Looks OR Personality vs. Looks AND Personality

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I feel silly getting into a disagreement with a girl on YouTube about a video related to this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPzaQkt1u10

I'm pretty sure that most, if not everyone, here wants a partner with both appealing personality and looks. For the longest time, however, particularly as a basis of many gender battles, the prevailing wisdom was to value personality instead of looks. It's one thing to want brains OVER beauty, but the desire for one INSTEAD of the other seems unnatural and outlandish to me. If you are going to appreciate and love someone, it should be for their whole, not their parts. Personality is simply part or piece of someone (significant and more frequently defining, yes), but nonetheless only a part. In my quarrel with this girl, she was implying that there is some shamefulness acknowledging a woman's good looks or appealing body parts. Perhaps this depends on the girl, and in some cases the guy, as to how we feel about this. My fiancee would be offended if I only wanted her for her mind (as brilliant and lovely and sophisticated as it is).

PLEASE...I DO NOT WANT TO START A GENDER BATTLE. I am just curious about your opinions on this issue. How many of us prefer personality instead of looks; how many need both in order to feel a true bond?

 

I need both to feel a true bond. I prefer looks first but if the personality is awesome I make exceptions. If the looks don't turn me on at all its a no-go.

 

If a guy has an attractive personality, then I'm more willing to let the looks slide a bit; but if he's good looking and has no personality, he has no chance.

 

I don't think I could fall (and stay) in love with someone I though was downright ugly. That being said, I absolutely prefer personality over looks. I met my boyfriend online, and fell in love with him before I knew what he looks like.

 

Good looks with no personality or an ugly personality doesn't go anywhere with me. I want someone I can have conversations with. I've been attracted to men who have amazing personalities, and not much in the looks dept. But, there has to be something in their looks that attracts me, even if it's just his smile or his eyes.

But, for long term relationships, I need to be attracted to the person, and he has to have a good personality. And if he's a bad kisser, forget about it - my attraction goes away immediately.

 

A great personality that shines through will always make a person look good to someone.

But since physical attraction leads the way, unless you meet their personality first which is either by phone or on the internet with a "no picture shown" profile, and even still whatever their look is will become what you will develope an physical attraction. Physical attraction will always be your main source though, because it is apart of your sense of sight so it goes you sense then feel, while mental attraction goes feel then sense which is backwards, but can work, just not the way sense then feel, physical attraction works because once one sense gets going then they all do, plus your senses are the closest signal to your hormones.

So in a way you need and is going to be physically attracted to someone because it is apart of using your senses. That is why people with preferences are not always shallow or racist or self-racist and nor are they if they describe with detail and passion about their preferences, it's all in the senses and how they work.

 

meh...personality will do nothing during sex. I mean, sure she can make some witty comment while i hit it from behind, but what man in his right mind wants that??....Id rather have a sexy bimbo, that will stay put while i bone her in all positions with the lights on....

But if i want a seriouse relationship. Then we'd have to click mentaly. And her personality has nothing to do with mental clickability. As long as she can hold a solid convresation and looks like she just walked out heavens gates.....we good....

 

Personality and looks....


I'd rather have compatibility and appeal.

And to be honest, why have a subjective standard? Meaning this.

Some say the looks make the difference initially. Not necessarily. Depends on where you're looking. And who is to judge on looks. OK I know a Scarlett Johansson type is gorgeous. But that's maybe my type. Or your type.


To me I could be running my business. Have this new secretary I never noticed. And she may add something in a meeting or give a tip or some advice that's extremely intelligent. And I had never even noticed her all the time she was there. Now for me intelligence is extremely attractive. I could see a hot chick and if she's dumb, or annoying no go.

And beauty is still subjective. I like artsy, smart women. And that's almost always personality driven. A lot of times a woman can hide herself in what she wears, or just not stand out.

For example people may have said Tilda Swinton was so pale and ugly at the Oscars. I've always had a crush on her. Janeane Garafalo has a personality that's attractive to me that makes the rest of her hot to me.

I do like the Plain Janes as well. And people neglect the fact that a great personality can propel someone with average looks to near perfection.

 

Very well said Jake. I can meet an extremely good looking guy -and if he is dumb-or has no personality-(I might think about it for a second)- I can't date him! But if I meet a guy and he is average looking and extremely intelligent- & a good personality-that does it for me!

 

rubix-cube intelligent..or lego blocks intelligent

or perhaps he's able to distinguish between desert and dessert

:wink:

 

That's it for me. He has to be able to spell. :lol:

 

seriously, intelligence/intelligent is such a vague term, when you apply it to the type of person you are looking for..

there are so many areas of it, yet so few actually make references to specific parts of it, that they would like to find in a compatible mate..

Ever heard the story of the Doctor, who was very good at what he did, but was unable to do something as "simple" as screw in a lightbulb

:wink:

then again, after seeing the amount of zeros on his/her paycheck, lightbulb insertion would probably be the last thing on your mind

 

what women look for is emotional intelligence. Sure you can be a rocket scientist, and know everything about sceince and other "intelligent" things. But has physics and science ever been something the average woman is good at????..no.....real talk

The same about sports---you can be a know it all in sports,,and most women wont find you irresistable

But try being a guy that "understands" her "feelings" and see just how far you'll go.........i'll take a strike at it,,and say you'll go "very" far...HAH,,,,i dont give a fuck about a bitches feelings....thats why she got her female freinds,,,and that weird gay guy that she keeps talkin to

 

Wow... It's hard to believe you're single.

I wouldn't want a guy that's mushy and sensitive all the time. I've got my female friends, like you said, to talk about that stuff with. But, at the same time, I don't want someone that's all NFL, cars, and Playboy all the time. I think some sort of mix would be great.

By intelligence I mean, Idk if other women feel this way too, someone with some higher education.

 

does high school count as higher education

and does "higher education" have to take place in college

:shock:

follow along with me on this one..

i'm fooling around

 

Agreed. Intelligence is very subjective and there are so many areas of it, that it is hard to pinpoint exactly what kind of intelligence I'm looking for specifically. My ex-husband, for instance, is a genius with mechanical things. He could look at something he's never seen before and figure it out and make it work without blinking an eye. And he never went past high school. I found that so amazing. I could never do that. My brain doesn't work that way. I remember facts - my brain is a giant sponge for useless information - I'm very good at trivia games and such. LOL! But, because of that, I can carry on a conversation on just about any topic, because I know a little about alot.

So, which intelligence is better? Neither one. Which one am I looking for? Probably, the more book smart kind, who can also carry on conversations and knows a little about alot - like me. I thrive on being able to talk about a variety of topics.

But, really, I guess you just know it when you meet a person if they're compatible with you in the ways you need them to be.

 

I do agree intelligence is subjective. I myself am turned on by someone who is extremely intelligent-very "brainy type". Yes a great looking guy is fun to look at-but the brain is just as stimulating. And for Black master jay-you may not give a fuck about the bitches feelings-but someday you will fall in love and yes-EVEN YOU- will give a fuck about that bitches feelings!

 

I prefer personality...but there has to be something there to make me give her that second look. Not saying that she has to be a "10" but I don't want someone who I am even ashamed to go to the corner store with.

 

Hey Pinnacle, sorry i'm late on this man, but wow, you're engaged now huh! i remember when you told the board members about this particular lady when you first met her. that's so cool. congrats man! :wink:

 

Thanks a million, Bryant. It's quite a rush, I tell you. I still can't believe how this goddess makes my heart race.