Made a Desicion

I am seeing other guy tomorrow. I am going to tell him that I am not going to abide by his ultimatum. I need more than 2 weeks to decide what to do with a 20 year marriage. If he truly loves me, he will let me do this when and if I am ready.

In terms of my marriage. I am going to tell my husband that I am moving out for a while after our oldest goes to college. We have issues to work out and that I can't while we are living together. I am going to tell him we need to go to counseling and rebuilt the marriage, or end it.

Take my advice and NEVER let passion consume you. It not worth the price and those of you who are in a committed relationship, don't let your guard down. Anything can happen.

 

BRAVO! Bosoxlady...that is the right thing u r doing...No ultimatum, from no one...and taking time to clear ur head!! "Me is proud of u ma`am "

Well, passion is a great thing...it`s probably bcoz we let it die that we end up lowering our guard...but like all good things it is to "control" to avoid the OD!!

Good luck with everything...u have a good heart, keep ur head up and face the challenges ahead with confidence!!!

 

I think that moving out of your home is a good move.
Also cooling it with your side guy is also a good idea. I think it is time that you reexamine your life and the things in it.

For better or worst you are married to YOURSELF .

TAKE CARE OF NUMBER 1,

then go back to your relationships with honesty.

 

work it out with the hubby and get rid of the guy that is good

 

Good to see you decided to drop the stink pickle :wink:
Now, like I said in the other thread before I found this one.....stop torturing yourself, be done with the angst of it all. Doing the right thing (which ever the right thing is for you) always brings relief in the end.

Sugar

 

Well- I told him I was not going to hold with any ultimatum and that he has no right to give me one. He said that if I loved him, I would leave my husband. I said if he loved me, he would wait for me to decide. He said it over and walked out of the bar.

I am actually doing okay this morning. I think a shot of Southern comfort on the way out of the bar helped.

I still l plan on telling my husband in the late summer that I need to move out for a while. He has agreed to go to counseling. I think I want to make it work with my husband. 20 years is a long time to go down without a fight

 

See folks that's why you don't sleep with married women,not judging but in my book it can only turn out bad. I look at it like this you should separate or divorce before you go messing around with other men or women.

 

the thing with loving or being in love with a married person is the relationship is always on their terms not yours, so it's not equal by ANY stretch of the imagination.

For people considering a married lover, keep that in mind. They have two partner options and you have only one.

 

ooooh that was 111 posts

 

i wonder if it is ok to be cheated on by a lover or boyfriend, especially when one doesnt like to be judged for his or her behaviors. If it is ok for one to cheat on their husband, is it ok for their boyfriend or husband to cheat on them? would that be acceptable behavior. I am lost in the new age relativism of dont judge me and there are no bad behaviors as long as it feels goood to me

 

I have learned through my affair that cheating happens for a variety of reasons and is often the SYMPTOM as opposed to the problem.

My affair brought out problems that we under the surface. The next step is to deal with those problems.

In terms of being judged, I have no problem with it. I Accept and acknowledge that my affair was wrong. If my husband does end up cheating on me too, then I have no right to be angry as I did the same thing.There is a difference between moral relativism and owning your mistakes.

 

Good call.

 

Yes, very good calland yes moral relativism and owning your mistakes are opposite ends of the poles. Moral relativism says, "Do unto others becaouse hey I want to and no one can tell me its wrong" while owning ones mistake says, "look there are problems I must deal with, I have to sit down, understand where I took the right and wrong turns and get back on track" Sometimes things cant be patched up, but I think getting at the root causes of adultery helps--sometime you need time to think things through, but jumping into another relationship often makes it blurry, ya know. Bravo to you!!

I dont believe judging a person for who they are is right, but judging behavior is another thing.

I am sure if you got into a relationship that you liked alot, but found out that he was cheating on you, you would be angry and hurt, as most people would.

Cheers to you

 

Yes are are right. If I was in a relationship where I had been the betrayed person, I would be hurt. I was referring to my case in particular. In marriage counseling when the affair comes out, if my husband decides to have an affair, I would have not right to be angry as I did it first.

 

Just an update- Hubby and I are in MC. No longer seeing other guy, but miss him like crazy. Talk to or see him through H once a week or so. It sucks. WE are both in pain. Don't ever cheat .

 

that is great and i will be praying for you

 

Good to know, bosoxlady. Best wishes.