So...apparently, she now "needs" equal footing....

First point: it's obviously not working perfectly, or she wouldn't have brought up the argument. Even if you're suggesting (as you seem to be) that your girlfriend is a mindless sap under the influence of her evil feminazi friend, this isn't convincing: people can only work on the mind of someone if that person isn't too sure how they stand on something. This is true of me - I'm sure it's true of most people. If your girlfriend was totally sure she was happy with the relationship's balance then trust me nothing on earth could change her mind.

Of course most people - including this feminist friend - bring their own agendas to the table, and most people don't practice as they preach, so their life will seem rife with contradictions. Still, she is only offering one perspective, and it is hardly her fault if your girlfriend chooses to listen to it. You don't seem to be giving your own woman an ounce of respect as having an autonomous brain, which makes me wonder why you're bothering with her in the first place. No it's not "wrong" to want to be catered to or for you to want to make all the decisions (read: control the relationship, which was exactly the point I made above), nothing can said to be objectively "wrong" since relationships depend on individual preferences. Still, it wouldn't suit me and probably not many other women. I can't speak for your girlfriend. But because you're angry you're failing to notice one key point, which is that your approach to the problem is every bit as one sided as that of the 'feminazi' friend: effectively you are both pushing opposite agendas and your girlfriend is caught in the middle.

It is impossible for you to reverse time, and it seems perfectly obvious that your girlfriend is unhappy with the balance of the relationship, in which case you have an easy choice to make: either be the bigger man and concede some of this decision making control or offer her some way to contribute to that part of the relationship, or end it with her and find another woman willing to offer you the power that you seem to desire.

 

Mistress - I don't think 7's angry. But, I do also wonder why he chooses women that are so high drama, or have the potential for high drama. Intelligent, beautiful, and submissive women (like he likes) need not be high drama.

7 - Yes, and you know there are women out there who attempt to sabotage a "friend's" happiness. But the one to blame is the one who let's herself be sabotaged. Don't waste your time and set your bar higher. I am really wondering why you even vent your frustrations. You, of all people know the truth and what you need to do. You are above even writing this.

 

Well, this is true - I'm not trying to be harsh to him either but give him the benefit of something I have learnt in this relationship. In the past, I have given my friends the greatest respect by asking for their help where I've been unsure about my relationships. My partner has gradually taught me, though, not to second guess him or discuss him with friends until I've talked with him about the problem first: this way not burdening my friends with intimate issues and retaining trust between us. It is a hard lesson to learn particularly where women love to gossip and share all their 'intimate details' - and there's always a friend who 'knows best' but still you're right, if he wants a submissive woman he could find one who is less of a headache instead of sticking with this one!!

 

:lol: So you are applying your experiences and senses, which is one situation; then, throwing about wildly assumptions based on those experiences derived from black and white thinking. But, I am not going to talking about mathematical probabilities, and cite historical references, psychological documentation to prove to you what works in a relationship. Me and your bloke are on two completely different levels sweetheart.

 

Well, no, I applied my very limited experience to the wholly incomprehensible post you wrote here (quite sensibly, I thought) because after all you seemed to be asking for advice. But of course, you are altogether on a different plane of intellect and understanding, which is exactly why you're asking the internet to help you solve your relationship power struggle.

 

I was never asking for advice, merely, stating a situation. Dynamic connotations do not apply here, it is what it is, stop reading deeper into a situation that is not there. Again....you assumed this is about intellect and understanding and me trying to vie for control over an impressionable young women(whom you think, that I think, isn't capable of making her own decisions)............ Me!? Just stating the facts about one current situation, and how the majority male thinks in this situation. You again miss the point, if I wanted to control her mentally, I would; so, I have to tell you literally - it has never been about control for me. Of course this is something you DO NOT want to see, because, you are applying your situation to another's or other persons you know and what the media feeds you. So...why should I take you seriously when there is no objectivity in your post!? Especially, if you are thinking in black and white terms!? You only present a middle-ground when lainarain(a women) states there is one. Do you see where I am getting to!? A women from Cambridge, the most prestigious University in the world, shouldn't your IQ be in the 140+ range!?

 

7Seven, if you're not going to be that clear about what the problem is, you have to expect people to interpret it the best they can! Ok so you might not have wanted advice but I wasn't the only one offering it, just that you didn't like my advice so yeaaaaaaaah there's an excuse to come out with the insults once again...and on that occasion I was definitely looking at it with a balanced eye.

after reestablishing "the relationship" she now wants to change "the rule" of "the relationship -- whilst in one emotional bent, given me a shit list of 'things' I mustn't continue...

So what does that sound like to you?

I partly blame her friends and the rampart jealously, and hinderous female psychology and their "hive mind complexes." They seem to systematically in tune each others thoughts then you are having an "relationship" with NOT just one women but the whole lot of incomprehensive female jargon.

I only tried to point out that your perspective is one sided also. I didn't argue that she wasn't being pressured by her friends but only that she is probably being a little pressured by you on the other side!

The trouble I come to realise, is that we will always vie for power.

Here you are saying it yourself!

But, is it WRONG to be WANT to be catered to, and for a women to be nurturing and for a man to make all the decisions!? NO...women can compete with me on a financial level, so why try to!?

After the poisoning induced by her "friend" I have to challenge to her think for herself and to NOT want to change her nature because of some psycho's jealousy. We both know where each other stands, so what try to change, if it works!?

Most of my post was about that one. I really don't understand why it bothers you so much but if what I put is only going to incense you then I can't say I care too much either.

 

Your idea is already made up of what it is to be a man, what it is of men/me and his/my role in any relationship, which is the problem regarding many relationships -- being that I can not possibly be "equals" with any women that I am with, making that ideal an impossibility. I am a black male with what I consider an extremely attractive white women - that basis alone is already is NOT equal. That is "the rule." There are many underlings regarding "the rule." Of course, since your idea is made up, which is one of falsity, you do not want to understand.

I was never giving one perspective about "hive minds" that is an reality, and Mosivaka and lainarain recognised this reality. Which is something I stated will be hinderous regarding any relationship, especially, if the presence of one is overpowering. Which is why I stated we will always vie for power. It is like this: one is the emperor of an vast nation and you have small factions that want to destroy the emperor for power. Which is something prevalent regarding the majority relationship.

 

I do see and come in contact with plenty of beautiful, intelligent, well educated women, but there seems to be a feminine-masculinization about them, which is a turn off. They seem to be trying too hard to be both - gender confused. :lol: And a lot men will 'try' to fool themselves into thinking that is what they want. Every man WILL protest to wanting this in a women as well, but when they meet one(if at all possible), it is not as glorious as it's portrayed to be.

 

Interesting theory, except of course that other than sexual organs, there are no gender 'characteristics' other than what are socially constructed. I can only presume you're not talking about transsexuals, here.

I have no concept in mind of "what it is to be a man", and everything I write about gender is endeavouring to show you that there ARE no objective male responsibilities, positions, and qualities (or female).

The last metaphor in your post above is muddled (the emperor) - who is the emperor supposed to be?

 

.....and....now......she uses the "Social construct" argument. Which is basically an oxymoron in itself. Are you serious....really....no...REALLY!? :lol: That is called 15,000+ years of Evolution Conditioning, and because of this conditioning there ARE innate BIOLOGICAL differences that can be 'characterised' as 'male' and as 'female.' We can go further and characterise 'black and 'white.' Riddle me this, how do you think the human race could have survived without these differences!? How do you think civilization was created without these differences!? You do realise, that, it is these innate biological differences which allows you take that position correct!? :lol:

 

I'm sorry, I thought this was a discussion forum for intelligent people, not the discussion group for Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.

My mistake.

 

:smt042

 

Maybe I mistaken and you are not of the intelligible kind. Jumping to conclusions, calling shit when the kettle is black, trying to make your experiences the majority, thinking in black and white terms. It is all unbecoming and taxing! I did get a little chuckle at this response though, which I know was what you were going for; not because it was funny, but, it is amusing that you just tried to persuade your argument by invoking feelings of laughter and humorous anecdotes. Well....you will always attack the man/me and not the argument, making any argument of yours extremely weak, which shows a lack of intelligence on you part. Not because you lack intelligence because you do not want to recognise the limits of your intelligence and whom just maybe more intelligent than yourself. I do know debater's tricks backwards and forwards, I am also sick of the hypocrites and moronic neanderthals blatantly using stupidity to justify arguments. Good Social Construct arguments have an solid foundation, but not yours and many others whom take that stance, how about you try to prove the stance you take!?

The ways I figure it, you will never formulate an intelligible response to my previous question; because, I made you hit one dead end to your argument which prompted that response to begin with, which proved my point -- you lack substance, experience and intelligence to make solid conclusions regarding anything. Disappointing as such being that you are an Cambridge grad....but to no stifling surprise because education amounts to very little these days, being that, they dropped the standards for women and gloried all unimportant things that women accelerate in, but it is all about how you put it into practice. And your practice is weak.

My factoid and I digress............

 

That's about all I - or anyone - needs to read to realise how laughably narrowminded you are, 7Seven. There is simply no point in engaging at your level of debate of a simplistic and narrow minded level, and that of personal attacks on me and my abilities.

 

:lol:

Oh please! You are all the same. :lol:

Calling shit when the kettle is black and again I see!? Now you are trying an transference thing - by repeating back to me what I said about you. Trace this thread back and guess who started the personal attacks!? But, oh yes...I tried to be a 'good sport' about it and if your going to insult my intelligence please to a better job of it. I just did an absolute job to yours and now you can not handle it. Also, please present me a post and its topic where I am being completely "narrowminded" instead of insinuating such rubbish. I asked an open ended question, you have yet to formulate an coherent answer. I even present my situation as open ended query, yet, you 'thought' I was asking for advice.......need I say more!?