Opinions From Guys update-

Well, Boll Onin was right in that "

and if a man who is worth a dam he won't be satisfied with being a dick on the side for very long. He will want more. Hell we all do. "

My guy gave me an ultimatum is morning. Leave my marriage or the relationship is over. He gave me a date that I have to decide by. We are meeting tomorrow after work to discuss specifics and what the next step will be if I leave my marriage.

 

Remember to keep us posted on it.

 

Well, we meet up for coffee.

He wants to move in together and go public as soon as I move out if that is my choice.

I want to live alone and date. I am 40 years old and have never lived on my own. I want that experience if I leave my H.

He wants kids, I am not sure if I do due to my age. Starting over is very difficult.

 

Yours is a hard place to be.
I think most of us have been there in some form or fashion.

Living on your own after a major break-up is always the best thing to do in my opinion.

I wish it all works out for you.
Good luck.

 

So if I understand well, u r still married...do u already have kids with ur husband?

As Kev said, after a major break-up, u have to find your peace...alone first, instead of moving in immediately with someone else...but maybe, since u are seeing another man already, leaving your H won`t be a major breakup for you!

I never liked ultimatums in relationships anyway...u can`t force love it should come naturally!

 

[/b]

 

really be careful about what you are doing in this situation.

the next few days are your opportunity to really get to the heart of what is the cause of your problem and take steps towards fixing it.

Either way you go now, there will be pain and hurt feelings. Now comes the task of deciding what is right and dealing with whatever pain may come.

 

:roll: He kindly gave me until the day after my relatives leave from my son's graduation to decide. [/b]

 

while it hurts, the guy is definitely right. you must make a choice between your husband and the guy you are having an affair with. you made a promise to your husband and so your guy feels like you are having your cake and eating it too. choice but you cant have both

 

Damn thats crazy... Good luck on this one :shock:

 

I`m everything but conservative...and the reason why u had an affair is your business...sometimes affairs open ur eyes on how bad marriages have become...sometimes they fix them, sometimes they bring a rightful end to them...

BUT is what u r going for (the new guy) worth separating from ur husband? hurting him and the kidz?

If yes (irreconcilable differences), then do not hesitate anymore and as Tucker said, TIME TO CHOOSE bcoz for now u are "screwing" both the H and the bf, metaphorically and literally!

 

Either way you go now, there will be pain and hurt feelings. Now comes the task of deciding what is right and dealing with whatever pain may come.


Yes, you are right one of them is going to get hurt and either way I am going to get hurt because I will be losing and important part of my life.

tucker, yeah I know it is time to chose and I still don't know, I have 12 days until ultimatum day is here.

 

Who knows? She might wind up losing both of them, from what it seems like.

 

At this point believe it or not that sounds like a GREAT option. I would give my the time and space to figure stuff out.

 

you made a committment for better or worse, honor that!

 

Not to sound bad, but the divorce rate is 50%, so have of the people in America don't honor that commitment.

It honestly does sound appealing to be rid of both of them at the moment.

What I should do to fix this mess is tell other guy that I am telling my H. Tell my H about what I have done and move out and give him the option of wanting to ditch me or work it out, then telling other guy that I don't do ultimatums, if we are meant to be we will be together, if not then so be it.

 

your approach seems a bit...maybe a lot...selfish...u tell ur H and then let him decide if he wants to work it out or ditch u...but if he wants to work it out, are u ready to work it out with him? are u sure after all the things that happened, other guys and all, that it is what u want?

U said u would want a marriage to end bcoz of the marriage problems, not bcoz of an affair...but by telling him about the lover, the affair is certainly going to end ur marriage!!!...and give u and "easy" way out!

U hav no idea how much it will hurt ur H to know that u hav slept with another guy while still being with him...why wouldn`t u try to break-up with him only by telling him u can`t deal with ur differences anymore?

I know u would like to be honest, but sometimes being honest is just selfish...u will tell him and u will feel better coz u hav been honest, but he will feel like SHIT...it`s going to be HELL in his head!! Trust me, men have a stupid pride that makes them feel that way when they`re cheated on!

Well...just my opinion...

 

In all honesty, you should be more angry with yourself, and not the men in your relationship. You say that one is forcing you to decide which one you want to be with, but at the same time, it seems like YOU are manipulating the both of them, until you can finally work out what you want in your mind and heart. Either YOU make a choice and stick with it, or continue to experience failures such as these in your relationships from now on.

This maybe a little late, but it was on my mind at the time.

 

Stop torturing yourself AND the man.....drop the stink pickle or get off the pot.

No matter which way it goes, never, ever look back....

Hugs,
Sugar