This is important to me because I have a great sense of humor myself, and tend to find something to laugh about in all situations. Also, it has been my experience that men who don't have much of a sense of humor also take themselves a bit too seriously. I like someone who can laugh at themselves as well as everyone else! :wink:

3. Strength
By this I mean strength in a couple of ways: Strength of character (someone who knows who he is), physical strength (you have to be able to pick up all 135lbs. of me :lol: as well as help me move the couch LOL) and also strength of self....you may have been through some hell in your life but you've come through it and its made you a better person. You're not still sitting there in your pity puddle blaming everyone else.

4. Purpose
Along with knowing where you've been...know where you are going. A man with goals (however humble) who is actually doing something to make them happen. Even if that means your goal is to do your laundry once a week and you're actually doing it, good for you! This also falls back in line with my integrity requirement I guess.

If a man has all these things....and is easy on my eyes! WOW!!!

:shock: