Realizing IR is your preference.

When did you first realize that you were not only attracted to ww or bm
but it was becoming more of your preference in women or men?

Did you try to fight it at first, by trying not to have a
preference?

How long have you been attracted to the opposite race?

 

About 10 years ago.

I did try to fight it [pretty damn hard too].

Now I'm here. Go figure.

 

I've known since high school I would end up married to a BM
I just had to wait til I graduated and moved into the city before I could start dating BM

 

I had known since it was about 16 that my preference was white women or other non black women. I only could not wait to move out of New York then i could date them without my parents knowing. :?

 

For me, it was freshman year of high school. I was about 14 or 15. The first 9 years of my life i went to an ALL WHITE preppy catholic co-ed (boys and girls) school up until 3rd grade. They say those years in a child's life are the most formative as to what type of adult they will be. You are like a sponge and your surroundings at that time shape your personality forever. Maybe that is why I am the way I am. I experienced TONS of racism there as a child and fought kids endlessly who called me the N word. Some would say a child can go one of two routes at this point. Forever hate white people and think they are all the same, RACIST BASTARDS!....OR you could spend the rest of your life trying to prove to them you are NOT so different from them. Who knows what effect this had on me but it seems I took that second route.

I love rap music and rock equally, and dress "somewhat" hip hop but only because that is what is expected of me. When most people get to know me, they are shocked at some of the things I like or bands I listen to, etc. Anyways, i moved from that all white school when I was 10 and went to a mostly black school for the next 4 years. Then i spent junior high school at an all boy military academy.

At this point, i hadn't seen a girl AT ALL for two years and was 14 and ready to start high school. I joined the football team and at my high school, that meant instant popularity. It was a very racially diverse and mixed school. If I had to guess, I'd say it was equally one third white, one third black, and one third hispanic. So I had a choice this time as to what girls to chase. The first girl i had a crush on was a hispanic girl I had known for years and hadn't seen in a long time. After that i had a huge crush on this really skinny, pale, red headed white girl cheerleader who i KNEW I had NO chance with. AT this point i made a choice that would alter my life forever! I went after her and became hooked to white girls!!!!

All my life I had been attracted to whatever girls were presented to me. I don't count the first 9 years of my life since I didn't like girls much then (for obvious reasons), but as I got older at all black schools I went after the black girls. But at 14, I was at a racially mixed school and had plenty of black girls into me...but for some reason I wasn't into them. Even to this day black women come on to me and I feel NOTHING toward them... I dont know why. I could have sex everyday If I wanted with them but I choose white women instead (and over 50% of the time, white women either reject me or give me a hard time once they go out with me), yet I put up with it becuz I want them sooo bad. Many guys I know (including my very controlling older brother) are shocked with my ability to be patient and hold out for the "right girl" rather than take whatever pussy is available to me. To me sex means nothing and is a total waste of time if I feel NOTHING for the girl.

So back to my story, at this time when i started high school (around 1998), if you remember, Britney Spears came out with Baby One More Time. Remember the music video for that....catholic school girl outfits and all? Well that was my high school. It was a co-ed catholic high school and all the white girls there looked just as good or BETTER than Britney and wore their skirts really short with the knee high socks and when they walked up stairs or crossed their legs, well lets just say it made it real HARD on a guy to concentrate on school work if Ya know what I mean? LOL White girls always seemed like a fantasy to me but at high school my two closest friends for my first three years there were these two really cute white girls named Stephanie (the bad slutty one) and Erin (the shy goody two shoes one). This was my first real chance to interact with them (white people) since I was 9 years old (which was the last time I went to a school that had girls that was mostly white) and I never realized how nice they could be. I was shocked and wanted desperately to be accepted by them and apart of their world.

Anyways, at this point I was hooked! The rest of high school white girls were all I dated. Interracial dating wasn't really accepted at my high school though. Despite it being very mixed, there was an unwritten rule that each race stayed to their own kind. Me being the first black guy to openly approach, hit on, flirt with, and date white girls made me SUPER popular and well known (although popular doesn't always mean everyone likes you, it just means everyone KNOWS about you. Obviously I gained many enemies for my choice of girls, mainly black girls and white guys).

But I think it really set in that I was truly different from other black guys and might never look at a black girl in "that way" again was when I went to my senior prom in high school. I wanted to go with this hot blonde named Kathryn but she already had a date. Growing up I had this fantasy of the perfect prom where you go with the girl you love and have a great time, have sex with her at the end of the night, and everything is great. I felt if I couldnt go with the girl I want, I wouldn't go at all. Dances were never a big deal to me anyway.

But my controlling older brother and his girlfriend told me i MUST go to my high school senior prom or I will regret it for some reason and be seen as a loser. So i told them you have one week to find me a date. They searched high and low for what they "thought" was my type (this was years before they discovered my infatuation for white girls, mainly because I hadn't even determined I had one yet). They set me up on a blind date with a very attractive black girl and I was soo bored. I didnt say more than three words to her the whole night. I didnt know why. They showed me a few other pictures of some other black girls but I said I wasnt interested.

Then finally my mom got in contact with a black girl I knew from the 5th grade and hadnt seen in years. She had a boyfriend and already had went to her prom at her high school but was available the night of my prom. She agreed to go with me if I wanted to go with her. I said ok what the heck. Strangely, without even knowing what she was wearing or her knowing what I was wearing, her gold dress perfectly matched my black and gold tuxedo. Anyways, we had an ok time but i was bored as heck. She didnt wanna dance to anything and spent most of the night going back and forth to the bathroom. I danced more with other girls than I did with her. All I could do was stare at all the wild and drunk white girls I knew from school gettin' down all over the place and dancin' up a storm. This was when I think I started to figure out that after 4 years of high school and being around so many fine white girls.....I'M HOOKED!

Now that I look back on it, going to the high school I went to really spoiled me. Before that school I had no real interaction with white girls. It was like a kid who never had candy before all of a sudden being locked in a candy store for 4 years. I went nuts. I endulged in them for 4 years and lived the fantasy I had been dreaming of and then I graduated and it was like that kid finally getting kicked out of the candy store. I was spoiled and couldn't go back to broccoli. I only wanted candy from now on. White girls went from being a "fantasy I was lucky to have" to being "something i demanded, needed, and expected everyday". I literally couldnt go back to black girls. They just didnt compare to the literal "high" i felt from just being AROUND white girls. I couldnt understand or explain it. I dont apologize for it and i never will!!!!