reasons why I exclusively date interacially (PLEASE RESPOND)

Hello everyone,

First off, Happy New Year to all!!!!!!!!!!
I am new here and this is my first post. (Excuse the length, but this is really important and I need some feedback)

I am a 26-year-old African-American male with mixed heritage from my mom's side of the family, but that is not relevant.
Anyway, I have been reading the posts here for a while and you guys bring up interesting topics so I have one of my own that I would love
to get some feedback on. (Especially from the fellas, and well-cultured individuals like Kid Rasta, but women can respond too if they want)

As you saw on the subject, I, personally, choose to date interracially on an exclusive level, and it is not for reasons that you may think. I don't hate black women neither do I hate myself or my people. From my personal experience, non-black females in the U.S. were simply the only ones that gave me a chance. Now I choose to love them because they first loved me.

Sounds funny? :lol: I know it does soooooooooo allow me to further elaborate, I have never dated a black woman (never even came close) nor do I persue them romantically.
In my defense, I must say that I really wanted to give black women a chance, but that ship sailed ten years ago......
I DID NOT, I repeat, DID NOT plan on being this age and never being with anyone of my own heritage, it is just how it happened and I will explain why....

Growing up, I came from an middle-upper class household. My parents could afford to buy flashy clothes, cars, and all of that other jazz, but my parents raised us to not be caught up in the consumerism culture (in other words we didn't look well-off because we preferred simple living and we wore plain clothes, had plain cars, and just bought the necessities of life, but we got spoiled every now and then). I was brought up to be an intellectual, to learn to invest in assets, and to strive for greatness in whatever I do. My Friends and I were straight-A students in school, in honor society, graduated from college with top scores, and now, I am about to (hopefully) get an even better paying job than the one I have now. I have also been working out for the past four years and a lot of women find me attractive......


HERE IS WHERE THINGS GET INTERESTING PEOPLE.........

Even though I am not ugly by any means, black women have ALWAYS considered me to be unattractive and nerdy throughout junior high, high school, and college because my friends and I were more interested in discussing real world issues, anime, politics, and art. We were seen as not Black enough for the Black women and thus was offered up for a flashier hip-hop type fellow (thug, light-skinned guys, players). I tried asking them out on numerous occasions, but was always laughed at, disrespected, shot down, humiliated, and shunned. I was passed up all the time for thugs, light-skinned pretty boys, and players. This happened to me consistently throughout my life and I must admit that it hurts receiving it from your own people.
:cry:
I thought that our people and other minorities(especially black women) would have learned by now that in the U.S. if you want to get somewhere in life, you had best get an education and you had best have some ambition. OHHH WELL... GUESS I WAS WRONG...I have definitely been humbled by my many encounters with rejection, believe me. But my defining moment happened while I was in college. While in my freshman year, I had a secret admirer who was a very exotic filipino girl in my physics class. This girl was far better looking and had a better attitude and morals than any black female I ever tried dating, I might add. Anyway, While we were eating lunch one day, she revealed how she thought that I was very attractive, intelligent, and that I was far from being the average brother. I was going somewhere in life and she admired me for that.

THAT IS WHEN IT HIT ME FELLAS.....

This exotic beauty was admiring me for my unique qualities, the SAME qualities that black women hated me for. I realized that I wasn't a lost cause, or an ugly duckling and that I had other dating options besides black women, THANK GOD. Later, after this girl, I chose to court white, latin, multi-racial and (my personal favorite) Puerto Rican girls.
Now don't get me wrong, rejection, bad attitudes, and ugliness comes in ALL COLORS AND ETHNIC GROUPS. I don't mean that I haven't been rejected by other types of girls as well (it happens to the best of us) but through my personal experience, dating non-black women has worked out best for me.

I am not mad at black women because the experience I have had with non-black women overcompensated and fazed-out the hurt and pain I received from black women.
A lot of Black women (or other ethnic groups of women for that matter) don't go for the guys who have something going for them. They chase thugs and players throughout their youth and remain with this mainstream mentality until they are 30 or over, or when they have so many kids, their only choice is to marry someone with something going for himself. Then, all of a sudden, they want a good man to take care of their kids. PLEASE NOTICE I SAID A LOT OF BLACK WOMEN, NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN because there are some good quality sistas out there. Unfortunately, the ghetto girls, weave wearers, and the bad ones, outshadow the ones that are worth anything. It just amazes me that a overwhelming lot of them (notice I am saying not all) fit this description. Also, a lot of black women hate
to see me with a white, asian, latin, etc. girl, but the black women themselves won't give me the time of day because I don't flash the bling-bling, have fancy clothes, suits, or fancy cars. The double standard is hurting a lot of them.
They cannot ask for equality and freedom from discrimination and then turn around discriminate against a black man with a white women. I don't walk down the street and stare at a black couple wondering why she chose a black male, that's ignorant.
Some aspects of the hip-hop culture are hurting them as well...but that is another post for another day.

Black women have the nerve to ask, "WHY DO SO MANY BLACK MEN DATE WHITE, ASIAN, LATINO WOMEN WHEN THEY BECOME SUCCESSFUL?" Well, I can tell you why. Because when these successful black athletes, black entrepreneurs,
and other black men were young and struggling with potential for greatness, the black women looked down upon and laughed at them for being too studious, too ugly, or too nerdy, but now that they have something going for themselves, you ask why doesn't he date black women.
COME ON, THIS IS NOT ROCKET SCIENCE PEOPLE!!! IF YOU DID NOT WANT THE GUY THEN, DON'T COMPLAIN IF YOU SEE HIM WITH A WHITE GIRL.
I am sure many of you fellas feel where I am coming from. It is just amazing how, in the African-American community,
that you get respect and praise for being on death-row, un-employed, in prison, or a thug, but you are looked down upon if you are trying to succeed in life, a college graduate, someone with a P.h.d or a master's degree, or a church goer.

ONCE AGAIN, I AM NOT SAYING THAT ALL BLACK WOMEN FIT THIS MOLD. But a lot do.
When I hung out with white, latin, Puerto Rican, or asian females, we shared goals and life experiences that were similar. We enjoyed the same activities, like the same sorts of foods, movies, music and places.
If I found a black woman of that calibre, then things might have been different.....GUESS WE WILL NEVER KNOW..


Now that you guys understand why I exclusively date interracially, I want to know something fellas (and others who want to respond).

In the 26 years of my life, I have always been brushed off by black women....
I am at the point in my life where I am comfortable with myself and my preferences for non-black women. Even my parents now understand it and would welcome my girlfriend/wife if she were white, asian, or whatever.
When I was struggling to get where I needed to get financially and spiritually, black women rejected me for thugs, light-skinned guys, and players. If they didn't want me then, why should I
want them now? Especially when I have been received with open arms from white women and women of other ethnicities.

Am I the only one dealing with or have dealt with this type of scenario?


Am I wrong for wanting to exclusively date interracially?

Your input would be greatly appreciated.

Later

 

Bruh, I can relate to you on so many levels!!!!

Bruh, you are speaking the gospel truth. I personally have stopped even looking at black women altogether. For me, last night sealed the deal. The reason being, is that the majority of them are so critical of black men that is utterly sickening. In all of my life, the main ones who would say things to hurt my feelings were black women.

The main ones who would do things to hurt my feelings were black women. The most critical souls that I have ever encountered, were black women. Hell even last night, when I was at UPS to pick up my package--and the line was huge--I simply glanced over at this one sister, and she acted like it was killing her. She was trying to hide behind her friend and everything, talking about I don't want that ugly boy looking at me. Nobody, and I do mean, NOBODY else would have acted like that with the exception of some white-worshipping Asian chicks. Now keep in mind, I am not ugly at all. However, throughout my life, the main group of people calling me ugly, were SISTERS. Black women, of all ages, show an immaturity that is absolutely astounding. Many of them are tactless, and they always got something to say--About us, that is.

However many women who aren't black think that I am handsome. In fact, I have heard I was a good-looking guy from all types of people; except black women. Their is something seriously wrong with the thinking of the average black woman. I have to be honest, all of the cruel comments that I heard in my life came from sisters. Not other black dudes, and not anyone else. I have never encountered souls as critical as them. They will put down a nigga without fail. However, you will see that same sister with some old ass white guy, or some short mexican, or some fat Arab. The only men black women are critical of is US. I am not even going to lie about it, with the exception of my mother, and women in my family, I absolutely cannot stand their black asses. That came from years and years of having bad experiences with them. The average black woman has no absolutely no problem making the average brother feel small. Many of them hurt us, more than they help us. I can't stand them, and I am not lying either.

That stuff has been happening to me ever since I was a kid. They always, and I do mean ALWAYS, have something to say about a brother. They will ignore everybody else around them and henpeck a nigga to death. It is almost like they don't even see anyone else, A white dude, could be looking at them, and they won't say a damn word. However, let a brother simply glance in their direction, the insults start flying. Let a brother have any type of percieved flaw about him. They will be the first ones to notice it and criticize you for it. I am dead serious. I have never seen a group of people who cared about looks as much as they do. They are utterly obsessed with outward appearance--especially on a black man--and they have no problem putting you down. Also, they will put you down in such a way as to embarrass you so nobody will want anything to do with you. Anybody who may have been interested in you will no longer be once they get around those evil bitches. That has happened to me several times.

The girls who liked me would blow those bitter harpies out of the water, however, sisters would call me skinny and ugly at the top of their lungs so everybody would hear it. I hate them, and I am not going to apologize about it. Many black women--American black women, that is--have no class.


They don't know when to shut the hell up. They are always flapping their fat ass lips talking about somebody. They suck, and besides the ones in my family, I don't care what happens to them.

Anyway, excellent post bruh. You are doing nothing but telling the absolute truth.

Peace.

 

I get the feeling that lots of members read these boards for long periods of time before actually joining up to post comments. If I didn't know better I'd swear that nilan and Jaydun were one and the same. That long rambling post, constantly mentioning shade of skin, looks, rejection and "Later" (Jaydun's usual ending) seems suspect. For this to be a board for white women and black men, black women are injected at every turn. Think I've said before that while some women find it flattering or require black men to loathe all black women, it's not easy dealing with such mindsets on a long term basis. Some of the worst jerks I've known turned out to be men constantly claiming they were rejected for being such nice guys. Also, why can't we just be your first choice?

Jaydun has made comments in the past that white women only prefer black men when we are past our prime, too fat or divorced with children. The kind of revulsion and rejection these *two* experience seem rather odd IMO.

 

i feel you nilan. i am 21 and i date pretty much ONLY white and hispanic girls. i understand how you feel and what caused you to turn away from black women. for me it is quite different. black girls actually have been the most attracted to me. but after 4 years of goin to a catholic co-ed high school full of bangin' white chicks who walked around dressed like britney spears in the baby one more time video, i got hooked and lost my attraction to black girls. since then i have been in love with white girls and cannot get enough. in your case i guess it was a matter of gravitating toward those who treated you the best. for me it was a matter of gravitating toward the girls who made me rock hard (and whose personalities suited me more).

 

Rosey, Rosey, Rosey.......... :roll:
Let me assure you that I (nilan) and Jaydun are TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE.

Please do not be rude about my post Rosey as it was my personal experience. Also, did you read my post in it's entirety? Look back at the parts in my post where I consistently say that,"NOT ALL BLACK WOMEN FIT THIS DESCRIPTION." That means that I don't think all black women are a lost cause. From Jaydun's post, his experience seems to be similar to mine but I don't hate anyone because it is not in my blood to do so. It takes a hell of a lot of energy to hate someone, let alone a group of people.

My main reason for mentioning black women at all was to get the fact across that I date interracially exclusively because non-black women (that means white girls, latin girls, asian girls, etc.) showed me love, not because I hate black women. :roll:

Ohh and Rosey....one more thing. I have a small task for you....I am not trying to be funny at all and I am DEAD SERIOUS, NO JOKE. If you personally know a group of successful black men, a successful black man, or black men on their way to becoming successfull show them my post and let THEM tell you if what I say is the truth......

Until then, Peace be with you all.

 

ummm......some truth....some false.......

I say some false, largely because, successful professional black men are the most happily married to black women, if you are an American - 92 percent to be exact, and least likely to divorce.

I say some truth because one will likely gravitate toward those whom they are attracted to, those to whom gravitate towards one another versus those to whom you do not attract, and those to whom are of same social-economic levels.

Your preference is a NATURAL one and there is no need to explain it.

My factoid.....

 

It's not unusual for men to "trade up" once becoming successful, and it's not particular to black men. Happens all the time even if the woman played a role in his accomplishments. I must admit that this is pretty much expected of black men, and women know this. In fact, some even brag about it. But on another note women are increasing attending and "outnumbering" men in universities and carving out success on their own. Since more people are dating IR openings are cropping up on all sides. Soon IR won't be that big of a deal and most likely black women won't continue looking towards black men as mates. Same with asian men since they are starting to mingle with nonasian women.

 

Many black women desire the studious brotha but they know his value and are afraid that if he realizes his worth...he'll become a head case and leave them (or control them). Black women play a form of "EXTREME HARD TO GET" and their rudeness is often a way of trying to get you interested. The playas take it as a challenge and pursue while the more plain and studious types see no need to put themselves through that when they can have a girl just as good without all the pomp and circumstance. From what I've seen...working class and even "ghetto girls" (these terms apply to the class one is born in) appreciate a somewhat nerdy guy more than the middle class and upper middle class ladies. The more well off ladies rebel by going for thugs (who actually aren't thugs but really are playas who act "hard" but would get the stuffing beat out of them by a real gangsta). They toy around with these while ignoring better men...but after college...all of the cats that were studying and being certified "geeks" rise to a position of power since these women now realize they want a real man and not a boy they can control. It is at this point they see how difficult it is to find a real man so they lash out at the BM they passed up who have gone on to other types of women. Working class and ghetto girls deal more intensely with the harshness of life and they learn at an earlier stage the value of a good man. The problem is that the creme de la creme of BM are almost "out of their league" in a sense and these BM chase high-powered BW,WW, LW etc. If anyone is dropping the ball it is the middle/upper class ladies. Working class women and ghetto girls...despite often facing hardships seem more likely to marry and have children while the upper echelon sistas remain unmarried and childless. Their expectations while admirable are foolish. I was reading Ebony magazine's most eligible bachelorettes and was astounded at the age and demands of these women. Most of them were over 30...never married and had the most unrealistic expectations for a man. He needed to be tall ('6-0" +)...with a good muscular physique...good teeth...nice hair...BLACK...no kids...good job and very self-sufficient...church-going etc. etc. Now I'm not saying there is anything wrong with higher standards..none of these are unreasonable....but the more expectations you have the less likely you are to find your mate.

 

So, in summary, non black women are an easier pull?

Nice one. I just go for black men because I prefer their faces, nothing so complex. :lol:

 

The similarities between men from different cultures is narrowing it seems. Saw these statements on another board I visit, and realized how this train of thought is becoming pervasive.

 

No MistressB...non black women are not easier to pull....its just that a AW, LW, or WW that is interested in you will give you easier to read clues and it doesn't take as long to know where you stand. My sistas...will act the same way a disinterested WW acts but she really wants you to continue the chase and show what kind of game you have. With WW, AW, and LW that I have been around...my "game" can be too strong for them as some will look at a brotha like he is speaking a foreign language (which in some ways he is) and they prefer a more straight-forward approach....BW like a man to be almost a little too suave.... :smt066

 

MistressB,

I am very attracted to white girls as well, that is the main reason I joined. I like their silky hair (can be any color), pretty skin, petite bodies (I also like the ones who have a bit of meat with muscle tone), and any eye color will do. I also like latin girls, asian girls, filipino girls, puerto rican girls, etc.
And no, non-black females are not an easier pull.......But you must understand, I did not grow up in a town where there was a pick of different types of women. There was pretty much only black girls in my high school, but when I went to college (a majority white school) that is when I got my first interaction with different types.
If you notice in my original post I said, "Don't get me wrong, rejection, bad attitudes and ugliness come in ALL COLORS AND ETHNIC GROUPS." I have seen white girls and other ethnic groups of girls who are just as bad as the black girls, at times.

In other words, I have a preference for white girls and exotic-type females who work out (like I do), have some sort of spiritual life (like I do) and have some goals and ambitions (like I do), but at the same time, I have tried to be an equal opportunity dater because you never know what you may be missing out on when you are too particular.

But now......Going through my life's experience where I have been most physically attracted to white girls and other ethnic groups of women (along with the fact that they were the only ones attracted to me), I choose to date only interracially, for the most part.

But SERIOUSLY, the answer to your question MistressB is NO. Non-black women are not an easier pull. Especially considering the fact the a lot of non-black women (white girls, asian girls, latin girls, etc.) simply prefer white guys and will not give non-white men the time of day (This only applies to some girls though........). At the very least, I have tried to be an equal opportunity dater, but if you want a long term relationship with anyone, you must have personality similarities so I will stay with my preferences.

 

I guess I really ought to have been born a black woman, then, because I am a pain in the ass to men, challenging them, arguing with them, making fun of them (in a light way) and am constantly being told that I make them feel small and insignificant. Poor little poppets.

 

MistressB, MistressB, MistressB :lol:

You seem to be a thick-skinned woman who prefers thick-skinned men.
Despite popular beliefs, black women are not the only women that are a pain in the ass for us (men). Pain in the asses come in all ethnic backgrounds. Personally, I have thick skin so I like women that challenge me (in a constructive way), argue with me (in a constructive way), play wrestle with me, and poke fun at me (in a constructive and joking manner). NOTICE THE KEY WORD,"CONSTRUCTIVE."

This is where a lot of women miss the mark (this includes not just black women, but white, latin, or any other). But you must keep in mind that the criticism that you give these men should be constructive, NOT DESTRUCTIVE. But at the same time, a relationship has to have some spice in it or it would be boring for both...

MistressB, it is O.K. and natural for couples to challenge and argue with each other. You just have to know your partner's limits and what not to joke and criticize about because not everyone is as thick-skinned as you.

 

Who said anything about in relationships? I was just talking about friends, men I meet in everyday life :lol: I know that everyone's egos are as fragile as the next person, but there are so many posts on this board about how black men have been knocked back viciously by black women...poor things.

You're right in a sense though, I respect my partner because he's highly perceptive and about five years older than I am, so able to give as good as I give him in terms of mock-abuse etc - which has the converse effect of making me shut up and stop mocking him. I guess someone finally managed to tame the beast after all :wink:

 

true, noone really wants a submissive woman, but we dont want a woman thats going to spend their whole time dissing the man, its the exact same thing as a man trying to take a womans self esteem (that is much more publicised so its frowned upon). this from my experience is very, very common with black women, in fact black women without a doubt are the worst at this, but at the same time ive met a few white and latino women with a similar bullshit attitude, personally i wont even take it i will treat the person the exact way they are treating me, if they bullshit and undermine me all the time then believe they will get it thrown back at them.

my personal advice to men is to stay from those sort of chicks, if your with someone who dont make you happy then leave them the fuck alone, go find someone else. i dated a ww who was a complete bitch, spent nearly 3 years constantly following me around, asking me out and eventually i caved, stupid mistake. her friend warned me about her, she was a bitch a complete bitch its funny cos because she was white i kept waiting for the real angel in her to come out, never did. eventually i just got fed up flew off the handle and told her where to go fuck herself. since then i dont take shit from no woman, in fact from noone.

these sort of women who think its cool to go round undermining men and complaining when he doesnt take it are destroying the male perception of femininity, they are as bad a cancer to relationships as any wife beating, unemployed layabout man. these sort of women are why a lot of men find it hard to get intimate on a personal level in relationships.

im pleased to say since then i have met a ww who is a hundred percent supportive and is everything i could ask for in a girlfriend, partner and friend she has already told me she wants to marry me and i without a doubt will marry her. moral of the story you have good and bad women in all races. also black men dont think because she is white it means she is going to be good, shit if the worst comes to the worst you brothas could go asian, thats where all the white men are going. :wink:

 

*Laughs uproariously* :lol:

 

laughs even louder. :lol:

 

Good for you.

 

whatever you say