christinasapp
New Member
Hello everyone. First of all...i'm a white women....19 yrs old. Here's my situation:
I got my first kiss from a black guy my age at 15. i had the BIGGEST crush on him for a long time. we have been through alot together since then. We never actually dated until a couple months ago after graduation. so for like 3 years we just "liked" each other and we made out a few times here and there but no one ever knew about it. it was always so secretive. we went to a very small christian school so word travels fast and we didnt want the pastor or our parents to find out that we were occacionally making out. During this time i have had a white boyfriend that everyone knew about....but no matter what i do i cant seem to stop liking this black guy. so i broke up with the white guy after graduation because i wanted to see if the black guy would finally ask me to be his girlfriend....
so....he did.
and we went to the movies together once. and i went on his lunch break at work a few times...and we made out ALOT...i love kissing him so much. he's awesome.
but then he just stopped text messaging me and stopped sending me messages on myspace. i thought it was weird and i was getting mad that he wasnt talking to me anymore. this went on for a few weeks. so i finally sent him a message and said....
"well, i'm not your girlfriend anymore since we dont talk anyway."
then he asked if we could still be friends.
My PROBLEM: i cant just be friends with him. i just cant. i love him.
this is kinda personal but here is an actual conversation i had with him over the past few days on myspace messaging:
i told him the other night that he is a really good guy and very sexy. ( and he knows that i miss him and want him back)
then he told our friend nick that i told him he was sexy...and then he told him he was having a great day until he heard that comment from me... so .......
ME(white girl): sorry for everything i've put u thru. sorry for all the nice things i've said to u. sorry for wanting to be with you so badly even tho i know we cant ever be. sorry for giving u my first kiss. sorry for giving u my heart. sorry for everything.
i'm just.....sorry.
dont worry...i'll never bother u again.
HIM: r u mad at me?
ME: no. nick said u had a great day at bg until u talked to me at night. so i'm just gonna leave u alone. i dont wanna ruin ur life anymore.
HIM: omg u didn't ruin my life c. i had fun that day. it's true that i want u to stop saying stuff like that but thats only because sometimes i cant control my body and thats when we end up doing stuff. and in the end u always end up hurt. and i dont wanna hurt u anymore. i hope u dont want me out of ur life cause that would suck
ME: dont want u out of my life. but everytime i see you i cant control my feelings. its really hard. i want to just forget about u but i cant. i wont say stuff like that to you anymore...but sometimes i just wanna tell u how i feel. i'm sorry for all the drama. i'm trying really hard to move on.
I KNOW THIS WAS VERY LONG...SO IF U READ IT ALL....THANK U. PLEASE GIVE ME ANY COMMENTS YOU HAVE ABOUT THIS SITUATION. AND ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP. I WANT HIM BACK BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I got my first kiss from a black guy my age at 15. i had the BIGGEST crush on him for a long time. we have been through alot together since then. We never actually dated until a couple months ago after graduation. so for like 3 years we just "liked" each other and we made out a few times here and there but no one ever knew about it. it was always so secretive. we went to a very small christian school so word travels fast and we didnt want the pastor or our parents to find out that we were occacionally making out. During this time i have had a white boyfriend that everyone knew about....but no matter what i do i cant seem to stop liking this black guy. so i broke up with the white guy after graduation because i wanted to see if the black guy would finally ask me to be his girlfriend....
so....he did.
and we went to the movies together once. and i went on his lunch break at work a few times...and we made out ALOT...i love kissing him so much. he's awesome.
but then he just stopped text messaging me and stopped sending me messages on myspace. i thought it was weird and i was getting mad that he wasnt talking to me anymore. this went on for a few weeks. so i finally sent him a message and said....
"well, i'm not your girlfriend anymore since we dont talk anyway."
then he asked if we could still be friends.
My PROBLEM: i cant just be friends with him. i just cant. i love him.
this is kinda personal but here is an actual conversation i had with him over the past few days on myspace messaging:
i told him the other night that he is a really good guy and very sexy. ( and he knows that i miss him and want him back)
then he told our friend nick that i told him he was sexy...and then he told him he was having a great day until he heard that comment from me... so .......
ME(white girl): sorry for everything i've put u thru. sorry for all the nice things i've said to u. sorry for wanting to be with you so badly even tho i know we cant ever be. sorry for giving u my first kiss. sorry for giving u my heart. sorry for everything.
i'm just.....sorry.
dont worry...i'll never bother u again.
HIM: r u mad at me?
ME: no. nick said u had a great day at bg until u talked to me at night. so i'm just gonna leave u alone. i dont wanna ruin ur life anymore.
HIM: omg u didn't ruin my life c. i had fun that day. it's true that i want u to stop saying stuff like that but thats only because sometimes i cant control my body and thats when we end up doing stuff. and in the end u always end up hurt. and i dont wanna hurt u anymore. i hope u dont want me out of ur life cause that would suck
ME: dont want u out of my life. but everytime i see you i cant control my feelings. its really hard. i want to just forget about u but i cant. i wont say stuff like that to you anymore...but sometimes i just wanna tell u how i feel. i'm sorry for all the drama. i'm trying really hard to move on.
I KNOW THIS WAS VERY LONG...SO IF U READ IT ALL....THANK U. PLEASE GIVE ME ANY COMMENTS YOU HAVE ABOUT THIS SITUATION. AND ANY ADVICE WOULD HELP. I WANT HIM BACK BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO.
