Sometimes I dislike racial concepts...or what they signify

Well, I hate it in terms of the messages and extra qualities it attaches to individuals which doesn't respect their autonomy and integrity AS individuals. I hate that people can be viewed one way or another due to arbitrary distinctions...arbitrary because there are, in any case, so many different ethnic veins through the world. I know, I know, race and ethnicity aren't the same thing, but when there are many different tribal groups in just one African country alone, what does it even mean to be 'black'? Isn't it just another label given to people by other people who are unlike them? If the people of Europe/US and the people of Africa had never seen one another, would Africans be calling THEMSELVES black? Or would they just be calling themselves people? The latter seems more likely, tribal definitions making more sense than (sometimes completely meaningless) distinctions of colour. What does it MEAN when mixed race children are taunted for 'not being white enough' or 'not being black enough' - what on earth is black enough? or white enough? Does anyone here truly here feel fully defined by their race, or even their ethnicity/nationality? I don't - maybe that's because I appreciate the nation I belong to only for its diversity?

When I look at my lover or to other black lovers I have had, sexual attraction is even more complex. I don't honestly believe that you can attribute any characteristics to people on the basis of colour alone and even when you say 'I would rather be with a black man', you're saying, because black men are more sexually attractive...does that mean I'm oversexualising them? I would prefer to say that, in that aspect alone, his racial characteristics are rather like any other physical characteristics: they are sexually attractive to me, they don't connote other meanings, I love the look of his dark skin and full lips in the same way as I enjoy the colouring of dark Irish men who have that strikingly dark curly hair with blue eyes. That in itself is an ethnic characteristic, in a way...one of my other friends likes the larger noses of eastern European men, again another ethnic characteristic. For my part, I think that finding another race sexually attractive is only an extension of this type of personal preference.

This is a bit jumbled, I am sorry, they are just thoughts as they pop out of my head but feel free to comment.

 

Again, it comes down to over-analyzing. As soon as we like someone supposedly different to ourselves, there has to be a where and why about it. No need, we are what we are and we like what we like...end of!

 

Yeah - it's other people who do the overanalysing, though, I constantly feel a need to justify myself.

 

Stop defending yourself to them. It only exasperates them and yourself even further with it. If these people truly believe that 'it doesn't matter', then why do they act like it does anyway, with a bunch of brown-nosing questions, and pre-supposed conclusions?

 

They're not the ones who say it doesn't matter - but the ones who have to read some deep psychoanalytical meaning into it, e.g. "you only like black men because you like very sexual men..." (what does that even mean?!) or "you only like black men because you have to be different" ,"you just want to annoy your father" (one of the most racially tolerant people in the world) or "you only like black men because your ex was white" (my personal favourite for sheer craziness!) It matters for those people more than anything else about him that my boyfriend of the moment is black.

 

Yeah, that's what I mean by pre-supposed conclusions.

 

I get that, but you were saying that they were suggesting it didn't matter when in fact they were suggesting that colour was all important...that was all I was saying to your post.

 

I know. I was agreeing with you on that.

 

Maybe this is too simple but sometimes a person just prefers a certain look....if a "white" man had all of the same features as (insert favorite "black" man here) you would probably love him just as much. I think of people as cars (I know thats crazy but hey......). Some people like big blue trucks...some like speedy red sportscars..some like champagne colored luxury sedans that ride smoothly....most people I know like many types of cars but they have a preferred type...not because they heard it drives a certain way but because they just like its design and what it is........ not what it is supposed to be. Some of us like Mercedes some Lexus while still others are Aston-Martin or Rolls Royce people...different cars for different stars. Your attraction to BM is just a natural preference....you are fortunate....there are many women who don't follow their inclinations and they may end up miserable because of it.

 

The true meaning of natural selection.

 

Re: Sometimes I dislike racial concepts...or what they signi

These racial concepts exist because we identify out attraction through them!?

 

Re: Sometimes I dislike racial concepts...or what they signi

No, the labels of race are imposed by others not by ourselves, and thus perhaps are as meaningless as any other label, was the main thesis! Not sure whose post you were reading...

 

Exactly my (other) point.

 

Re: Sometimes I dislike racial concepts...or what they signi

I think that was a really good, heartfelt post MistressB. I really liked it. The only comment that i have is that i don't know if African men call themselves black you know. I think they actually call themselves Africans, but i could be wrong of course. I personally don't think that they should be called black. I think that African people should be called Africans, and i think that German people should call themselves German, and i think that Australian people should call themselves Australians/Aussies, etc...etc. That way they have a sense of pride as a people, but at the same time they're not puting themselves into one silly little racial category. I also don't like the way that mixed babies are forced to call themselves black or white because when you think about it, mixed babies actually become a whole, entirely new race of people altogether you know.

 

Plenty of Africans call themselves black when referring to their race, as they're black...not white etc. But when referring to nationality then they're usually more specific such as "Nigerian" or "Ghanaian". At least that's how it is with pretty much all of the ones I know.

As for mixed babies, I feel that society likes to pigeon whole everyone, so they try to label mixed people as one or the other - when they are indeed a whole new something. Nearly all of the Nigerians I know refer to my daughter as one of them and "their" girl etc - but I always remind them that she's MINE! But however people choose to label her, the fact is she's half Mummy and half Daddy - which is half white and half black...mixed!

 

The only thing that frustrates me MistressB, is when white women are only attracted to black guys. I would feel cheated as a man if a woman ever told me that she only liked black men because that means that she's not choosing the best possible man, but she's choosing physical characteristics instead. The best possible man could be a white man, or an asian man, or a black man, or a latin man for all it matters. If she's open to all types of men, and if the best possible man just so happens to be black, that would be great because you know that their characters match and that they belong together. However, if the best man was a white guy, i would also be happy because she chose the right guy and not just a guy who has black or white physical features. You made a good point when you said that there are certain things that we are attracted to such as really specific facial structures. For instance, sometimes i have a hard time figuring out why i'm attracted to a certain person but when i look a little closer at all of the girls that i had a thing for in the past they all had the exact same facial structure, which is a more rounded facial structure in my case. Because there are some black girls or asian girls or latin girls out there who have that same facial structure, i can never be exclusive to white girls or any other group because lots of women of different races have that exact same look to them, so when i come across them i'm probably going to be attracted to them as well. So, that's why i don't understand it when somebody says that they're only attracted to black guys or white women because the physical features that they're attracted to also belong to men and women of different races as well you see. Exclusiveness...... i just don't understand it i tell ya.

 

True enough - I'm starting to turn back now, had a phase where I literally didn't notice any men on the street apart from black men, but now my receptors are becoming more aligned so I'll notice very attractive black men and very attractive white men, rather than JUST black men! (which was a bit of an odd way to view the world, as well...)

 

That's great MistressB! You see, as a man it makes me feel better when a woman is open to all types. That way, if you ever do end up with a black guy, you'll never have to justify yourself to anybody ever again because it'll be plain for everyone to see that you chose the man because you love him and nothing else.

 

I don't think anyone has to justify their choice of partner, no matter what.

 

I understand where you're coming from,bryant. I've never limited myself to one race. I like all kinds of women and find it pretty disturbing when people say they only like one race. And then belittle other races like they don't matter.