Seeking advice...

I came back to my hometown (a small town) this past fall after spending a year away working and finishing my education. Shortly after coming back, I went to the library to look at a newspaper. I was in and out, kinda in a hurry, but noticed a guy that I used to go to school with was working at the library desk. It's one of those things though when you haven't seen the person for a long time and didn't get a good enough look at the person to know for sure if it's the person you're thinking of. But, I peered back through a few empty shelves, and yeap, it's the guy I went to school with. We were in a couple classes together our freshman year over 10 years ago. We also had lockers together - he flirted with me a few times - he was flirty with a few girls, but I think we all were under the assumption that nothing would happen since our school was really rural and backward, and white girls just didn't date black guys. Though, I thought he was attractive. He either moved or switched schools after that because I didn't see him again. Anyway, I was at the newspaper section, trying to think of how to get out of there without going past him again - I could tell that he was watching me coming in, and it was one of those situations where you're in a hurry and don't want to get dragged into a conversation. But, it was so long ago that we knew each other that I figured he may not even remember me, or thinks that I don't remember him. Yes, quick as my glances were, I did notice he looked good, but at that point was in a relationship so I just wasn't looking around. I looked around the corner and could see that he was going through a stack of books, so I went toward the door, right by the desk. I looked over, could see that he was watching me intently, so I smiled, then left. What's worse is that I left my keys sitting on the table so I had to come back in and walk by again, though he was assisting someone at this point and I don't think was paying attention.

This was a couple months ago. I was only planning on staying in town a short time because my apartment was robbed and I really had no place to go, though I assumed I would go back to the city when I got myself together enough to find a job and get situated. Now I don't think I want to move back to the city. I've been doing some temping here, trying to find a job to get out on my own again. So, I've been curious to see who all from high school is still in town, what they're doing, etc. And I feel bad for not speaking to the library man. I've always been a really shy person, and it's difficult for me to get into conversations with acquaintences esp. since my life has had some ups and downs lately and I don't want to get into it with people - it's hard to talk about my recent past w/o getting into this. I went back to the library yesterday hoping to maybe run into this guy. Now I'd be a little more prepared. Didn't see him at all, though, and now I have a cook book that I don't want. Just as well though because I wouldn't know what to say, anyway. I wonder if he knew I recognized him - I hope not because then he'd think I was rude for not saying anything. I think I blew it - maybe he doesn't even work there anymore and I won't see him again. I don't know why I care so much - it's just that it's always been easy for me to meet guys, even with my shyness, but now I'm back to a place where I don't know anyone anymore and I'm not working steadily (though I hope to be soon). It seems like I'm even more anxious around people than ever, too. Guess I just wanted to vent here. Do you think I should make another visit to the library (well I have to unload this cookbook anyway)? Should I act like I wasn't sure that it was him before, like "hey, you're ____, right? - I thought that was you before!" I'm so awkward when it comes to things like this. I'm still getting used to being single again. Help!

 

I can relate to how you feel, as I am somewhat of a shy person, at least until i get to know people. Beginnings can be awkward. Of course, you will have to go back to the library to return the book you borrowed, but I would suggest going other places, too--bars or the gym, whatever you're into. Keep your eyes peeled, as you said, you're single now, so the world is your oyster!

If you do see this guy again, take a few deep breaths, though that probably won't stop your heart from racing, walk up and introduce yourself. You might be pleasantly surprised, maybe he does remember you and is just as shy as you are.

Go get 'em, girl!

 

Keep in mind..you're not coming across as a shy person to this guy.

He probably thinks you're a shitty..uppitty..game-playing little confused bitch..

If you meet this guy again when you return the cookbook..just explain to him you were scared to talk to him the first time..Don't go in there with that "hey,you're ____right?

 

flaminghetero, no, this guy knows that I'm a shy person. Going into high school, I was really shy because up unto that point, I had braces, glasses, was a very awkward child. I just assumed that no one wanted to get to know me, so I just didn't talk much. Even though my outward appearance changed, when I went to a high school where I didn't know anyone, I was really reclusive. That changed once I did meet some other newcomers and gradually got a circle of friends. People who got to know me said, oh I thought you were so snobby when you came here, that you just didn't want to talk to anyone. It was just the opposite - I assumed people were snobby and didn't want to know me. This guy was one of the few that gave me a chance. He was a really popular basketball player, yet he was talking and flirting with me. I still think he may've not known that I recognized him and/or was in a big hurry and wasn't paying attention. I mean, it's been over 10 years since we went to school together. I have a pretty good memory, but I'm sure that there are some people that I haven't seen since 9th grade that I wouldn't recognize and some who wouldn't recognize me. Truth be told, I was in a big hurry and distracted, and knew that if I would've gotten into a conversation, I would've made a mess of it. It's hard enough for me to have conversations with people I don't know well when I am focused and feeling my best. Not many people do or can understand that, though - it comes so naturally to most people. Anyway, I do plan on catching his eye if I see him again. I'm going tomorrow, Saturday, which I think it was a Sat. when I saw him last. It will be easier this time since I have to go to the desk to return the book. I just wish I could somehow magically make this easier.

 

I worked with a woman a few years ago who is married to a BM - she said she met him at a bar. There aren't many young people period in this area, let alone BM. It's kind of a depressed area, which is why I'm looking for jobs in the city, but until then I'm stuck. We have a couple bars, but they're known as being hangouts for older people - not a lot of younger people go I guess. But I thought about trying them anyway. Problem is my single friends are all guys, and I don't want to go alone. Would it be better to go with a guy friend do you think, or go on my own? I guess I could have my guy friend go play pool or something for awhile once I get comfortable.