Need opinions form the guys

Okay here is the scenario:
1. You are in the middle of a divorce
2. You meet a married WW, (who has never been unfaithful in 20 years of marriage), who BTW the way you work with and socialize with her husband.
3. Sparks fly
4. You and she start an affair
5. You connect with her on an emotional and intellectual level too.
6. You say you want more.
7. She replies that she does too, but needs to figure out why her marriage is screwed up and that she wants to make the decision to leave the marriage based on the marriage, not on you.
8. She also says that if the marriage breaks up she wants some real dating first to see if you are compatible outside of an affair
9. She goes out of her way to see you as much as possible and treats you as nicely as you treat her.
10. She says that she feels bad that right now you are sort of getting the leftovers of her life and acknowledges you deserve more and says that you can stop seeing her if you want to at anytime, because she is not free to completely be yours.

After reading this board do you guys think:

1. She is only in this for the stereotypical sex
2. That she really does care
3. that she is being honest and upfront with you

Finally

1. Would you wait around for her to decide? If so for how long?
2. If the marriage did break up would you try a normal dating relationship first or pressure her for more?
3. Would you trust her to be faithful, knowing that she only cheated with you and that was an exception because of the connection you two felt?

 

1. that depends on things she says to me about bm/wm relationships and her views on them.
2. Again that depends on what she is doing and saying in the relationship. I would not want to personally get involved with someone who is married. Not for all the moral reasons, although they have their merits, but just for one she is in another intimate relationship with someone else.
She has time, years and even in the crappy relationships, her heart invested in this relationship that i would be on the outside of. And no matter how much she shows her love for me or gives me attention i would still be outside of something that is far more deeper than the relationship that was growing.

She maybe falling out of love with this guy but she is still connected to him. They have years together and no amount of sparks can override the energy she will spend dealing with that relationship. Pretty soon your affair will just be another facet of that relationship.

3. I would honestly think she doesn't really know what she wants. If nothing is moving in one direction or the other i would think i was a play thing, a fling to get back her hubby for not showing her enough attention or what ever.


1. i would wait as long as there were sign that things were changing.
2.would you try a normal dating relationship first see where her heads at.
3. this again goes to what she is giving me.

In this situation, you as the person in a relationship must convince me that you are concerned about me. That means really giving up any pretense having a secret. You must show me that i am not just out here by myself waiting in vain.
because at this moment you have all the cards and it does look like you are going to risk anything in return.

Is this some game, do you really just want to experiment and are afraid to approach the issue with your husband? Are you just acting out? after a while, if this stretches on these the question that will begin to plague me. and if a man who is worth a dam he won't be satisfied with being a dick on the side for very long. He will want more. Hell we all do.

We all want something that is solely ours, whether its material, spiritual or emotional. You your own relationship, something that is distinctly yours and your husband. And seeing that would finally boil to one question, "Are you my Woman?" and don't mean i can have sex with you or talk, i mean can i have you heart soul and body, are you there completely for me, do you actually love me beyond stolen moments and risky rendezvous.

 

Ask yourself one question: do you love this woman? If not, you can wait but certainly explore other options in the meantime. If you do love her, sure, wait around and see what happens with her husband. Dealing with married women is one thing. Dating a married woman of a different race and who works with you in a lot to take on. Good luck with that, though.

 

1. Would you wait around for her to decide? If so for how long?
No.
2. If the marriage did break up would you try a normal dating relationship first or pressure her for more?
Yes.
3. Would you trust her to be faithful, knowing that she only cheated with you and that was an exception because of the connection you two felt?
No.

That may seem odd but, I would go out with her to see if there was something real but knowing me, I doubt I would trust her. If there was something real, I know I would not stick around long enough for her to do to me what she had done to her husband, no matter how much I liked her.

 

1. Would you wait around for her to decide? If so for how long? No, especially if she wants to "work" on her marriage after she cheats. That's bassackwards. And so far your feet are still firmly planted in the marriage. I'd be watching your feet instead of listening to what you were saying, and in the meantime exploring my other options. There would be no committment.

2. If the marriage did break up would you try a normal dating relationship first or pressure her for more? No. Its too late for normal. Why break up the marriage for a dating relationship. And didn't you say you wanted more earlier. Again, I'd be watching your feet.

3. Would you trust her to be faithful, knowing that she only cheated with you and that was an exception because of the connection you two felt?
No. In fact I wouldn't want to pursue a normal relationship with someone whose married in the first place. Living together in deceit is just a bad way to start off a relationship. Don't you think?

 

answer: Its an affair!

 

I wouldn't go through with any of it. Personally, I don't like the idea of being some woman's rebound of release because of a failing marriage.

 

My whole thing is what if I take the risk and fall in love and 360 my life and find that in a normal relationship the feelings we have are different from what we have now.

 

This is another fear that I have. He is in the middle of a divorce so he is not cheating. I am. If I do take him up on his offer, will he trust me? I don't think I would cheat on him, but he could feel differently.

 

I didn't know my marriage was failing until we met. I know it sound weird, but it's true.

BTW thanks to all of you guys who took the time to reply so far . I have a week or so to think about things. I know that trust factor and being trusted is huge to me. I will have to sit him down and honestly talk about if I agree to more if he will actually trust me.