My date

I've been talking back and forth with a guy I met online for a few weeks. No, I'm not usually one to get involved in things like online dating. My doctor actually recommended it, when I told him about how unhappy I was being back in my hometown, didn't know anyone anymore, etc. I never planned on being back here. Probably everyone knows this by now, but I went to the city (an hour from here) for school, had my apt. robbed which really made me feel unsafe there, and ended up coming back. Since then it's been a real struggle. My bf and I of over two years split up around late fall (when I came back). I've been in and out of crappy jobs that I can't stand because that is all there is here, and am now trying to get back into the Columbus area. I browsed through some personal ads from there just to get an idea of the dating scene (I hadn't been single and looking when I was there before). I hit on a profile, the guy saw that I did and requested a pic. I sent him one, and we started talking.

Now a few weeks later, we're going to meet. I'm nervous about it, even though it's just a casual lunch. I don't know how to date. Do I offer to pay for mine, or do I let him pay? Is there a rule on this? My last relationship was kind of different in that he was much older than me with a high-paying job and insisted on paying for everything. This guy and I are more on the same page agewise and financially. That will give us more to talk about having that common ground, though he's better off than I am. I'm afraid that he's going to see me as a loser because of my recent bad circumstances. I have a degree, am intelligent and capable, though you'd never know that given my current state. I actually intended on shaping my life up more before bringing anyone into it. It's not that I expect great things to come of this given what my life has been like lately, but I would like a friend at least. Sigh, I guess I'm just looking to vent a little here, and ask for some dating tips.

 

Follow your heart.
If he offers to pay- cool.
However on a first date with someone over the internet - I'd pay for my own if it were me.

Don't think you are. Know you are.

 

Hey Masey, we all have rough times. I'm sure he will understand. It's the bad times that toughen you up, after all.

I can understand your nervousness. Make yourself look pretty, smile, be a good listener but don't appear shy and you should be fine. I'd offer to pay, but if he says no and wants to pay for you, I wouldn't refuse.

Have a great time and I know you'll wow him!!!

 

Well, my date didn't go too well! It was almost quarter after 10 (we were supposed to meet at the mall at 10), and me being really conscious about time calls him to make sure he wasn't at a different entrance. He replies that he'll be there in about 10 minutes. When he gets there, he doesn't apologize for being late. That kind of threw off the whole thing. I hate being late and hate it when others are casual about time - I almost got in a wreck trying to get there at 10 and was afraid *I* was going to be late. He was ok, but really quiet. I couldn't figure out if he was having a bad time or was just very shy. He also looks different from his picture - he has a bunch of little acne scars or freckles or something. Not that that's a big deal, but he just looked way better in his picture than in person - I don't think he's 5'11 either! We finally sat down for coffee after shopping awhile and had a good conversation. As we were leaving, he said to give him a call and he would save Sunday's local paper for me (I'm looking at jobs in the city). I don't know how to handle it from here. I'm used to the guy saying that he will call me, and he usually does if we hit it off.

But now, what to do... I'm unsure at this point if I want to see him again. I guess the time thing wasn't a huge deal and he seems like a nice guy, but I don't know... I just wasn't feelin it. Guess that's what happens when you meet someone this way - just don't know what to expect. I think the online dating idea was good in theory because I'm not really a bar/club person. I'm not in Columbus either which makes it difficult to meet people there. If I move there again, I'd like to meet people there first - it will make me more comfortable with the area. So, my date wasn't so good, and I'm hesitant to try the online dating thing again. I paid for a month and it will be a waste of money if I don't, but maybe I should just concentrate on getting a better job, getting an apartment here locally first. I think if I got a job in Columbus, I'd meet a lot of people my own age, but it's a two-edged sword because I don't know anyone up there, and am uncomfortable going up there again not knowing anyone, with my bad experience last time. Anyway, sorry about my long ranting - just wanted to give an update. Thanks for the advice and support!

 

Masey, internet dating is like any other kind of dating...bar dating, speed dating, etc. you'll meet people that you're really into, and you'll mee people you're not. Don't knock it after one bad experience. There's lots more fish in the sea.